


Corner of Her Heart

by hummingbirdswords



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, POV Alternating, Swan Queen Week Summer 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-07 07:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 88,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7705261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingbirdswords/pseuds/hummingbirdswords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina has accepted her feelings for Emma and that nothing will come of them. But as Emma's own feelings for Regina develop and are revealed, believing what she has spent months convincing herself to be true just might be impossible. The question is, what happens next?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Summer is usually an offseason for me with writing (main reason I've not updated any of my fics), but I've wanted to participate in SQW for the longest but never felt like I could write their characters. But...here I am. This is also my first time writing from Regina's POV, which is scary, so hopefully I didn't mess up too much. 
> 
> Tons of thanks to Keziah for listening to me complain about everything under the sun with this fic, and for all your help and motivating words when I was doubting myself.

 

**confessions**

 

She could hear it loud in her ears, above the sound of terror and chaos, her name being yelled out from across Main Street. With magic still buzzing in her fingertips, she whipped her head around and found herself face to face with another one of the hellish magical creatures that were attacking Storybrooke. Her instincts and quick reflexes had her shoving a magical force towards the large creature, hitting it in its middle, its weak spot. It cried out as it stumbled but did not fall, the ground shaking with its weight, and Emma thrust her hands forward again, determined to defeat the beast before it could cause any more harm to the town, to her friends and family, to her –

 

“Emma,” she heard, the booming of Regina Mills’ voice seeming to ricochet off the buildings when she called out for Emma. “Emma, duck.”

 

Emma’s heart pounded in her chest, like a war drum that grew louder and deadlier. With her eyes widening when she saw the stream of magic leaving Regina’s hands and heading her way, Emma ducked down to the ground, barely getting a glimpse of the horned beast behind her before Regina’s magic turned it into dark dust. Close call, she realized, feeling the whoosh and buzz of the magic next to her.

 

Emma lifted her hand to give Regina a thumbs up as she turned back toward her, toward the heavily breathing brunette whose eyes seemed alight when they met Emma’s, but what she saw out of the corner of her eye had her rushing up to her feet and charging toward Regina instead.

 

Coming from the opposite direction, the last of the creatures was also heading towards Regina. Nearly double her size in height and seven times her weight, Emma knew it was larger, knew it could cover more space than she could, knew that it could get to Regina before she would – but that did not stop her from using every drop of energy in her body to get to Regina, to move, to run so she could protect Regina. It was what she did. With everything going against her, Emma Swan would still fight to protect her loved ones.

 

“To your right,” she yelled, rushing to Regina and readying her magic.

 

Regina was quick to turn, to blast a force of bright light towards the creature. She took a defensive pose and raised her hands up, ready to fight – but Emma wasn’t going to let it get to that, already knew it was advancing too quickly and Regina’s magic wouldn’t take it down with one blast.

 

So Emma stopped running towards Regina and pulled all the magic she could towards her center, remembered everything Regina had ever taught her, everything she had ever read, everything she had ever learned, and used her strong need to protect Regina and keep her safe to fuel her magic. It built inside her like a tornado, whirling and growing until she screamed loudly to get the beast’s attention, until the horned beast stopped at the sound of her and its head turned her way. Yellow eyes glowed and flashed; it looked down at Emma like she was a tasty treat it couldn’t wait to sink its sharp teeth into.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” she could hear Regina yelling, that furious way she did whenever Emma was doing something she considered stupid.

 

“Saving your ass,” Emma called back, nodding at the beast and backing away when it started heading towards her. “What are you waiting for?” she yelled loudly, not taking her eyes off of it. “Huh? Come and get me.”

 

The ground shook a little as it took one step and then another, and soon it was picking up speed and she knew she had only one shot to get this right.

 

For a moment all the noise around Emma stopped.

 

Gone was the sound of the townspeople who hid behind buildings and cars.

 

Gone was the sound of Regina calling her name.

 

Gone was the sound of the hairy creature’s panting and footfalls.

 

Gone was the sound of Emma’s racing heartbeat.

 

She heard only one thing, only three words: Protect your family.

 

She had just the one shot, but she had no doubt that she could do it. She saw the damage the magical beasts had caused to the town, heard Henry’s scream when the first one had appeared while they were leaving Granny’s, saw the fire in Regina’s eyes when she protectively put an arm across Henry’s chest and gave Emma a nod, and Emma knew there was no option other than to destroy the beast.

 

The magic twister in her center was wild and powerful, and when Emma stopped moving and raised her hands, she pushed everything outward and felt the magic leave her body and rush towards the threat to her loved ones. She gave it everything she had, put all of her energy into it, because that was what she would always do. Even if it killed her, Emma would always put protecting her family first.

 

She tumbled down to the ground and the sound started slowly slipping back in – but as it did, her vision started going, the last thing she saw before her eyes fell shut being the magical dome of bright light that looked as if it buzzed with electricity.

 

She did it.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

It was eerily quiet for Regina still as she watched Emma crumble, her head hitting the hard tar road after her legs appeared to give way under her weight. Regina’s stomach seemed to sink in the same fashion, hard and heavy. She clutched at her middle and swallowed thickly, stuck in place for a few rapid heartbeats. Emma looked almost lifeless there on the ground, completely drained, and it was seeing Emma that way which finally pushed Regina into motion. Without any more thought, she was quickly moving on impractical heels, rushing over to the woman who had put herself in front of danger to protect Regina. _Again._

 

Heads peeked from behind the sides of buildings, from behind trees. The citizens of Storybrooke first searched to make sure their town was once again free of the large creatures that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and then, one by one, started running over to the middle of the street where Emma laid, powerless but not defeated. Regina pushed past them all, bumping into shoulders and glaring at anyone who dared to complain about her trying to get to the middle of what had quickly become a large crowd surrounding their savior, her... _Emma_.

 

“Regina,” she heard Snow breathe out as a hand wrapped around hers, quiet when everyone around them was loud with questions and concerns – and from those who dared, complaints. It was as though her presence brought some relief to the woman who kneeled down beside her unconscious daughter, like she knew there was someone who worried for Emma the same way she did, as more than the protector of the town but family.  

 

Regina could feel it in her chest, and lower in her belly, the uncomfortable tightening of worry, of dread, but she kept a brave face. She needed to remain rational – because she knew Emma would be fine, knew that it was watching her fall to the ground that caused her worry, knew that Emma had expelled all the magic and energy in her system and that was the reason she was unconscious. She needed to remain calm – because she knew one of them had to be, and it was not Snow, not the mother whose eyes held all the worry Regina was trying to keep hidden. She needed to stay strong – because it was what Emma needed; she needed Regina’s quick thinking and smart decisions, not her emotions.

 

But none of that stopped her from joining Snow on the ground, expensive slacks dirtying without care. Her second hand reached out without thought, carefully stroking the side of Emma’s face. She was all right, but that did not stop Regina from recognizing that if one thing had gone wrong, if Emma hadn’t had enough power inside of her, there was a possibility that she wouldn’t be okay – and it would all be because somewhere inside Emma’s foolish, foolish head, she thought Regina was someone worth protecting, worth risking her own life for.

 

“We need to get her to Whale,” Snow said with certainty, determination slipping into her voice and strengthening it to that of the hopeful fighter Regina knew Snow to be.

 

Regina pulled her hand away from Emma’s face, as though she was suddenly realizing they were surrounded by people and she had been stroking the face of a friend more tenderly than one probably should. Her fingers curled into the palm of her hand and she brought it up to her face to cover her mouth as she cleared her throat and dragged her eyes away from Emma.

 

Snow had yet to look away from Emma, so there was a strong chance that she didn’t notice the open emotions that flitted across Regina’s face – but Regina noticed it, and she knew, as she had known for months now, that she needed to work harder on hiding how part of her felt softer and warmer around Emma.

 

“Whale?” Regina repeated with a scoff. Snow couldn’t possibly be serious. Turning to Whale for help with a magical reaction would make as much sense as them going to Doc – he might have the name, as Whale had the title, but Regina would not be letting either of them near Emma while she was in her current state. “You get a nasty rash, you go to Whale. Your stubborn daughter who thinks she needs to protect any and everyone all on her own loses consciousness because she drained herself of all her magic, you go to someone whose knowledge of magic isn’t as limited as your wardrobe. She doesn’t need a doctor, she needs...”

 

Snow turned her head to Regina, and even with everyone around them trying to speak over each other - -

 

“What were those things?”

 

“I thought we were safe!”

 

“Is the Savior going to be okay?”

 

\- - for the moment that Snow’s eyes held hers, it was as though some type of quiet understanding was being shared. Snow nodded her head once, decidedly and sure, and lifted the hand that had previously been resting on Emma’s cotton-covered shoulder. “She needs you,” she said, that no-brainer kind of way, like _of course,_ and gave Regina’s second hand a tight, encouraging squeeze, all the trust and faith she had in Regina there in her open eyes.

 

Regina still wasn’t used to it, to the unwavering trust, would never be used to it, but she gave a tight smile and her eyes automatically moved down to look at Emma. She’d seen Emma bruised and cut, broken on the inside so badly that she didn’t even look like herself. But the woman she felt compelled to help, to do _something_ for, looked strangely comfortable for a person who laid on the ground unconscious, like even when not present in the moment she knew she had succeeded. Even so, the fact that Emma was unconscious and her power had not already restored itself caused a small twist in Regina’s gut because, whether Emma was physically hurt or not, Regina didn’t like seeing her laying there like that.

 

“Yes, she needs my help,” she said instead of agreeing, because agreeing that Emma needed her felt like too much, “and she needs to be somewhere quiet where half the town isn’t hovering over her like she’s Storybrooke’s prized pet and they’re waiting for her to do a trick.” Regina’s voice raised as she said the last part, hoping to plant seeds of guilt, her eyes narrowing as she lifted her head and made eye contact with several of the rambunctious citizens.

 

And then, without saying a word, Regina brought Emma and Snow away from the town’s center and to the place where Emma would want to be if she had any say in that moment. She brought them to Regina’s own home.

 

.

 

.

  
.

 

The principal and teachers at the school Emma completed most of the fourth grade in – school number five – said she was a trouble starter who could do much better if she stopped picking fights and turned in her homework. They didn’t know that her new foster home was always full of people screaming and the other kids there liked to push her around when their foster mom wasn’t looking. They didn’t find out the truth about the fights, didn’t look deeper than asking other students who didn’t know the truth about what was going on. They didn’t know that Emma had been picked on from the moment she introduced herself to the class that first day, dressed in clothes from when she was half-a-foot shorter. They didn’t know that Emma was defending herself, and they never tried to find out the truth. So Emma had grown to understand that people didn’t care about the truth – they believed what they wanted to believe.

 

That was also the year Emma met Rosaline, the girl who read alone at the end of the lunch table, hiding her chipped tooth and big glasses – and Emma had learned after taking the empty seat in front of her one day, one of the biggest hearts Emma would ever know someone to have. Rosaline had been Emma’s only friend, the only thing that kept her from hating that school, being with that family, and life itself. She knew there must have been somebody before Rosaline, but Emma couldn’t remember anyone ever treating her with genuine care, wanting to _really_ be her friend and not just saying so to later make fun of her for clinging to the possibility of someone actually choosing her.

 

They had been inseparable, the way any two outcasts were when they found each other. They laughed as they did their homework together during recess – because Rosaline actually listened when Emma told her about how she never had any space at the small house, and how there were never any quiet moments – and swapped books that they left notes tucked in with comments about their favorite parts. They made matching beaded bracelets, and for the few months Emma had been in that school, it was Rosaline and Emma against the world.

 

So when Emma found a group of bullies that she knew all too well cornering Rosaline in the playground, she practically resembled a cartoon character with white streams of steam blowing out of her ears and nostrils. She’d been labeled a trouble starter from the start, a fighter, but that had been the first time Emma truly saw red, the first time she wanted to punch someone and make them hurt. When she sat in the principal’s office that day, a scratch on her cheek but not a mark on Rosaline beside her, she didn’t care that she was going to get in trouble. She’d been labeled as a problem student since the start, and if she was protecting her best friend in the process, she didn’t mind earning the label. But her foster mom did, didn’t like having to leave “work” (read: the sofa) to pick up Emma again because of bad behavior. So she was sent back to the orphanage, and that was the last day she saw Rosaline. But it was also the day Emma decided that protecting those who were important to her would always come first. No matter the outcome, no matter how it would affect her, she needed to protect the people she cared about.

 

For a long while, though, there was nobody she was close to, nobody she would bloody her knuckles or stand up to a bully for.

 

But then there was Henry, and her mom, and her dad, and her baby brother, and...

 

Emma’s eyes popped open with a gasp, like the air from her lungs had been sucked out quickly and then pushed back in instantly. Her brain flooded with the last images she saw before her head hit the ground and she started feeling far away from her body. Main Street, the beasts, her magic, Regina’s magic, _Regina._

 

“Regina,” she said with another sudden gasp, trying to sit up but realizing her mother’s hand was on her arm. Everybody was there – Snow, David, Henry, all of their eyes watching her, her family by her side – but Emma looked past them all, because _they_ were safe, but she didn’t know about Regina. She was in Regina’s living room, so that had to mean something. “Where’s Regina? Is she all right? Where–”

 

“Would you relax?! I’m right here.”

 

There had never been a more soothing sound than the rich tone of Regina’s voice, even when Emma could almost hear the eye roll that came with Regina’s reassurance. Everyone was all right, and that was all Emma needed to know.

 

Emma tilted her head back and looked towards the entryway. Regina raised her brow when their eyes met, and Emma grinned dopily at her. “Hey.”

 

The tiniest of smiles tried to make an appearance on Regina’s lips; there was a small twitch at the corner of her mouth. But Regina huffed instead of smiling as she uncrossed her arms and straightened up. “You do not get to ‘hey’ me like everything is all right, Emma,” she told her with a pointed finger. “Everything is not all right. How many times must we talk about you putting yourself in danger before–”

 

“She was protecting the town,” David reminded in a louder voice than Regina’s, just so she would bring hers down because it was growing louder with each word she said.

 

Emma ignored her father, though, and felt her smile fall down to a frown as she forced herself up to a sitting position, two pairs of hands trying to help when she didn’t need it, and Henry giving her shoulder a squeeze and a smile once she was upright. Henry had heard this back and forth between Regina and Emma more than anyone, their roles switching depending on which of them had put herself in danger. He knew better than to jump in the middle of it, probably knew what Emma knew, that they needed to say these things to each other because they both felt like the other didn’t know how valuable they were.  

 

“Listen,” Emma started, but she was cut off by Regina shaking her head and approaching her, face set with determination, eyes locked on Emma’s, serious and, hidden beneath everything else, there was worry she probably thought nobody could see – but Emma saw it.

 

“No, you listen to me. What you did out there was stupid and–”

 

“Regina,” Snow said in a high-pitched voice, turning her head quickly away from Emma and looking at her. “What she did out there was incredibly _brave,_ ” she said, squeezing Emma’s knee, “and it probably saved yours and everybody else’s life.”

 

Emma ignored what her mother had to say, just as she had with her father. Emma didn’t look away from Regina, didn’t argue against her. Emma waited, waited for Regina to say what she had to say before she spoke.

 

Regina scoffed in response to Snow and rolled her eyes dramatically. “That overgrown gorilla could have ripped her apart in seconds if something had gone wrong. She _taunted_ a 800-pound beast with claws, and you think that’s brave? _That_ was reckless and dangerous, and she could have gotten hurt. Then what?” Regina turned back to Emma and asked, in that tone she used when she was trying to sound disappointed and angry but all she really sounded was scared, “What were you thinking?”

 

Emma stayed quiet, and so Regina raised her brow in an exaggerated manner.

 

“Oh,” Emma said, “I can speak now?”

 

Regina’s eyes narrowed, and Emma couldn’t resist the small smirk she gave in response. But she knew Regina was more than just mad at her, knew that there was probably a moment or two where she was mostly just worried and scared, and she knew she wouldn’t have shared those feelings with anyone and would have tried keeping it all in. So Emma didn’t poke fun too much, because she knew what it was like to be the one worried and trying to keep a brave face.

 

“Do you want me to say that I’m sorry for trying to protect you? Because I’m not.”

 

Regina stiffened a little and pulled at her blouse and brushed away wrinkles or lint or whatever was there that only she could see.

 

“That thing could have shish-kabobed you on one of its horns, or flattened you like a pancake, or–”

 

“Please, no more food references,” Henry muttered from beside her.

 

Emma glanced at him and shrugged her shoulder a little. “Magical battles make me hungry.” She patted her stomach, and Henry screwed up his face.

 

“My point is,” she said as she turned back to look at Regina, “you were already in danger, and I wasn’t just going to sit there and watch you get hurt.”

 

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Regina told her, stubborn as ever.

 

Emma shrugged. “Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing if the roles were reversed,” she challenged. “Maybe you would have come up with a smarter plan, because, yes, I admit taunting the thing might have been a little stupid, but when it comes down to it, if you had been in my position, you would have tried to save me, even if it meant something could have happened to you. Tell me I’m wrong.”

 

Regina’s lips parted, but no sounds left her mouth even as her lips moved as if readying to push words out. Regina’s brow wrinkled and, after Emma raised an eyebrow to make her point, she huffed and clamped her lips tightly.

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Regina,” Snow said gently, “I think all Emma is saying is that she did what any of us would have done. We have a town that needs our protection, and a family to keep safe. Businesses were damaged, cars... Storybrooke is our home, and we have to do whatever it takes to make sure our home is a safe place for all of us,” she said, looking from Emma to Regina, and then glancing at David and Henry.

 

“Don’t you think I know that? I’m perfectly aware of the damage done to Storybrooke, as I am aware that, whether they appreciate it or not, we have promised our protection to those who live here. My issue isn’t with Emma trying to protect Storybrooke, it’s, it’s...” Regina trailed off with a heavy breath, dropping her eyes and suddenly looking uncomfortable.

 

Snow looked like she was waiting for Regina to continue, but Emma knew she wouldn’t. Emma wasn’t sorry for what she did, wouldn’t have done anything differently if given the chance to. However, Emma was sorry for something. She was sorry for making Regina worry about her. She didn’t know if she had always worried this way, or if it was something new, but Emma wasn’t used to it and didn’t like it – not because it didn’t feel good to know someone cared, but because Regina’s worry wouldn’t stop her from putting others first, and that worry usually multiplied when Emma was in danger.

 

Emma cleared her throat. “I’m fine,” she said quietly, looking at Regina. Regina’s eyes were lowered to the ground, so she waited, and waited, and waited for Regina to look at her. Emma tilted her head and smiled gently at her. “I’m fine,” she repeated, like she knew that was what Regina needed to hear.

 

Everybody’s eyes were on Regina, but Regina’s were on Emma, silently holding her gaze.

 

“You better be,” she said seriously.

 

And although nobody but Emma smiled in response – grinned broadly, really – everybody could feel the shift in the room as things settled.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina gripped the edge of the sink with both hands and let her head fall between her shoulders, her spine curved as she pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Emma had only been awake for roughly twenty minutes and already the Charmings were driving Regina up a wall with all of their fussing over Emma and congratulating her for what she’d done. If Regina had to hear about the safety of the town one more time, she swore she would–

 

No, Regina mentally told herself, shaking her head and taking another deep breath. She cleared the negative thoughts away slowly with each strong inhale and long exhale.

 

“You know, you don’t have to use excuses to get away from us when you need a moment to yourself.”

 

The air she’d just pulled in rushed back out. “I thought I told you to stay seated while I came to get you something to drink.” Regina groaned lowly, squeezing around the cold sink with even more pressure. “And if you knew I needed a moment alone, what are you doing in here?”

 

Emma pulled open the fridge – far too comfortable in her house, Regina thought, even as she secretly liked how at home Emma acted in Regina's house – and rummaged through it, most likely making a mess of Regina’s neatly stacked Tupperware and organized vegetables. If there was one thing Regina could count on, it was Emma bringing disorder where Regina tried to keep things in neat little boxes with proper labels.

 

“I came to tell you that you can stop hiding out now. Now that they know I’m okay, and Zelena confirmed that the portal is gone, they want to go get the little one from the convent. Your sneaky kid found a way to get ice cream out of them, so he tagged along. They said they'll have him home for dinner.”

 

“I wasn’t hiding,” Regina protested stiffly as she turned around, leaning against the counter. “I’m waiting for the kettle. And if his appetite is ruined, you’re both going to be in trouble for that.”

 

Emma gave her a disbelieving look and took the container she’d just removed from the fridge over to the island. “Right. You’ve been in here for five minutes already. But you’re not hiding. Nope.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes at Emma’s sarcasm.

 

“Anyway, he’s my kid, too. He’s going to be hungry again soon.”

 

Regina hummed and watched her pull off the top from her bowl and dig her fork into the cold pasta. Regina’s nose scrunched up with distaste. “That is disgusting.”

 

Emma raised her eyes from her food, hunched over a little, but still she filled her mouth with linguine. “I’m hungry,” she said with her mouth full, chewing.

 

“I have a microwave.”

 

Emma stared blankly at Regina, chewing quietly.

 

Regina shook her head and walked over to the island. She snatched the bowl away from Emma, ignoring her grumbled protests and her trying to steal another forkful, and brought it to the microwave herself, wondering how _this_ was the woman she sometimes found herself wanting a future with – a future she would never have, but still one she often couldn’t stop herself from imagining when she was left alone with too much time on her hands.

 

“You know, the pasta’s just as good cold as it is hot.”

 

Regina glanced over her shoulder for a quick second. “If you’re going to eat my food without even asking for it first, you’ll at least have it the way it’s meant to be eaten.”

 

The kettle began loudly whistling a few moments later, so Regina turned to get it, only to find Emma already up from her stool and heading towards the stove. “I’ve got it.”

 

“You’re supposed to be sitting down,” Regina sighed, brushing past Emma and carefully taking the kettle from her hand. “Go,” she said, nodding her head back to the island. “Sit.”

 

Emma rolled her eyes and didn’t listen. “I told you, I’m fine. My head doesn’t even hurt.”

 

“Must I remind you that you not only completely drained your supply of magic, you took a nasty fall in the middle of the street?”

 

Regina’s hand tightened around the handle of the kettle as the image of Emma, crumbled and still, forced itself to the forefront of her mind. An uncomfortable twist in her belly became noticeable a mere second later, and she forced herself to push the feeling away.

 

“I’ve seen you go through a freaking clock tower and get up and walk away. Are you seriously going to treat me like a child like my parents just did because I fell?”

 

Regina ignored Emma and pulled out a mug, only speaking to her once the microwave beeped. “Enjoy my pasta.”

 

Emma stood there with her arms crossed for a moment, staring down the unbothered Regina. But when Regina just continued making Emma her tea, Emma huffed and stomped her foot a bit before walking away. Regina rolled her eyes, but a small smirk twitched at her lips as she watched Emma out of the corner of her eye.

 

When the tea was done, she set the mug in front of Emma and then leaned against the side of the island. “I should warn you before you drink it–”

 

“You spiked it with something gross, didn’t you?” Emma asked as she pulled the tea to her and frowned, looking into the mug like it held bubbling mud instead of something that would help heal her.

 

“Just a small dosage of a rejuvenation potion. It’ll give your magic a little... _kick_ that should help wake it up.”

 

Emma turned her nose up and pushed it away. “Yeah, I’m going to pass. It took me a week to get the taste of that last potion out of my mouth.”

 

“Must you make even the simplest of things so difficult, Emma?”

 

“I don’t see you rushing to drink any of your nasty potions,” Emma said like she was making the best point that could be made, pointing her fork at Regina and everything.

 

“That would be because _I’m_ not the one who can’t feel my magic anymore,” Regina countered, and then, because she could, she waved a hand between them and a bear claw appeared. “See?”

 

Emma licked her lips hungrily, even as she twirled her fork in the linguine. “I see you’re trying to bribe me, yes,” Emma said, eating her pasta but eyeing the pastry.

 

Predictable, so very predictable. Regina picked up the bear claw and pulled off a small piece and slowly put it in her mouth, the sweet icing sticking to her fingers. She hummed in delight, mostly for show, but genuinely enjoying the unhealthy snack that Emma was so fond of. Emma chewed her pasta and watched Regina and the pastry very carefully, like she was worried it would disappear before she had a chance to have any of it. Regina merely lifted an eyebrow and waited, sucking her thumb clean instead of wiping her hands with a napkin or washing them like she usually would – it made Emma’s cheeks darken with a slight flush, and, well, Regina took pleasure in small things like that.

 

“Well?”

 

Emma ran her teeth over her lip and looked away, towards her tea. “Fine,” she agreed, “but I’m not doing it because you think sugary treats work on me all the time.”

 

“So you won’t mind if I finish this, then, will you?”

 

“Don’t even think about it! You can’t dangle something I love in front of me and then not even let me have it. Jeez. I didn’t say I don’t _want it,_ you damn tease. I just said it’s not the reason.”

 

Regina held in a chuckle as Emma practically ripped the soft pastry from her hand, making the icing spread over both of their fingers. “Whatever the reason, do make sure you drink it all.”

 

Emma took a large bite from the bear claw and then put it down on the dessert plate it had appeared on. She went back to watching Regina as she chewed, thoughtfully, like she was trying to figure something out. It made Regina feel slightly unsettled, so she removed herself from the situation, knowing that sometimes what she needed most from Emma was space.

 

Regina turned on the water to wash her hands, licking the sweetness from one more finger before properly cleaning her hands. The rush of warm water and the lemony scent of the soap combined made her sigh and relax, her shoulders feeling lighter as the tension left them.

 

“I know my mom wanted to bring me to the hospital,” she heard over the sound of the water, and although Regina was finished washing her hands, she didn’t shut it off. “Thanks for bringing me here instead.”

 

Regina scrubbed between her fingers as she searched for words to say in response. Did she need to explain that she knew how much Emma hated doctors and wouldn’t have let Snow make that decision for her? Should she pretend like she didn’t understand that Emma would rather have taken care of herself than have someone else do it? Did she act as if all the little things she picked up during conversations, during their alone time, from just _knowing_ Emma weren’t filed away in her brain, in a neat folder with the rest of the important things she made sure to remember about Emma?

 

The space between her thumb and index finger became sore and red by the time she settled on words to say.

 

“I know it was what you would have wanted,” she said simply – and maybe not so simply at all.

 

“Of course you did,” Emma said softly, like she was smiling.

 

Regina looked over her shoulder. Emma _was_ smiling, looking down into her mug, cheeks lightly colored, body perfectly relaxed. And Regina couldn’t look away. She should. Oh, how she knew she should. But she couldn’t.

 

Emma was beautiful, and Regina spent too much time trying to ignore that to look away this time.

 

She was enraptured.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Maybe there hadn’t been enough of the potion inside her tea, because Emma kept trying to make _something_ happen, and all she was getting was a whole lotta nothing. There was no spark, no rush, not even that tingling she felt in her fingertips when her emotions were out of control and her magic tried to escape without her consent. Regina said she just needed to give it time, but Emma was starting to doubt that time could fix this – time never did much for her anyway; it was always action that worked.

 

Emma flopped back on the bed she was sitting on and looked at her hands, normal, ordinary, magicless hands. She held them above her face and scrutinized them, followed lines that marked her palms, stretched her fingers out wide and looked between them, flipped them over and stared at her knuckles and veins like they held the answer to her latest issue. They weren’t where she felt her magic forming normally, but they were the tools she used to wield it. She was starting think that maybe there was something wrong with them.

 

She frowned. Her brow furrowed.

 

Three soft knocks on the door made her quickly shove her hands underneath her thighs as she sat up, though, looking at the door. “Yeah?”

 

It slowly pushed open, just an inch or two. “You’ve been up here for three hours and I haven’t heard any noise from downstairs. I thought it would be wise to check on you.”

 

Emma snorted and fell back down on the bed, really seeing the guest room for the first time since she closed herself in it. Since she stepped in, she’d been trying to start up her magic and little else had warranted her attention. It was probably stupid to think it, maybe, but she had thought that if she went somewhere she felt at ease, calm, she would have a better chance getting her magic to work. Even here, in the room she had sorta, without really noticing, filled with her stuff over the last half of the year and claimed as her own for when she needed a place to sleep, which was more often than not, Emma still couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

 

“I thought you wanted me to rest?” Emma asked as she sat up on her elbows, shaking her hair out so it fell down behind her, a wavy mess that undoubtedly looked twice as untamed as it had when they were fighting those beasts. She ran her fingers through it a lot when she was thinking, and messed it up, and just– well, it had looked better when she left her house that morning. “Isn’t that why you sent me up here?”

 

“And since when do you actually do as you’re told? Should I be expecting you to be more cooperative from here on out? Because I have a long list of things we need to discuss if that’s the case,” Regina said with a small smirk, pushing the door open further so it wasn’t blocking her.

 

She’d changed out of her office clothes, Emma noticed, and washed her hair. She finally looked like she was at home, no longer as though she was waiting for a call saying they needed to rush out of the house because something else had happened. She looked comfortable, and Emma knew from experience how rare it was that she actually felt that way. Emma liked it.

 

She smiled softly at Regina and raised her shoulders up a little. “I’ve learned that sometimes it pays to listen to _some_ of your unreasonable commands.”

 

Regina shook her head, a little bit of mirth twinkling in her eyes, and then leaned it against the door frame. “I _suggested_ that you rest – which is far from being unreasonable. It was for your own good. Has - -?” Regina gestured with her hand towards Emma’s own, making a noise inside of her throat instead of using words.

 

Emma shook her head, frowning, balling her hands into fists as they now laid on her lap.

 

“It’s only temporary,” Regina assured her, looking down at Emma’s hands thoughtfully. Her eyebrows knitted together like they sometimes did, and Emma knew something was on her mind.

 

Emma raised her brow, watching Regina curiously. “What?”

 

“Hmm?” Regina lifted her eyes to meet Emma’s suddenly and shook her head like she was trying to get rid of a thought, or maybe an idea. “Oh, nothing. I was...” She pursed her lips and crossed her arm around her body. “Never mind.”

 

The bed sheets rustled underneath Emma as she sat up and moved on the bed, folding her legs and resting her elbows on her thighs. Emma had spent a lot of her time around Regina lately. It had started after they returned from New York earlier in the year and soon discovered that the part of Regina that they believed to had been destroyed, the darkest parts of her, was walking the streets of Storybrooke. There was a mutual need to protect each other, their families, and anyone else the queen without a conscious had gone after, and they had been determined to work together to do whatever it took to keep their loved ones safe. And even once Regina’s two halves were safely joined, Emma had stuck around. So by now, Emma considered herself an expert on Regina’s little tells. This was why she simply sat and waited, knowing Regina was going to say something. She just needed to find the words she thought were best.

 

Emma could wait. She was good at that, good at letting things just happen even when she didn’t know how long it would take.

 

Regina flexed her hands as she shifted on her feet and looked around the bedroom. Emma followed her eyes’ movement. The trunk at the foot of the bed was covered with folded jeans and a few shirts. The closet door was open, and inside were jackets that hung neatly on hangers. In the corner of the room, next to the window, there was an armchair, and in its seat there was the book Emma had been reading the last time she stayed the night. Regina didn’t comment on any of it, but she slowly took in every surface, every spot, and Emma wondered if maybe she had too much stuff there, too much lying around the room. But Regina didn’t look bothered – intrigued by something unknown to Emma, perhaps, but not bothered.

 

Regina looked over her shoulder to the hallway and then turned back to look at Emma. “There’s a supply of candles in the bathroom that I’ve just restocked earlier in the week. Feel free to take a look and see if there are any that you like.”

 

A slow smile spread across Emma’s face in response. What might have sounded like a simple comment to anyone else felt like an invitation to Emma, that _you’re welcomed here_ that wasn’t put into those exact words but was hidden in between the ones Regina had chosen to say making her feel less like an intruder, less like someone who was taking up too much space. She remembered mentioning during a conversation they had a long while ago how she used to light candles and read in the middle of the night when she was stressed before she came to Storybrooke – which was often – and she briefly wondered if Regina remembered that.

 

“Thanks,” Emma said softly. “I’ll check them out later.” Regina nodded and looked around again, like she was trying to find a reason to stay. Emma rolled her eyes internally and patted the bed with her hand. “You don’t have to stand all the way over there like I’m contagious or something. Come in. Sit with me. Help me stop obsessing over the fact that I’m broken.”

 

Regina looked slightly surprised by the invitation and almost smiled as she started walking in. But then at the last part, Regina’s lips pulled downward instead and she huffed out a breath. “You’re not _broken,_ Emma. What did you tell me when I was in your situation just four months ago?”

 

She looked down at the bed for what felt like several long minutes, her brow wrinkling a bit like it sometimes did when she was contemplating something. It was only a few seconds, of course, but it felt much longer to Emma as she waited for Regina to take a seat. When she didn’t, Emma shook her head and pulled her down to the bed herself, wrapping a hand around Regina’s wrist and guiding her as she started speaking.

 

“That was different. I may not be an expert when it comes to all of this, but I’m pretty sure being separated from part of yourself and then going through all that we went through to get you, uh, well, you you again is a lot more serious than me taking down a few stinky beasts. All the crap that went wrong, the struggles... You not feeling your magic was understandable. This...” Emma trailed off with a sigh as she wiggled her useless fingers in front of her.

 

Regina reached over as if she was going to cover Emma’s hands with her own, but she pulled her hand back almost as quickly as she had reached out. Somehow, Emma thought she could still feel the warmth of her skin on her and stilled her fingers.

 

“Every situation is different. You can’t compare one to another, nor should you feel like there is a minimum amount of complications that need to occur for it to be seen as acceptable for something to go wrong with your magic. As I’ve said many times, magic in this world can be less reliable than it is in other realms. It doesn’t make you broken. 

 

"In case you have forgotten, it took over a month for me to once again feel comfortable using my magic, and several weeks for me to even consider it an option."

 

Emma knew that what Regina was saying was true, but she still wished she could feel it, even just a little bit of the magic that was normally right there when she needed it. It had become a part of her that she was used to, a part of her that she didn’t rely on but liked knowing was there. Regina had experienced the same thing, not being able to tap into what she knew was there even though she could not feel it; Emma now wondered if she had felt as uncertain, and sorta lost, like Emma was starting to feel.

 

“If I could just...”

 

Emma chewed on the corner of her lip silently and tried to focus, tried to build up her magical energy. She felt like she was reaching for something miles away.

 

Regina watched for a moment and then smiled, placing her hand on Emma’s knee as she shifted on the bed. “Don’t strain yourself, Emma. When the time is right, it will happen, you know that.”

 

And that was when she felt it, just a small spark, barely-there but warm and familiar and _magical._ She looked down to the hand on her knee and then up to Regina, meeting her eyes. “I feel,” she started, but when Regina’s hand pulled away, the feeling that had slowly started to appear fizzled out and it was gone again, nothing. So instead of continuing and answering the question in Regina’s eyes, she sighed with disappointment and shook her head. “False alarm.”

 

Regina frowned and looked down at Emma’s knee, as if she was also aware of the spark her touch had created. _Had she been?_ “It won’t last forever. Your magic is inside of you. Right now there might be something blocking it, but it will always be there.”

 

Emma heard the words, but she was too busy trying to figure out if the hand on her knee had caused the spark or if it had just been a coincidence to say anything more than, “I know,” in response.

 

It was quiet in the bedroom for a few minutes after that, the entire house sounding silent and empty.

 

“Will you be staying tonight?” Regina asked, and with the lack of conversation, her question sounded sudden and as though it had just popped out of nowhere.

 

Emma still answered immediately, for there was only one answer to that question. “Of course. I’m starving.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes, but Emma saw the amusement as it pulled at the brunette’s lips and the creases at the corners of her eyes deepened. “You’re hardly starving after eating just three hours ago.”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders and then fell back on the bed, laying on her back and patting her stomach. She turned her head so she was facing Regina. “Maybe not starving, but I wouldn’t say no to food. And I’m not convinced everything is safe yet. I wanted to talk to you about checking for portals. Today could have gone a lot worse, and we weren’t really prepared.”

 

Regina nodded in agreement. “After dinner. I’ll call Zelena and find out what she discovered, and then you and I can–”

 

“Come up with a safety plan,” Emma suggested. “Everyone running around in chaos earlier wasn’t exactly ideal. It’s not like this was the first time something out of the ordinary – if we can even call it that now – happened here, and it won’t be the last. Even if it’s just finding somewhere safe to go when shit goes down, everyone should know that there are better options than running around like we’re under attack in some crazy movie. I think they could manage a little more order, you know?”

 

Regina nodded once again. Emma could get used to Regina agreeing with her.

 

“And I think I’m going to spend the night, if that’s okay with you. I’d feel better knowing that if something happened...”

 

Regina did not agree this time. “If something were to happen, I would be able to take care of the situation. I was serious earlier when I said I don’t need you to protect me.”

 

Emma rolled her eyes and moved onto her side, closer to Regina. She plucked absently at the comforter as she spoke. “Then let me protect our son. If you’re not going to let me be there for you, let me at least be here for Henry.” She smiled hopefully and waited.

 

She didn’t have to wait long at all for Regina to give her the nod she was looking for as she said, “For Henry.”

 

Emma grinned a wide grin, a little smug. “And if I just so happen to save your ass in the process one more time, well, who’s going to complain about that?”

 

Regina swatted Emma’s thigh and hid her smile – or at least tried to. Emma reached down and captured Regina’s hand with her own, impulsive and having a sudden urge for a deeper connection. She looked away from the slightly widening eyes that were now searching her own as she did so. Sometimes there felt like there were a lot of questions between them that were never asked, but Emma didn’t think they really needed to be, not when more was said between them in the silence than it was when they were speaking.

 

“I should get started on dinner,” Regina said quietly and started pulling her hand away from Emma’s, not enough to actually leave but enough to show intent.

 

Emma nodded understandingly, but she tightened her grip on Regina’s hand instead of letting it go. “I wouldn’t have done anything differently out there, you know? Even knowing my magic would mess up and everything...” Emma shrugged her shoulder, eyes focused on the way her thumb looked as it brushed Regina’s knuckles. Her skin was soft, the bones hard, and Regina sighed ever so slightly at the contact, another thing she tried to hide that Emma noticed. “Maybe you don’t get it, but you’re too important to me for me to lose you.”

 

Her breath catching was Regina’s only response, and Emma dared to look up to see her face. Such an expressive face Regina had, and Emma could see just about every possible emotion fighting to be the one to be on it. Emma’s stomach felt tight and heavy, but she didn’t look away, didn’t take the words back. They’d been through a whole lot together, and Emma didn’t stop seeing the positive impact Regina had on her life, and she wouldn’t let Regina forget it either. When Emma brought it up, Regina was normally quick to try to cancel out every good thing she had done with something bad, but it never changed the way Emma saw her, didn’t make any difference to Emma.

 

“Whether you want my protection or not, you’ve got it. It doesn’t mean I don’t know you can take care of yourself – hell, I know the power and strength and fight in you and know better. It doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re a kickass partner,” she said, smiling a little when Regina’s mouth twitched. Emma licked her lips and squeezed Regina’s hand as she said, “It just means you mean something to me and it would hurt me a lot more to see you getting hurt out there than it would if I was the one getting hurt.

 

“I know you probably think it’s a savior thing, or about you being Henry’s other mother – or maybe you think this is me thinking I need to protect everyone. But it’s not. It’s... It’s just you. I like what we’ve built together, you know. I’ve never had a friendship that meant to me as much as this one does, or a friend who means as much to me as you do. I–”

 

“Emma,” Regina interrupted, sighing her name, a pleading look in her eyes that Emma didn’t really understand.

 

Emma frowned and sat up, not untangling her hand from Regina’s. In fact, she took their joint hands into her second, wrapped around it so that she was holding Regina’s one hand between both of hers. Regina looked down at their hands, but Emma leaned forward, closer, bending her head down and meeting Regina’s eyes. “Hey,” she said softly.

 

Regina gave her a confused look, her eyebrows knitting together. Her mouth opened like she wanted to speak, but she just looked at Emma, deep deep deep into her eyes. Emma forced herself not to look away.

 

And she said nothing, neither of them did, the silence too precious to destroy with useless words.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina didn’t remember laying down beside Emma, or falling asleep beside her. Given that she had a difficult time sleeping around most, it was a surprise that she had. But Emma was still holding her hand between the two of them, not letting go even as they slept. It was a sight that caused a wave of emotions to sweep through Regina that she wished she didn’t feel – for they felt too strong, too good, and it would be foolish to welcome something she knew could easily be taken away.

 

She sighed, knowing she should untangle their hands and leave Emma’s bed. But once again with Emma, Regina did not what she knew she should but what she wanted. She closed her eyes and relaxed, unable to turn off the voice that told her why lingering was a bad idea but choosing to ignore it for once. She had long accepted her feelings for Emma and knew that there would be no more between them than a friendship, so maybe there truly was no harm in allowing herself to enjoy these simple pleasures, the moments where Emma surprised her by initiating contact between them just when Regina had wished she were allowed (and willing) to reach out to her.

 

The last five months had been eye-opening for Regina. She’d gone from denying her feelings for Emma to hoping they would go away to accepting that they wouldn’t. She had learned how important the Charmings were to her, all of them, when there was a chance she could lose them but they stood by her side and fought with her,  _for_ her, instead of saving themselves. She had learned some truths about herself, about who she was at her core and how every layer of herself was important and necessary. She had developed a stronger bond with all of those she considered part of her family and witnessed how far their love for her really went, how much she meant to the people Regina would easily sacrifice herself to protect. (Seeing time and time again how quickly they would do whatever they could to keep her safe was unsettling, something she still did not do well accepting, but it was something that was undeniable.)

 

In the last five months, she had lost but gained much more – and a big part of what she had gained was right beside her.

 

Another sigh left her lips and Emma groaned, the sheets rustling a little.

 

“You’re quieter when you sleep,” Emma mumbled.

 

Regina’s eyes opened and, startled, she jerked away from Emma – attempted to, at least.

 

“No, stay,” Emma said tiredly, pulling Regina back when she tried to move.

 

Emma’s face looked soft and sleepy, perfectly relaxed, and there was more color in her cheeks than there had been when she brought Emma to her house earlier. Regina slowly lowered her head back down to the mattress and focused on that, on the life that was pouring back into Emma, on how much better she looked after proper rest.

 

Regina’s heart was beating a little faster than it should, thumping in her chest. She should leave. She should get up and make dinner. There was no reason to be laying in bed with Emma Swan. Except –

 

Emma smiled sleepily and brought their joint hands closer to her, holding them against her chest, like one would hold something they wanted to protect and keep close. “Don’t leave me.”

 

Regina’s heart stopped racing and ached instead, like someone was squeezing it in their fist. “Emma?”

 

Emma’s nose wiggled and she shook her head, holding their hands even closer to her chest. “I know. I’m clingy when I’m sleepy. Don’t tell anybody. Go to sleep and you'll forget about it."

 

Regina smiled a little. Henry was the same way when he was younger. Getting him to sleep on his own had been difficult for her because he had wanted to be in her arms all the time, or practically on top of her, his small body draped across her.

 

“I just don’t want you to go,” Emma whispered.

 

Regina swallowed. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, and the words sounded heavy with multiple meanings that Emma probably didn’t understand and Regina knew she shouldn’t promise.

 

She sighed and closed her eyes, determined to think of anything other than Emma and how she could get used to the way it felt when Emma held her hand.

 

But, even though she tried, _“You’re too important for me to lose you,”_ was all she could think about.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost twelve hours late... Sorry about that. I fell asleep before finishing it. But here's day two!

**travel**

 

Stretching and yawning widely, Emma woke up with the sun slipping between the parted curtains and touching her face with its warmth. She squinted her eyes against the bright light and groaned throatily, feeling the pull in her limbs and feet as she continued to stretch in the outrageously comfortable bed. Instead of getting up afterward, she rolled over onto her stomach and buried her head in the pillows, closing her eyes to escape the light of the early morning.

 

The scent of coconut had flirted with her nose a moment ago, but now she unabashedly pulled in deeply the scent that Regina had left behind in Emma’s bed the evening before. It was funny what a scent could do to you, and Emma had discovered that this particular one made her want to sigh and close her eyes and just breathe for a little while. It was comfort like nothing she had ever known, warm and a little sweet, kind of like what she thought an island would smell like, and there was just _something_ about it that made Emma feel like she could just be for a moment, just exist and nothing more.

 

She wrapped her arm around one of the pillows, pulling it closer to her. She never felt better rested than she did after sleeping at Regina’s home. The mattress in her own house, the one she rarely slept on, was cardboard with sheets compared to the one she was currently sinking into. Even when they had been spending almost every hour of the day in some type of battle – physical, magical, intellectual, or just the battle between two stubborn women – Emma could count on one thing: when she finally settled down and cleared her mind, she would sleep better than she had even known possible.

 

Emma hummed a sound of pure bliss and decided to stay in bed a little longer, wanting to enjoy the peace for as long as she possibly could.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Down in another bedroom, Regina was not doing as well.

 

Her night had been a mixture of tossing, turning, and overthinking – which left her not only feeling as though she needed three large mugs of coffee just to be able to face the world, but also with concerns and troubling thoughts she did not have the day before. It was not as though she was unaccustomed to her tendency to dwell on things much longer than most would. No, Regina had been left alone with nothing more than her thoughts too many times in her (sometimes quite lonely) life for her not to have developed a loud, opinionated internal voice which enjoyed taking everything apart until each of her thoughts were broken down and usually unrecognizable. The problem with her overthinking was not that it was something new to her, it was that she had believed she had moved past that which had occupied her mind the majority of her restless night.

 

Emma.

 

Emma Swan and her caring, her determination to make Regina happy, her partnership and friendship.

 

Emma Swan and her knowing looks and understanding eyes, her comforting shoulder leaning against Regina’s in the silence.

 

Emma Swan and her happiness, the freedom of her laughter, her ability to make Regina smile when she was boiling on the inside.

 

Emma Swan and her soft voice asking Regina to stay, and Regina’s inability to deny her of what she had wanted.

 

She had spent the night thinking about the good until it was all bad, until she couldn’t imagine Emma smiling without seeing the light in her eyes fading and it being because of something she would inevitably do to hurt Emma. Emma had worked too hard to find her inner peace and the joy that had been absent from her life for Regina to do anything that could possibly take that away from her. She wouldn’t allow herself to cause Emma any more pain in this or any other lifetime, and she feared that she would.

 

That fear was what kept her from seeking more, from hoping, from wishing that one day the feelings which she felt for Emma would be reciprocated. The risk that Emma would be hurt because of Regina was far too great, and Regina would not take it. What she had with Emma was already more than what she had ever believed she would have, and to want more would be selfish – and Regina didn’t want to be that, not with Emma, not when Emma would try to give Regina what she wanted even if it didn’t align with Emma’s own desires.

 

Sleepy and with a mind that, even for her, was too busy for the early morning, Regina pushed herself up to a sitting position with her back against the headboard. She let out a heavy sigh and pulled her knees to her chest, her chin leaning against silk-covered kneecaps. She felt weighed down and tense, tight. Despite being a feeling she felt less frequently than she had years before, the gloom that was surrounding her was not unfamiliar.

 

The closed curtains kept the sunlight out of the bedroom, and so the room was filled with a gray light that Regina felt was a good representation of the way she was feeling this morning. Her thoughts had sucked out all of the light that Emma had spilled into her the day before, turned what had been a sweet moment with Emma into a reminder of what she could not have, what she need not let herself get used to because it was not hers to keep.

 

She had warned herself about getting too close. But had she listened? Of course she hadn’t. She had convinced herself that as long as she remembered that Emma would never be more than her friend, there was no harm in letting Emma in. Regina liked to believe she knew best, even when the opposing argument was coming from within.

 

But perhaps she had been wrong, for Regina found that the more she revealed of herself to Emma, the closer Emma and she became, the more Regina wanted, craved, and ultimately had to fight against those feelings.

 

If only Emma were truly as much of a nuisance as she had once tried to convince herself she believed her to be. But damn her, and damn the luck that Regina did not possess, because Emma was no closer to being a nuisance in Regina’s eyes than Henry was. Emma was a surprise, with her unending need to help Regina find happiness, happiness that Regina had already found with Emma herself and their son. Emma was light shining through cracks of darkness. Emma was special, in ways Regina was certain Emma didn’t even know.

 

She hadn’t the slightest idea how Emma so effortlessly made her warm in places she had felt an icy chill that no other, no matter how much they cared for her, had ever been able to warm, too deep and hidden away for anyone to reach. She knew not how Emma could hold her hand and make her feel protected in a way she never believed anyone ever would, protected in a way she fought against more than was necessary. For all her thinking, she still did not understand how Emma somehow knew all of her secret desires, wants she would not voice, and longings she’d kept to herself – and she did not know why Emma wanted to give to her those things she had gone a lifetime without.

 

She did not understand Emma. Except she did.

 

A declaration of love was not needed, not when Regina had never been more certain it existed than she was when Emma was around. But why Emma loved her – _how_ – that was still a mystery to Regina, perhaps one she would never be able to solve. Nevertheless, Regina recognized that it was part of what fueled Emma’s actions. And whether Regina wanted it or not, knew what to do with it, she knew that Emma’s love was something she had.

 

(She certainly wanted, though. She wanted Emma’s love, cherished it, but she also knew she would never truly deserve it.)

 

Letting out a displeased groan, she brought her fingertips to her forehead and rubbed at her temples, feeling a headache approaching, as if her morning hadn’t been hellish enough already. She knew it was time to get out of bed and start the day. Sitting around thinking about this, about Emma, was not how she should spend her morning.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma was surprised that she was the first person downstairs, used to coming down half-dressed for the day with bed head while Regina and Henry were dressed and practically ready to walk out the door. It was Saturday, and also his summer vacation, so that explained her absent son; an early riser he was not during the weekend. However, Emma couldn’t recall a time that she beat Regina down to the kitchen – and the missing smell of coffee in the air was the only sign she needed to know that Regina had not already come down from her bedroom.

 

If she were anywhere else, this would be an uncomfortable situation for her. She didn’t like moving around other people’s houses when they were sleeping, felt out of place and like she didn’t know what to do with herself. It was strange being in pajamas in a home that was not your own, and she had felt that ‘you don’t belong here’ feeling too many times when starting fresh in a new house. But that was not the case as she made her way into the kitchen and immediately took out coffee grounds, two mugs, and decided that she would make everybody breakfast. Emma felt a lot of things, but like she didn’t belong was not one of them.

 

She felt a burst of warmth in her chest as she chuckled quietly, looking at the mugs that she had picked out of the cabinet for Regina and herself. They were gifts that Henry had given them back in May for Mother’s Day. Regina’s always made her laugh because of the accuracy. ‘I’m silently correcting your grammar,’ it read, and Emma had been on the receiving end of that (not silent at all, though) enough times to know it was probably true. Her own mug read, ‘Caution! I haven’t finished my coffee yet,’ which Regina said was fitting since Emma was known to be grouchy in the morning most days.

 

Thankfully, today Emma couldn’t stop smiling and was feeling wonderful. She’d been on some type of high since yesterday. Maybe it was the family game night they had had before going to bed, or the delicious food they had eaten before that, or just being around two of the most important people in her life, laughing and having a good time, being with her family. Whatever it was, Emma was still feeling the joy from the night before, and she was hoping it would stick around, just like the peaceful feeling she had had back in bed when she was surrounded by the smell of coconut.

 

“O-kay,” Emma said slowly as she spun around on her heels.

 

She had decisions to make, and they were serious, serious decisions.

 

“What do we want for breakfast?” she questioned, the possibilities forming a list in her head.

 

Pancakes, waffles, french toast, eggs, toast, sausage, bacon, fruit salad... Emma could almost moan.

 

Wait.

 

No.

 

Emma did moan, her lip catching between her teeth as she piled her hair up into a quick bun on top of her head and secured it with the elastic that had been around her wrist. It was no secret that Emma enjoyed a good plate of food, but what many did not know was how much she loved breakfast foods. Growing up eating cereal and milk most of the time, when she finally got a place of her own and had money to buy food, she learned how to make all the things she had always wished she could eat that the other kids always talked about. It didn’t matter that she usually slept through the mornings because most of her work was done at night. Midnight was the perfect time for pancakes and bacon, and nobody would ever convince her differently.

 

But as Emma moved around the kitchen, pulling open cabinets, opening drawers, taking things out of the fridge, it was not the ingredients for pancakes she was mentally listing. Once she saw the fresh loaf of bread from the bakery – because, apparently, Regina Mills was too good for packaged sliced bread – she automatically knew that she would be making french toast with apples and a delicious homemade sauce-syrup thingy that Regina had created. It was the kid’s favorite, something he asked for often, and Regina had reluctantly (or at least she tried to make Emma think it was done reluctantly) taught her how to make it a few weeks back. And Emma was pretty sure it was Regina’s favorite, too, so it was a win-win where she could treat both of them.

 

Just yesterday morning, Emma had spent several minutes searching her kitchen for a pot so she could warm some leftovers up since she didn’t have a microwave in her house. She had ended up giving up after searching everywhere and not finding one, showing up at the loft because she knew there were always muffins there Friday mornings and Snow was home since school was out. But here she was in Regina’s kitchen, counters covered with bowls and pans, and she hadn’t even needed to think about where anything was. She’d probably only cooked once or twice in her house, but she guessed that made sense when she ate most of her meals with other people and she never had anyone over at the house she herself didn’t even want to be in.

 

It was a common misconception that she couldn’t cook, but eating out in cities like Boston cost too much to not know how to throw some dishes together for when she was low on cash and couldn’t afford to go somewhere. Plus, Emma liked being able to say she could do things for herself, and do them properly. She just didn’t cook often. Besides little things like grilled cheese or a quick pasta, she didn’t actually care too much for doing it out of obligation; it was something she only did for the fun of it. Cooking was only enjoyable when she was in a good mood and she was doing it just because, rarely ever because she had to – which was why this was the perfect morning to show off her cooking skills.

 

Archie, who she had been seeing for almost as long as she had been spending most of her nights at Regina’s house, thought that the environment change had been good for her. Lily had said it was dumping Hook that had been good for her. (That was an inaccurate way of describing the way she and Hook sorta just fell flat, but Emma did _a lot_ of not thinking about him nowadays and didn’t think semantics were truly that important.) Emma knew that while they were both correct, what really had helped her feel more positive these days was being able to talk about all the stuff she kept bottled up. She had been doing a lot more talking lately – the good, the bad, and even the things that were hard to say – and it was working for her. She still kept a lot to herself for too long before eventually talking it out with Archie or Regina, or sometimes her parents, but undoing years of habits wasn’t going to happen overnight.

 

She was honestly proud of the progress she had made in therapy. She had gone from being tight-lipped and in denial that there was anything Archie could do for her, which had lasted several sessions, to this place where she actually looked forward to going in to see him. She’d never liked shrinks, thought they were a waste of time and money. Paying someone to listen to her? No, thanks. But Archie felt more like a friend, a friend with really good advice and a little more insight than she was initially comfortable with. Of course, the fact that she paid for this insight did not escape her, but it was money well spent.

 

Before she started seeing him, she had carried around a lot of baggage and stress, and most days she felt weighed down. But now, Emma thought as she bounced on her feet, going from the island to the sink, full of energy she had never had this early in the morning, now she felt light and happy. _Happy._

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina peeked into Henry’s room before heading downstairs to the first floor, the sound of him snoring loudly a small pleasure that she clung to with how foul she had been feeling. Even when he was asleep, her son could brighten even the worst of days for her. Seeing him with mussed hair and his face carrying that soft sleepy look that made her smile with all the adoration one could possibly hold in their body, she was reminded of all the mornings she had woken up with him beside her when he was a toddler who snuck into her bed and pretended to be asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow so Regina would not send him to his own bed.

 

And how could she? He curled up into her side and carried with him a unique scent that made her chest feel like it was glowing whenever she breathed it in, and before Henry, nobody had ever clung to her that way. It was a pleasure being on the receiving end of all the love he had to give, a pleasure to be what safe was for him, and Regina did not care that he had passed the age where all the books said he should be sleeping on his own. They didn’t see how safe he looked beside her, and there was nothing she wanted more for her little prince than for him to be safe.

 

It was thoughts of Henry that played in her mind as she walked down the hall and then the stairs, the hallway which once displayed expensive art but now held pictures that were worth even more to Regina. There were photographs all over the house, some from when Henry was younger and Regina wanted to capture every smile, every food-covered face, every second, just so she could re-live the moments that meant the most to her. But there were even more photographs from the last year than there were older ones – not that she had a shortage of either. They weren’t just of Henry, though. There were pictures of the two of them together, of Henry with Emma, him with his grandparents and baby uncle, a few with her sister and niece, all of them together, and there was even one that was just her and Emma, sitting on her desk next to another one with the two of them and Henry. ( _“Because I know you miss looking at this gorgeous face when I’m not here,”_ Emma had said with a mix of confidence and charm and silliness that Regina found terribly attractive on her.)

 

Emma had said it casually one time, that Regina’s house was more than just a house, that it was a home. And maybe Regina didn’t really see what she meant at the time of the conversation, but she understood now. There was a difference, and something made Regina believe that difference was important to Emma. It had been her who had hung up a lot of the photos, and Emma who had suggested their first bi-weekly family dinner with everyone over at Regina’s since the loft was too small, and it had been Emma who smiled when she walked into the house, like she was coming home to something, even when they were all walking in at the same time.

 

The house was not a house. This was a home, and it was just as much her and Henry’s home as it was Emma’s.

 

The thought made her pause outside of the kitchen door. There were moments of realization that threw her off-balance, but this was one that settled something inside her that had been tumbling about for hours.

 

Once again she was reminded of Henry clinging to her and wanting to be near her in his sleep, a thought that brought a warm feeling to her chest. And just as easily an image from the evening before, one that had played on a loop when she was trying to sleep, joined it, not diminishing the warmth but making it grow. She saw not only her young son silently declaring her his safe place but Emma doing what could easily be interpreted as the same thing. Their hands were clasped together and Emma was sleeping soundly beside her, moving closer and closer in her sleep until she had woken up and, almost shyly, smiled at Regina and closed her eyes right back like it was perfectly normal for them to be laying in bed together in the middle of the evening. Regina had said she wouldn’t leave, so she stayed – but just like she hadn’t been able to send Henry to his bed all those years ago, there was no way Regina could have left Emma.

 

Regina placed her hand on her chest and took a deep breath. As she slowly released it, she reminded herself that as much as she had enjoyed that moment, it had been too much.

 

She ran her fingers through her hair and then brushed them down the deep plum blouse she had chosen to go with her tailored black pants. Her head may be a mess, and her emotions not much better, but how she presented herself to the world was still something she had control of – and Regina looked no less put together than she did on her best days.

 

Pushing open the kitchen door, she was in the process of forcing a smile to appear on her face, only to find that faking it was completely unnecessary.

 

She had heard the noise from upstairs, and the music once she reached the dining room, but she had not expected that when she walked into the kitchen she would see Emma, wearing flour over her loose pajama pants and tight tank top, bobbing her head to the music as she mixed something in a large glass bowl. There was nothing disingenuous about the smile that stretched across her face – the fluttering in her belly would be proof enough if anyone distrusted her. She felt glued to her spot, unable to move, unwilling to look away from the sight in front of her. Emma cooked in her kitchen from time to time, was far better than she had anticipated she would be, but it was usually alongside Regina. She had never, in all of her time in Storybrooke, come downstairs and discovered someone making breakfast for her. And back in the Enchanted Forest, the people who did cook for her did so because it was what they were paid to do. But this...

 

Emma glanced over to the door, a smile stretching across her face like she had been aware that Regina was watching her the entire time she stood there silently. “Hey,” she said. Simple, simple Emma, making one word sound like a thousand Regina wanted to hear.

 

Regina tried to shake that longing out of her head, tried to remind herself of all the things that had kept her up at night. But Emma smiled as she wiped her hands clean on a dish towel, smiled over her shoulder before moving to the coffee machine, and kept on smiling as she proudly presented a steaming cup of coffee.

 

“Strong and hot enough to burn yourself if you’re not careful, just the way you like it,” she said, still smiling, and dammit, _dammit,_ Regina couldn’t even figure out how to speak with the way her heart was racing in her chest. There was no use trying to pretend like she hadn’t fallen in love with this woman and spent every day since realizing it discovering new reasons to love her.

 

 _“Say something. Do something. Don’t just stand there staring at her like an idiot, for crying out loud,”_ the loud voice in her head said, but Regina felt frozen in time and where she stood, and she would later kick herself for it, scold herself, but for a moment she just looked into Emma’s eyes with questions and wonderment in her own.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Speechless Regina was... _new_ , and kind of... _cute_. (But, that word would just be one Emma kept in her head. Regina would probably throw a fireball at her for calling her that. But it might be worth it, because it was the truth and Emma kind of really liked the way Regina’s eyes dazzled like they had stars in them.)

 

When Regina finally took the coffee from Emma, Emma shoved her hands into the pockets of her pajamas and grinned at Regina. Regina sometimes returned Emma’s grins with half-smiles or a mixture of those with a roll of her eyes, but this grin earned her one of Regina’s full, dazzling smiles, tentative at first, her lip twitching, slowly curving, and then nothing but pure beauty stretched across Regina’s face. It was a Henry smile, Emma was sure of it, but it was for _her_. It was a _damn you’re lucky to be on the end of it_ smile, full of light and something warm that glowed in her eyes as they crinkled at the edges. And hot damn, it was fucking beautiful – Regina was beautiful.

 

This was of course obvious, not news to anyone, but Emma’s heart suddenly lurched outward in response to Regina’s smile, and how happy and beautiful she looked had to be the reason for that.

 

Regina took a few careful sips of her coffee, holding Emma’s eyes over the rim, and Emma felt like she needed to stay right where she stood until Regina moved. She had breakfast to continue, but it could wait a moment. Regina’s eyes only closed for a few seconds, a look of bliss taking over her features, and then she nodded her head and sighed with pleasure.

 

Emma swallowed, her stomach doing a weird flip thing at the sound that she could almost ignore but wasn’t sure she should.

 

“Wow,” Regina breathed, or something that sounded like that, her tone too breathy for Emma to be sure. “That was just what I needed.”

 

This was a moment Emma should pat herself on the back for – figuratively, because it would just be odd to actually do it, especially when Regina was standing right there. “Two thumbs up for me then,” she said instead. “I didn’t know if it was going to be strong enough.”

 

“Oh,” Regina said with a nod, “it is definitely strong enough. I’ll most likely be requiring a refill instantly, but a definite improvement from the last time you made the coffee. Thank you.”

 

Emma nodded with probably too much pride. She couldn’t help it, though. Regina was very particular about her coffee, and Emma’s last attempt had been called both weak and a poor excuse for coffee. Emma had been determined to get it right for Regina this time, and succeeding made her want to grin and put a gold sticker on her forehead so everyone knew how well she did. (Okay, not really, but she was still proud of the small accomplishment.)

 

“Didn’t sleep well?” Emma asked a moment later, knowing multiple cups of coffee usually followed restless nights.

 

Regina raised her brow and looked away for a moment before shaking her head from side to side. “I had too much on my mind. I couldn’t have slept for longer than ninety minutes.”  

 

Emma whistled and frowned. “Ouch. That’s nothing. Was it because of yesterday?”

 

A flicker of surprise crossed Regina’s eyes before she nodded to the island and gestured for Emma to move aside so she could fully enter the kitchen. Emma slid on her socks, and Regina shook her head, a small smirk playing with her mouth as she glanced down to Emma’s feet, hands wrapped around her mug like she needed its warmth even though it was pretty warm in the kitchen.

 

“Why would you think yesterday had anything to do with my inability to sleep? Last night certainly wasn’t the first time I spent the night awake because sleep wouldn’t come to me.”

 

Emma followed Regina over to the island, taking her spot back in front of her mixing bowl and whisk while Regina sat on the other side. “Yeah, I know that. I pay attention when you speak, you know. But those _things_ , whatever the hell they were, did some damage that isn’t going to be easily fixed – especially with my magic playing hide ‘n’ seek and being too good at the hiding part. And you didn’t sound convinced about there not being any more unknowns lurking around. So, I don’t know, I just thought that might have been what was on your mind.”

 

“Oh, you were referring to _that._ I thought you meant– oh.”

 

Emma frowned, looking up from the breakfast she had started working on to see the hint of embarrassment on Regina’s face. “Yeah,” she said slowly, stretching it out, a bit confused. “What did you think I was talking about?”

 

Regina shook her hand and brought her mug up to her mouth, a clear dismissal of the conversation.

 

Emma studied her for any other reactions for a moment, but when she received none, she shrugged her shoulders and looked away. “Well, there’s plenty of coffee. I’ll pour more when you’re finished.”

 

A small half-snort met Emma’s ears. “I think I can manage pouring my own coffee, Emma.”

 

“Doesn’t mean I can’t do it for you, _Regina._ Does it?” she asked in a challenging tone, Regina’s name leaving her mouth with a little more emphasis than the rest. “Hmmm?”

 

Regina rolled her eyes. “Put yourself in danger to protect me, prepare my coffee just the way I like it _and_ insist on pouring it for me... What’s next?”

 

Emma grinned holding up an apple in the palm of her hand. “Make you breakfast?”

 

“Let me guess, you’re going to feed it to me as well?”

 

Emma’s grin fell at the sound of Regina’s teasing, but her stomach twisted when Regina licked her lips and her cheeks darkened, her eyes daring even though it looked like she wanted to look away.

 

“Don’t be an ass,” Emma said, feeling a little dejected but not enough for the feeling to last more than a few seconds.

 

Regina lowered her gaze and picked up her coffee. “Thank you for making breakfast,” she said softly, the mood shifting, but not exactly in a good way.

 

Emma nodded, even though she knew Regina was not looking at her, and went about cutting the apple into thin slices. She piled them up in a neat pile and then got out the brown sugar and cinnamon, working with the sound of rock music playing at a low volume in the background. Although Regina did not speak to her, she could feel her watching her, or maybe just looking her way. Sometimes when she was thinking of something that wouldn’t leave her mind, she got quiet and little wrinkles creased her brow, and she stared at nothing.

 

It was a few minutes like that before Regina sighed and looked down at her coffee and traced the rim with the tip of her finger. Emma glanced up and looked at her, wondered how she had so easily lost that brightness that had been in her eyes when she entered the kitchen. Had she been too sensitive to Regina’s reaction to Emma making her breakfast and wanting to do things for her? Had her response been the reason Regina’s mood so quickly shifted?

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Emma said. If she had caused this, she wanted to just go ahead and undo it. It was one of those things she was working on, not letting things sit too long, not letting bad things just get worse and worse until she didn’t know how to handle them – and Regina had been working on it, too, at least with Emma. Archie said it was very healthy for their friendship when she shared that with him, and Emma hoped he was right. “I just...” Emma sighed and licked her lips, making sure she had Regina’s attention before looking away. “I like doing things for you. You do things for me all the time, and I don’t know. I appreciate it. I want to reciprocate or whatever.”

 

“You want to reciprocate or whatever,” Regina repeated.

 

Emma rolled her eyes and picked up an apple slice and threw it at Regina. “I’m trying to explain my feelings, don’t pick apart what I said and get on me about my wording.”

 

Regina held her hands up defensively, giving Emma a half-smile. “I apologize. That was insensitive of me. Continue.”

 

Emma reached over and took back the apple she threw and popped it in her mouth, chewing it slowly. “Archie would be really proud of that, you apologizing and acknowledging you were a little insensitive.”

 

Regina scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t do it for him. I did it for you.”

 

Emma smiled and reached for her coffee mug. “I know. I’m proud of you, too.”

 

Regina ducked her head, and Emma swore she was blushing. Emma grinned into her coffee and took a few healthy mouthfuls.

 

“You were saying?” Regina said, gesturing with her hand for Emma to go on.

 

Emma placed her mug down and brushed her hands on her shirt, only to have them come back with flour on them. She sighed and reached for the dish towel and cleaned her hands on that.

 

“And why is there flour all over your clothes? There’s no flour needed for anything I’ve seen you working on.”

 

Emma chuckled as she looked down at herself. “I might have been, uh, dancing a bit when I took it down to reach something behind it. And, well, I might have accidentally spilled some. But it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t even properly closed.”

 

Regina covered her mouth with her cupped hand, but the laughter she was holding in couldn’t be kept hidden in her eyes. Emma’s cheeks warmed, but she found herself laughing at herself and unable to look away as the sparkle reclaimed Regina’s eyes and made them shine. Regina didn’t look away either, and soon she moved her hand to reveal a warm smile that wasn’t a Henry smile but was still worthy of the heart lurch in her chest.

 

“I want to give back to you,” Emma said, her laughter falling from her words, her tone becoming serious. “I can’t even list all that you’ve done for me because it would take so long, and I just want to do the same for you. Okay? That’s it. You make me dinner all the time, and tea, and hot chocolate, and _coffee,_ too. So this is something I thought you would be okay with, something small.”

 

Watching Regina take in her words was an experience, a wild one. There was surprise and intrigue and questioning and understanding and then more surprise, and then finally something like appreciation, maybe, that Regina decided to hold on to as she nodded her head.

 

“Nobody has ever made me breakfast before,” Regina admitted, almost casual in the way she said it. Of course her eyes, always expressive and like Emma’s little cheat sheet to Regina’s emotions, gave away how much the gesture meant to her.

 

Emma grinned broadly. “I’m happy to be the first, and maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll do it more often.”

 

Regina didn’t hold in her slight chuckle this time as she shook her head and then rested it on a balled fist. “If I’m lucky?”

 

“Hell yeah. I make the best breakfast – not including yours, of course.”

 

“Of course,” Regina repeated, voice a little husky as she continued to look at Emma, a little wonderment in her eyes, just as it had been when she first entered the kitchen.

 

Emma wanted to know what she was thinking, but she figured it didn’t really matter all that much. It was a look she liked on Regina, and the reason for it didn’t change anything.

 

“I don’t believe in luck,” Regina admitted, shrugging her shoulder, her lips still holding a gentle smile.

 

Emma raised her eyebrow and gave Regina a dubious look. “You, Regina Mills, don’t believe in luck?”

 

She shook her head, very certain of the fact. “Do you?”

 

Emma ducked her head and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I feel pretty damn lucky these days here with you and Henry. So, yeah.” She flicked her eyes up to meet Regina’s. “Sometimes. Sometimes I believe in luck. I don’t think this was all fate or whatever. Some of it, the good, is just me getting lucky.”

 

Regina smiled and looked at Emma, thoughtful, quiet. And then, she nodded. “Whatever it was that brought us together, I am more grateful for it than words could express,” she said softly, and then she brought her coffee up to her mouth for a drink without another word.

 

And all Emma could do was watch her, feeling her heart do that _thing_ again, not even sure what had caused it this time.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Don’t forget to thank your mother for breakfast,” Regina whispered behind Henry as she passed him later in the morning, breakfast eaten, dishes and cleaning now being taken care of by her and Henry as Emma munched on the pieces of bacon that hadn’t been claimed by anyone else.

 

“Mom, you raised me. I know my manners,” he whispered back as he filled up the dish washer.

 

“What are you two over there whispering about? Better not be about me,” Emma said with an audible smile.

 

Regina and Henry shared their own smiles, and Regina tilted her head towards Emma and signaled for him to go thank her. He was correct about being well-mannered, but he had also been too busy trying to fill his stomach with as much food as he possibly could to use those manners she had taught him. She blamed Emma. She wasn’t sure if it was for her genes and the bottomless pit for a stomach she had clearly given to Henry, for turning eating breakfast into a race, or making a delicious meal for them that made even Regina want to indulge a little. Whatever the reason, surely Emma was to blame for Henry’s slip – but she was also the reason for the smiles that had been on everyone’s face during breakfast.

 

Regina finished wiping down the counter and turned around to see Henry hugging Emma. His face was away from hers, but she could see Emma’s, the bit of surprise she still displayed sometimes when someone was hugging her, the pleased look in her eyes, and the happiness in her smile as she gave Henry a little squeeze. Regina leaned back against the counter and smiled, looking at the two of them, mother and son. A few years ago, seeing the two of them share an embrace like this would have filled her with jealousy and rage. But looking at them now, Regina felt nothing but warmth inside of her as she smiled.

 

Emma flicked her eyes up and looked at Regina, and Regina looked back into her eyes without relaxing the smile that had taken over her face. It made Emma’s smile grow, and Regina couldn’t resist doing things that made that happen.

 

Emma turned her head into Henry’s and whispered something Regina could not hear, something that made Henry look over his shoulder at Regina before turning back to grin at Emma. Regina raised her eyebrow to question Emma, but Emma only pushed Henry towards Regina. And then suddenly, Regina was wrapped up in the warmest of hugs, her son, too tall with Regina on her bare feet, hugging her just like he did when he was younger and he couldn’t get enough hugs from her. It took her back to his earlier years, but only for a brief second, because he was hugging her like that now and she didn’t want to miss out on a second of it.

 

Hugging Henry back tightly, her eyes moved over to Emma, a question in them. Emma shrugged and winked at her, and then went back to eating her bacon. Regina felt overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that were twisting inside her, that had been doing so ever since she stepped foot in the kitchen earlier. So instead of questioning again, she held her son close to her and closed her eyes, aware that Emma’s eyes were on both of them and she was smiling just as Regina had been.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

By the time 3:30 came around, Emma’s morning buzz had completely faded. She’d walked around half of Storybrooke, by herself, on a search for magic and anything weird that just didn’t feel right. And although there was plenty of weird to be found in a town that had real life Disney characters living in it, there was nothing threatening or dangerous about any of them – at least nothing new that they didn’t already know about. It was hot, she was tired, and Regina had made her walk around town instead of driving because it would be easier to sense magic around her if she weren’t also focused on driving.

 

Before leaving the house, they had tested out Emma’s ability to sense magic. Even with her own still out of reach, she had been able to feel Regina’s in the air immediately. The harder Emma had tried to reach out for Regina’s magic, the more she had been able to feel it, until she felt like she was engulfed by it. It was different from feeling her own. She had no control over what she felt when she reached out and felt Regina’s magic twisting around her, only the choice to close herself off to it or feel it. Even after she had confirmed that she could sense magic being done around her, or even just magic itself being near, Emma had chose to keep the connection open.

 

It was not the first time she had been able to sense Regina’s magic, of course, but it was the first time she had consciously chosen to explore it. Magic was unique from person to person, Emma had found. Just as there were visible colors associated with it, there were scents and feelings, kind of like textures, and there was something incredibly inviting about Regina’s magic. Emma could feel it wrapping around her like silk, smooth and soft, but warm. It smelt like spices, a little like cinnamon, and a little sweet. Emma had imagined herself dipping into a pool of it, imagined it being something she could physically touch. And then the feeling had grown stronger, Regina’s magic feeling as though it was seeping into her, filling her, and Emma had felt almost drunk with it. But before it could become too much, Regina stopped whatever she had been doing and said they should get going.

 

Nothing Emma had sensed had been anywhere near as powerful as Regina’s magic had felt, and none of it called to Emma like Regina’s did. It was all rather underwhelming, honestly, and boring. There were no portals, no hidden magical beings, and no explanation for why the beasts had appeared randomly. Emma was tired of unexplained crap happening, and she had hoped they would have some type of answers for why it had been so difficult to even consider traveling to another realm before but now it seemed like portals were opening up all over the place. It was the fourth in just as many months, and Emma wanted it to be the last.

 

When Emma made it back to the town’s center, she went into Granny’s and decided that the two hours she had put into her search deserved something sweet. She was just about to order herself a milkshake to go when someone slid up behind her and a familiar scent immediately filled her nose. Coconut.

 

“Did you wash your hair again this morning?” she asked in lieu of a greeting, turning her head and finding confused eyes watching her.

 

“I was hoping you would have news to tell me about the town,” Regina said, giving Emma an odd look.

 

Emma sighed and shook her head, her shoulders drooping. “Nothing. You?” Regina shook her head in the negative. “Want something?”

 

Regina shook her head once again, moving her fingers through her hair. “There’s one more place we need to check. Zelena offered to go with me, but I thought you might want to come in her place.”

 

Emma heard the dash of hope in Regina’s tone and nodded easily. “Yeah. I’m in. But I need sugar first.”

 

Regina’s lips curved with amusement. “You’ll be driving, so choose wisely.”

 

Emma raised her eyebrow. “Driving? Where are we going?”

 

“The town line.”

 

“I checked there already, and all along the border in that area.”

 

“On the other end of Storybrooke,” Regina clarified.

 

“That’s like an hour away, and basically in the middle of nowhere,” Emma said, complained, sorta wishing she had asked for details before agreeing.

 

Regina patted Emma’s arm as she said, “That’s why we’re not traveling by foot. Imagine how long it would take if we did that.”

 

Emma frowned.

 

Regina twisted her hands together as she started stepping away. “If you don’t want to go, you have a key. You can go back to the house.”

 

And even though Regina was giving her an out, Emma knew she didn’t want her to take it. Emma wouldn’t, not because Regina didn’t want her to, but because a few hours away from the rest of the town didn’t sound like a bad idea. Plus, she liked getting behind the wheel and being able to get away.

 

“Let me just order a milkshake and I’ll be ready.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina knew she needed to be paying closer attention to what they passed. With the majority of Emma’s focus going to the  driving, Regina was responsible for checking for an unfamiliar aura. While she was not blocking out any incoming waves of magical energy they might find as they traveled along the empty road, Regina was also focused on something else entirely. She had explained to Emma that she needed to keep her mind as open and clear as possible, but there she was getting lost in thoughts.

 

Her self-discipline seemed to falter whenever she was beside Emma, it would seem, for it was moments like this very one where Regina forgot herself and let her mind get away from her. The low hum coming from Emma’s throat as she listened to music from her phone was calming, she admitted, as was the feeling of driving down a smooth road with a companion who did not require anything from her or feel obligated to fill the silence with words. It was easy to let her mind wander. It was easy because, Regina knew, she was comfortable and content at the moment.

 

Her thoughts were varied, and none of them lasted longer than a few seconds. Mostly she was filling her brain with images of the woman who sat beside her, just so she didn’t end up staring at Emma with some type of hopeless look in her eyes like she must have done in the kitchen that morning. Emma looked at her too carefully, too long, and Regina was concerned that sometimes she revealed more than she wished to.

 

“...down here,” she heard Emma say.

 

Regina turned her head from the window and looked at Emma instead, blonde hair in a ponytail and leaving her jawline on full display. Regina’s eyes traced it the way she wished she could with her fingers, or maybe her mouth. Emma rolled her shoulder and then her head, and the sun shone directly onto Emma’s face, bathing it in its glow. Emma hummed a pleased sound, and Regina licked her lips and felt heat prickle the back of her neck. (Definitely her mouth.)

 

She cleared her throat and looked away. She shook her head and took a deep breath, held it for a long moment, and then released. “I beg your pardon.”

 

Emma pointed up ahead with her finger. “I said I’ve never actually been down here. Nobody really comes out this way.”

 

Regina knew this, of course. Storybrooke was a lot larger than many knew, and this end of the town, while being mostly woods, was actually one of Regina’s favorite parts. It reminded her of the parts of the Enchanted Forest she actually looked back on with fondness. The scent in the air, the tall trees, and all of the space reminded her of the only time she had tasted true freedom back then. It reminded her of horseback riding and feeling as though there was a possibility she could fly away. She had hoped and wished so many times for a way out, though, and she had never received one.

 

“Before I got Henry, I would drive out here once a week or so. About a mile to the left, if you follow the gravel path, there’s a river that very few are aware exists.”

 

Regina could already see the wheels turning in Emma’s head as she looked at her from the corner of her eye, and then a slight smirk made an appearance on her mouth that instantly piqued Regina’s interest. “Wanna go?” Emma asked, pulling over into dirt in front of the town line.

 

“Now?” Regina asked, a bit skeptically.

 

Emma cut the engine and nodded her head, turning in her seat so she was looking fully at Regina. “Yeah. Why not?”

 

“Well, for one–”

 

“That was a rhetorical question.” Emma nodded her head out towards the trail Regina had told her about. “We’re already here, and we need to look around anyway. Come on. Whatever’s so important back there will still be there when we return.”

 

Emma had a way of looking at her with so much hope that saying no was nearly impossible. How could anyone be all right with making the bright look on Emma’s face disappear? As someone who had done that very thing more times than she cared to remember, she knew that it was not an option.

 

“There’s no cell phone reception out here,” she said, not an excuse but a fact.

 

Emma reached down for her phone and checked, making Regina roll her eyes as she moved it around and lifted it in the air to make sure of something Regina already knew as true. They had lost service ten minutes back. “Hmmm,” Emma hummed thoughtfully, squinting at her phone. “Guess you’re right.”

 

“No,” Regina dragged out with double the amount of sarcasm that was needed.

 

Emma tucked her phone away in her pocket and opened her car door as she started speaking, making Regina do the same so she could continue hearing what Emma was saying to her. “Henry’s with my parents. He’ll be fine. If you think they’ll be worried about us not showing up at a certain time, I’m sure there are some, uh, birds around here.” Emma grinned over the roof of the car after slamming the door shut. “Send Snow a message,” she said, her eyes full of teasing laughter.

 

Regina left her with her amusement and took care of it her own way, transporting herself to the loft and then back before Emma had even stopped grinning to herself. Oh, how easily Emma could amuse herself. Regina shook her head and a fond smile slipped onto her own face in response.

 

They walked around at first, taking one side of the road to themselves as they took care of the reason they had traveled down to the opposite end of town. There was nothing to be found, as they had both expected, but it did ease some of the worry she had been feeling after Emma spent the night listing all the possibilities of what could be lurking around their town without them knowing. Regina just hoped that it was also enough for Emma. Because as serious as Regina knew Emma to be when she said she wanted to be around to protect Regina and Henry from the possible dangers in town, Regina knew Emma worried whenever there was a risk that she would lose part of her family, and having that unknown meant having to look over her shoulder all the time, which didn’t sit well with her. Being able to take this information back to Storybrooke’s citizens would decrease the panic and chatter around town, but it was decreasing Emma’s stress and worry that mattered to Regina.

 

“You ready?” Emma asked after she retrieved two water bottles from the car and swaggered over to Regina, her confidence appearing with every step she took, every flex of her biceps as she moved her arms.

 

Regina nodded in response, moistening her lips as she shielded her eyes from the sun and at least tried to act as though she wasn’t letting her eyes take a slow journey across Emma’s body. It was the tank top, the cotton material clinging to her so well that Regina could easily make out every curve underneath, every dip.

 

“Water?” Emma offered, holding out one of the bottles as she started walking away.

 

Regina followed, taking one of the bottles from Emma’s hand. “Thanks.”

 

And then for a long while they were silent. Emma would walk ahead and snap pictures – to remember later, Regina knew without needing to ask. She didn’t have many photos from her childhood, hadn’t stayed with any one family long enough to earn them, she once told Regina. It was that conversation that Regina often thought about when she wanted to capture a picture of Henry, the reason why her new phone was full of almost as many photos of Emma as there were of their son. She didn’t want Emma to think she had to earn anything with her. She was part of their family, and Regina wanted to have the memories to look back on as well.

 

When she finished with her pictures, she would slip her phone into her pocket and wait, hands on her hips, head turned up to the sky, the sun peeking through the tops of the trees and caressing the edges of her face with its light. Regina took her time getting to Emma, enjoying watching Emma enjoy the outdoors, the scenery around them familiar and going completely unnoticed.

 

“What are you doing?” Regina asked when they were near the river, having wondered what Emma was up to since she started collecting rocks at the beginning of their walk.

 

Emma’s shirt was folded up to her breasts, her makeshift basket exposing her firm stomach – which Regina was _not_ allowed to look at, even if the idea of spending all of their time greedily absorbing as much of Emma as she could did sound tempting. There was a line she needed to draw, and even though she had yet to draw that line, she knew gawking like she had never seen a woman’s body before was both beneath her and on the wrong side of the figurative line.

 

Emma held out the rock she’d just picked up, smooth and around the size of a quarter. She flipped it around in her hand as she answered, “Skipping stones,” and then rushed off before Regina could say anything more.

 

Regina could hear the sound of the river, that rush of water over rocks, and Emma was heading towards it in a near-jog, holding her stones in her shirt and moving with a childlike glee. Regina pulled her phone from her pocket and, after hurrying to get the device unlocked, pulled up the camera and recorded Emma from behind, a smile on her face as she did so. _To remember_.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Listen, you get excited about apples being ready to be picked – _apples._ You lost your right to judge me.”

 

Regina laughed as she sat down on a large trunk that had conveniently fallen just a few feet from the river at some point in the past. “I’m not judging you,” she swore. “I actually found your excitement...”

 

Emma raised an eyebrow when Regina trailed off, biting the corner of her lip. “What? Say it.”

 

Regina flicked her eyes up, the sun playing in the rich brown and making them almost golden. Regina looked at Emma as if contemplating whether or not she should answer, and then a slow smile started to curve her lips. “Endearing,” she said softly, almost a husky whisper. “I found your excitement endearing.”

 

Emma stared silently back at Regina for a long moment, not saying anything even as she felt the warmth creeping up her neck and cheeks. She couldn’t explain it, but there was _something_ about the look in Regina’s eyes that just made her feel _fluttery._ But her silence made the look disappear, and not even seconds later Regina was clearing her throat and brushing down her pants as she avoided Emma’s gaze.

 

Emma twisted her lips in thought, wanting to say something but unsure of what she should say.

 

“What did you used to do when you came out here?” she asked after flipping through a few suggestions in her head. She walked over to the tree trunk and plopped down beside Regina, knocking one of the brunette’s knees with her own. “Huh?”

 

Regina tilted her head to the right a little and looked at Emma out the corner of her eye. Emma grinned openly, waiting. Regina turned back to the river, a deep look on her face that made the small lines at the corners of her eyes deepen. In front of her, her hands were balled together, her fingers tight.

 

Emma reached over without thinking and placed her hand on Regina’s arm, getting her attention, pulling her away from wherever her thoughts were trying to drag her away to. Regina’s eyes closed at the contact, and Emma thought that maybe it was unwanted and was going to move away. But then Regina sorta leaned into her and sighed, and Emma wanted to make her do that again, make her sigh in that soft, soft way she did every so often that made her sound contented.

 

“Maybe something else. Tell me whatever,” she said softly.

 

Regina made a small noise in her throat, like a chuckle was caught in there. “Believe it or not, I think you know all the important aspects of my life already.”

 

Emma shrugged and moved her hand from one of Regina’s shoulders to the other, her hand gliding across the soft material. She didn’t think of herself as much of a touchy feely person – but that changed when she was around Regina, changed because Regina didn’t flinch when Emma touched her, didn’t pull away, changed because Regina relaxed underneath her hand, and Emma liked that.

 

“Tell me something unimportant, then.”

 

Regina turned her head slightly, brow raising questioningly, but the rest of her face relaxed. “Why?”

 

Confused by the one-worded question, Emma didn’t respond vocally. Her brows knitted together, though, and she frowned.

 

“Why do you want to know?” Regina asked, this time softer, not like she didn’t want to share, but like she truly didn’t understand why Emma wanted to know.

 

Five months, Emma thought. For five months she had been around Regina almost all of her free time, and she still didn’t understand that Emma wanted to know her, wanted to know _everything_ about her. She knew Regina wasn’t used to people asking her about herself, wanting to know about her, but after all this time Emma thought it should be obvious that Emma did. It upset her that she didn’t, upset her that so many people had overlooked Regina that she didn’t even understand someone wanting to get to know her, _wanting_ her.

 

Emma didn’t let the frustration show, because it was not meant for Regina. Her frustration was for everyone who made her feel this way – which might have included herself at one point, but not now. Instead, she took her hand from Regina’s shoulder and moved over, their shoulders touching as she looked off toward the river.

 

“We talk about Henry all the time, and you’ve told me about your time as the queen - -” she said, purposely leaving the word evil out of it, “- - but what about before Henry? Or even recently. But about _you_ and not him. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing about him–”

 

“But you want to hear about me,” Regina said, her voice barely above a whisper, astonished, confused, uncertain.

 

Emma turned to look at her, smiling. She put her hand over Regina’s tightly balled ones and squeezed them. “I want to know you. I want to know Regina the person, more than just who you were before, more than Henry’s mother...”

 

Regina’s hands slowly started to relax beneath Emma’s. She looked down at their hands, and there was a fight in her eyes, one Emma had seen many times but still didn’t understand.

 

“You know a lot about me already,” Regina said, and there was a slight edge to her voice that Emma wasn’t expecting.

 

“Call me greedy. I want more,” she said lightly, not bothered by the edge in Regina’s voice.

 

Her walls were trying to go up, Emma understood that, but Regina hadn’t pulled away or moved from beside her, so Emma wasn’t concerned about that. It was a habit Regina wouldn’t get rid of overnight, and Emma knew what that was like.

 

“There are parts of you that I know you keep hidden,” Emma said softly, no longer looking at Regina but at their hands, just like Regina was doing. “And maybe I do that, too. But, I don’t know, maybe we could stop that. Slowly. I have some scary dark places in me that I don’t let anybody else see, too, you know. But... If you want to see them, I’ll let you in.”

 

“You’ll let me in?” Regina said, and Emma could feel her turning to look at her.

 

Emma squeezed Regina’s hands. “I’ll let you in,” she repeated.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day three is finally ready! (let's ignore that we're a few hours away from day five.)
> 
> Happy reading!

**insecurities**

 

There had been a time that it was easy for Regina to brush away guilt, to ignore it completely. Unfortunately for her, she had developed a soft spot for Emma over the last few years, and brush past the guilt she was feeling for what she had done she could not do. Already two hours after Emma had dropped Regina and Henry off at the house, making up an excuse about needing to go pick up something, an excuse that she hadn’t needed to use because Regina knew it was a lie, Regina had thought that she should at least be able to think about something other than the rejected look in Emma’s eyes. But very little had crossed her mind since they left the woods.

 

Regina roughly pulled off her rubber gloves and stacked them atop of each other on the side of her tub. Her shoulders sunk lower as she settled with her butt on her feet, one hand on her lap as the other raised to her face, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Vigorously scrubbed until her biceps ached with her effort, her bathtub sparkled with its cleanliness, perfectly pristine – the same could not be said about her conscience.  

 

Regina had wanted to be angry with Emma, _had_ been angry with Emma. Her first instinct had been to blame someone, and that someone had been the woman who had just tried to pull Regina closer, had made Regina feel wanted. What it was she blamed Emma for was unclear, but Regina had started feeling vulnerable, and that vulnerability had made her want to close herself off as quickly as possible, and it was Emma who made her feel that way.

 

But that anger only lasted for a moment, not even long enough for her to latch onto it. Emma hadn’t done anything to deserve Regina’s anger, hadn’t done anything to deserve being pushed out after all this time. Emma had only wanted more of Regina, and as much as that confused her, made her question all the things she thought she understood, it didn’t deserve Regina’s reaction.

 

Everything had started to feel like it was closing in on her, like she was surrounded by walls that inched closer and closer, diminishing the space around her as she frantically tried to find a way to stop them, to knock them down, to escape. Emma was offering more of herself to Regina, and in return, all she had wanted was to know more about Regina – but it had felt like too much, felt like something she wanted so badly that she knew she shouldn’t have it. The silence as Emma waited for a response had been deafening in a way silence should never be, and Regina hadn’t known what to say, hadn’t known what to do. She was normally quick on her feet and able to think straight, but Emma Swan had the power to do what no other could, could make Regina speechless.

 

_Emma’s thumb slowly rolled over her knuckles, up and down, gently stroking Regina’s skin. It was meant to be calming, she thought, and at any other time it would have been. But calming it was not, not when Regina’s heart was pounding in her chest, her thoughts were racing, and every voice in her head was telling her that what Emma had just asked of her, and offered in returned, would only lead to something terrible in the end._

 

_Every slow drag of Emma’s thumb brought another scenario to Regina’s mind – Emma finding out something about Regina that made her realize she’d made a mistake by wanting to get closer to her; Regina falling even more deeply in love with a woman she would never have in the way her heart wanted; and even worse than that, nothing going wrong, the two of them only becoming happier with each other, until one day it was all taken away from them, until everyone was hurt instead of it just being Regina._

 

_Regina pulled her hands away from Emma and stood up, wringing them together in front of her as she tried to meet Emma’s eyes but found herself unable to do so. She needed space, needed more air than she could find next to Emma. “I think we should head back,” she said, facing the trail they had taken instead of looking at Emma._

 

_“What?” Emma asked, a twig crunching beneath her shoe signaling that she was now up on her feet and moving. “Hey,” Emma said softly, putting her hand on Regina’s upper arm, squeezing it. Regina did not remember when Emma started doing that, touching Regina to gain her attention when Regina was shutting down or pulling away, but it was something she had come to expect.“What just happened? What’s wrong? Talk to me.”_

 

_Talk to her? Regina could not put any of what she was feeling into words. She didn’t want Emma to know that she was scared of ultimately losing her after letting her in more than she already had. She didn’t want Emma to know how much she wanted what Emma was offering, nor did she want to explain why she thought she shouldn’t have it. She didn’t want Emma to know how vulnerable she made her feel, how she had touched Regina in a way that frightened her. She didn’t want Emma to see her weaknesses – and she didn’t want her to think she was weak._

 

_“Regina,” Emma tried again, patient, always too patient with Regina. She was patient in a way Regina did not deserve, especially at that moment. She gave Regina’s arm another squeeze._

 

_Emma’s touch burned right through her clothing, seared her skin, and Regina pulled away from her. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Emma taking a step back, see her looking down at her hands, scowling at them, and Regina bit her cheek and forced herself not to reach out and pull Emma’s hand back to her and apologize._

 

_Regina’s fingers ached as she squeezed them around each other, the need to do something with her hands overwhelming. “The sun is going to start setting soon, and if we don’t start heading back now, we’ll have to make our way out of here in the dark,” Regina told Emma in a slow, precise way._

 

_“Yeah,” Emma said quietly, distant._

 

_Regina heard the sadness that crept into Emma’s voice and, despite telling herself not to, turned her head to look at Emma. What she saw made her heart ache, made her feel as though it was burning inside of her chest, causing a pain that would not ease anytime soon. Emma was staring at the lake. She looked confused, lost, hurt, and like someone had just taken away her most valued possession. The easy joy that had been present before had been completely washed away, and now she just looked rejected and like she didn’t understand why – and Regina had done that._

 

_Her throat suddenly felt tight, too many words trying to fight their way out to undo what she had just done. But even as she opened her mouth to try to let some of them free, she found herself unable to do any more than look into Emma’s sad eyes and burn the image into her brain. She would remember it, remember the hurt she had caused, and she wouldn’t be able to forget._

 

_Emma turned to look at Regina, but she didn’t say anything to her. It was almost as though she was looking right through her. She sighed and nodded her head and then started walking, leading them back to the car in complete silence._

 

Angry with Emma Regina could not be, for it was she who deserved all the anger that was never too far out of reach for her. Regina had messed up, and the voice in her head could try to justify her pulling away as much as it wanted to, but Regina knew she had hurt Emma and that was unforgivable. They had spent months building something between them that was full of understanding and trust and genuine care, and Regina knew she had damaged that. Emma had reached out, and Regina hadn’t done the same.

 

She was supposed to be Emma’s safe place, but how could she be that after the way Emma had looked at her earlier?

 

The sound of a throat clearing behind her, hesitant and low, caught Regina’s attention, and a small, small burst of hope made her believe that it was Emma, just for a second. But she knew not to hope, especially not for what she did not deserve. Emma was hurting, and it was because of her – she would remind herself of this until it was no longer true, and perhaps beyond that.

 

“Do you know where Emma is? I thought she might be in her room, but the door’s open and she’s not in there?” her son asked.

 

Regina wanted to sigh in response to the question, but she forced a smile onto her face and shook her head as she looked over her shoulder. “Have you tried calling her? I don’t think Emma will be spending the night here with us tonight,” she said regretfully.

 

Henry gave her a confused look. “Ma got here almost an hour ago. I saw her parking the car. I just thought she might have wanted some time by herself - -” he said as he looked around the bathroom at all her cleaning supplies, “- - and was giving it to her.”

 

Regina’s brow furrowed. Emma was there? She hadn’t heard her, nor had she seen her when she was cleaning in the kitchen.

 

“Are you sure? Perhaps she came to pick something up and then left.”

 

“Nu-uh. I checked. Car’s still here.” Henry shuffled on his feet awkwardly. “Is everything okay?”

 

“With Emma?”

 

He started to roll his eyes, but he quickly corrected himself and shook his head from side to side instead. “With you. You spent twenty minutes cleaning a clean tub,” he pointed out, a look of worry crossing his face.

 

Regina picked herself up from the side of the tub and walked over to him. “I needed to work through some frustration,” she told him honestly, “but it is nothing that you need to worry about.” She put her hands on his shoulders, and he bent his knees just enough so that she could kiss the top of his head like she used to when he was younger – and shorter.

 

“Because of Emma?” he asked. “Is that what was wrong with her earlier?”

 

The guilt and regret that she had been feeling swirled viciously inside of her, and she hid her frown as she pulled Henry into a hug. He didn’t hesitate wrapping his arms around her, let Regina hug him for as long as she needed to.

 

“I was frustrated with myself, not your mother. I reacted poorly, and I...” she trailed off with a soft breath as she squeezed him a little tighter, pulling strength from his embrace. She slowly stepped back and he smiled at her, understanding what she had not said.

 

“You’ll fix this,” he said with all the confidence of a person who truly believed in her.

 

Regina could not help but smile at him in response. He was so sure of her, so certain. “You don’t even know what I did. You–”

 

Henry gave her this look that said he understood exactly what had happened as he cut her off. “I don’t know details, but I know what’s important. You’re upset with yourself, and Emma looked sad. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last time.”

 

“Henry,” she started saying slowly, but her son continued on.

 

“You and Ma sometimes hurt each other without meaning to. Sometimes Emma says things without thinking, and you do things after thinking too much, and feelings get hurt. But you two always work it out.”

 

Regina wanted to tell him that sometimes there was no working it out, sometimes damage was irreversible. But she knew he knew that already and was just trying to help. So she listened to what her son had to say, once more astonished by his wisdom and insight and proud of the person he was.

 

“One argument or disagreement, or whatever it was that happened, isn’t going to undo everything. You saw Emma this morning? Have you ever seen her that happy before? Do you think she wouldn’t give you another chance if you tried to fix things?”

 

“It might not be that simple,” Regina said reluctantly.

 

Henry nodded in agreement. “But what worth the effort ever is?”

 

Regina’s eyes widened a little in surprise. “When did you grow up so much? And how do I make it stop?”

 

He laughed, and for a moment she saw Emma in him as he shrugged his shoulders and his lips moved into a cocky grin. “I know you think I’m just a kid and I need to stay in a child’s place – which usually means out of the way – but I know a thing or two.”

 

Regina placed her hands on Henry’s cheeks and smiled lovingly at him. “It isn’t that I want you to stay out of the way, Henry. I want you to enjoy the rest of your childhood. You’re an adult for a lot longer than you are a child, and I don’t want you to look back at this part of your life with regrets.”

 

“Mom,” he said, taking her hands from his face and holding them in his. “I’ve got two awesome moms who both try their hardest to make life safe for me, who make it fun, and who love me more than anything in the world. Trust me, I’m not going to look back at any of this with regret. I love you guys, and even when everything is crazy around here, I still enjoy it.”

 

Regina’s heart felt warm and full in her chest, and her emotions were building up quickly, making her eyes sting a little at the edges. “Come here,” she said, her voice thickened as she took her hands from his so she could pull him into a hug. “You are an incredible, incredible person, Henry.”

 

“Mom,” he whined, but he hugged her back and didn’t pull away even as the seconds started piling up.

 

“I love you, and I am immensely grateful that I get to be in your life to watch you grow into the man you will become.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

It was a breezy night, and Emma was regretting not grabbing the sweatshirt from the backseat of her car before she left it. It had been a nice day for Maine, hot and sunny, but the cool air just wouldn’t leave Storybrooke – or Emma – alone. Her racerback tank top provided no warmth, and while that might have been the point when she put it on, Emma hadn’t planned on sitting outside for an hour with the chilly air blowing around her. Of course, Emma knew there was an easy solution right next to her, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up and ring the doorbell so Regina would let her into the house.

 

She had a key, and she hadn’t needed anyone to let her in for months.

 

She had a key to let herself in whenever she wanted, any time of day.

 

Emma Swan had a key to 108 Mifflin, but she did not feel as though she should use it.

 

The key was warm in her fist, and it had been there since she took it off her keyring after walking up to the door and feeling a weird feeling in her stomach when she went to unlock the door. As strange as it might have sounded to those who knew only of the animosity they had once felt towards each other, Emma and Regina had not had a serious argument since Emma started staying with her and Henry. There had been moments where they got pissed off with each other, disagreed, but never anything that had left them not talking to one another. Emma had never felt so unsure about where she stood with Regina, and that was why she couldn’t let herself into the house. The possibility that Regina did not want her there was enough to keep her from trying.

 

She had thought that she was feeling better after her trip to the library. It was where she went when she didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. She would bring Belle a smoothie, a combination of flavors that only a pregnant woman could possibly find satisfying, and she would give her a new book she found that she thought Emma would like. Emma hadn’t felt like reading during this visit, but she had taken the book and brought it with her for later. Instead, she had mentally worked through what had happened at the river and what she was feeling. Archie would have suggested she write it down, but putting down what she felt on paper still felt like too much. Once it was written, she couldn’t take it back. And a lot of what she was feeling after a while were things she knew she wouldn’t have wanted to put out there, knew she didn’t mean.

 

What was true was that Emma was hurt and mad, and she was not confident she actually knew if she was mad at herself or Regina, or neither of them at all. Feeling her emotions she was good at, but interpreting them, making sense of them, she still felt like she needed to work on. She was too used to ignoring them and putting others before her own, and because of that, Emma wasn’t the best at working through how she felt. But she was at least acknowledging that now, and that was more than she could have said in the beginning of the year.

 

Emma heard the lock in the door and turned her head to look towards it. The light hadn’t been turned on, so it surprised her a little. What surprised her even more was Henry slowly stepping out of the house and closing the door carefully behind him.

 

“Using the front door to sneak out of the house? Really, Henry?” she said, making him turn and grin at her. “What are you doing? And where is your sweater? It’s cold out here.”

 

Henry gave her a strange look as he walked over to her and sat down with his back against the second column, his feet meeting Emma’s in the middle. “Mom knows I’m out here,” he said casually, pulling his phone out and unlocking it.

 

Emma glanced over at the door and then Henry. Something was up, but she didn’t know what. “Does she also know you’re out here without a sweater?”

 

Henry shrugged his shoulders. “She didn’t say anything about it,” he answered, and then he looked up at her with a quizzical expression on his face. “But _you_ did – which is weird.”

 

“I can be motherly, too,” she said, offended, her emotions too raw to take that comment lightly.

 

He grinned and nodded, going back to his phone. “I know,” he told her simply.

 

Emma sighed and leaned her head back against the column, her long legs crossing at the ankles. She watched him curiously, expecting him to say or do something – but when he just continued playing on his phone, she relaxed and accepted his silent company for what it was.

 

For a long while, they sat like that, the only sound around them coming from his phone and the bugs. And then Emma’s own phone buzzed in her pocket, unexpected and surprising since she was sure it would have died by now. She was surprised she didn’t have ten missed calls waiting for her just from her mother asking why she didn’t come up when they picked Henry up from the apartment earlier.

 

Emma went to unlock her phone, had her thumb hovering above the screen and everything. But instead of unlocking it and checking her notifications, she found herself staring at the picture on her lockscreen.

 

After Henry’s last day of eighth grade, Emma had shown up at Regina’s office and told her she needed to come with her somewhere and that it would be best if she canceled any meetings she might have had. Regina’s first worry was Henry, and then Robyn and Baby Neal. But once Emma assured her all of the kids were all right, as were the rest of their family members, Regina had tried to get rid of Emma with the excuse of needing to work through a stack of folders that had been sitting at the top of her desk. Of course, Emma hadn’t given up, and, eventually, Emma called in her secret weapon and Henry helped her get Regina out of the office for the afternoon.

 

They’d gone down to the beach, where Snow had been waiting for them with a few of Henry’s friends already out in the water. As the time passed, more people joined and they had an impromptu family party going on. They stayed out there until it was dark and everybody had been in the water at least once – some more than others, and one in particular a little reluctant – and then drove to their separate homes, Emma joining Henry and Regina. The picture she used for her lockscreen had been from that day, Henry dripping wet in between her and Regina, him grinning widely at the camera, Regina smiling at him, and Emma looking at both of them. Snow had wanted to retake the picture, but Emma thought it was perfect, and she hadn’t changed her lockscreen since that day.

 

Looking at the picture always made her smile. They were her family, and anyone could see how proud she was to have them from the look on her face in the picture. Looking at it now made her chest feel tight with how uncertain everything felt. She knew a lot of it was just her brain making her think the worst, but the way Regina had pulled away from her earlier had been so unexpected and unusual that Emma wasn’t sure what it meant.

 

Her phone vibrated and buzzed again, and Henry’s name popped up with a second unread message. She flicked her eyes up to him, but he was looking at his phone and not her.

 

When she opened her messenger, her brow raised a little. There were two videos and no explanation – so she played the first one. It was some ridiculous YouTube video where someone was being stupid and getting themselves hurt in the process, and Emma felt herself reluctantly smiling. But as she watched the second one, her laughter could not be contained. She laughed and rewatched the video, not surprised when another message came through for a third one.

 

Emma hissed sympathetically as someone crashed their bike into a tree after attempting a trick that was clearly never going to work. “That’s gotta hurt.”

 

“Yeah, totally,” Henry said in response.

 

“You better not be stupid enough to try this stuff,” she said, still watching the video.

 

Henry scoffed. “I’m not an idiot. Besides, Mom would kill me if I did.”

 

“Yeah, and then probably kill me twice when I had nothing to do with it.”

 

“You gave birth to me,” he said simply, and Emma looked up and saw him shrug his shoulders. “I think that’s enough.”

 

Emma snorted, shaking her head. “I bet Regina would agree.”

 

Henry looked up and grinned at Emma, putting his phone down on his lap. He looked at her silently for a moment, considering something, and then turned to face the door. “Mom’s in there cleaning, you know.”

 

“She’s Regina. You know she likes to have everything in order.”

 

Henry shook his head as he turned back to face her. “Cleaning clean things cleaning. There were old toothbrushes out like she was planning on doing the floor by hand, too,” he shared quietly.

 

Emma’s lips pulled into a frown. “So I guess you know something’s up.”

 

“I’m not blind.”

 

Emma rolled her eyes. “Did you–?” she asked vaguely as she gestured with her hand to the door, figuring he knew what she meant.

 

He nodded. “You’re round two. I thought maybe I could get more information out of you, so I don’t really know what happened. So... What happened?” He looked at her like he was ready to take notes or something very Henry-ish, and Emma couldn’t help laughing a little.

 

“Yeah, not happening. Good try, though.”

 

He shrugged and checked the time on his phone. “There’s pizza in the kitchen. You missed dinner.”

 

Emma heard the disappointment that he was trying to hide underneath his casual tone, and it made her regret not just calling and asking Regina if she wanted her there or not. It would have made this a lot simpler, a straight-forward answer so she wouldn’t have been sitting outside for an hour for no reason.

 

“Sorry, kid,” she said, knocking his foot with her own. “I needed some space, and time.”

 

He nodded. “I understand – just thought you might be hungry.”

 

Surprisingly, she was not. She was too full of thoughts and overactive emotions to think about food.

 

“She’s sorry, you know,” he said a moment later, serious.

 

Emma’s brow wrinkled as she watched him get up and brush himself off. “She told you that?” she asked with disbelief in her tone.

 

“Of course not. But...” He shrugged a little. “She’s cleaning.”

 

“Which means something is bothering her,” she decoded.

 

Henry started walking back to the front door, but he paused and looked at Emma thoughtfully, down to the key she had abandoned on the ground, and then back at Emma. “I’m going to leave the door unlocked for you. It’s open, and Mom missed you earlier.”

 

And then he slipped inside the house, leaving Emma staring at the door and wondering how her genes were responsible for even a fraction of who he was. Surely he was all Regina, nature having nothing on nurture.

 

It was thoughts like that which played around in her mind until she let herself into the house, key slipped into her pocket.

 

Henry had prepared her for Regina’s cleaning, but she had not expected to walk into the house and find Regina at the bottom of the steps cleaning the banister, furiously wiping it down. Apparently, Regina had not expected Emma to find her there either, or for Emma to walk into the house – or at least that was why she hoped she was suddenly immobilized in the foyer.

 

“Oh,” Regina said, waving her hand and freeing Emma. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the door, and Henry’s upstairs, so when I saw something out of the corner of my eye–”

 

“Yeah, I got it,” Emma said, interrupting Regina before she took a page out of Emma’s book and rambled until her words didn’t even make sense. “I should have rang the doorbell.”

 

Regina’s eyes looked tired, and her shoulders weighed down. She didn’t say anything, only let out a long breath in response to Emma and turned away, going back to the banister, wiping at it like she was trying to thin the wood with sheer force.

 

Emma stood awkwardly watching her for a moment, unsure what to do next. She wasn’t the one who needed to explain themselves – Regina was. Emma could initiate the conversation, but she didn’t want to. If Regina was all that sorry, she should be able to just tell Emma. It was what they had been working on, being open and honest with each other – which was also a big part of why Emma felt so let down after trying to do more of that at the river and Regina not even trying with her, or at least explaining why she suddenly acted like she didn’t even want to be near Emma.

 

Emma huffed out a breath and considered turning back around and leaving. But wasn’t there a reason she had shown up there instead of going to her house in the first place? She had a house of her own, a bed to sleep in, and she hadn’t needed to come to Regina’s house. So clearly she wasn’t there because she had no other options, and she needed to remember that. She was there because it was where she felt at home, and she didn’t want to leave. If Regina wanted her to, of course, Emma would be out of there so fast – but if Regina truly did miss her when she was gone, if she wanted Emma there... All Regina had to do was let her know.

 

That would mean Regina would need to be talking to her, though.

 

Emma huffed again, louder this time.

 

Regina stopped wiping the banister, but she didn’t look at Emma. “You’re not restricted to the foyer. You are allowed to properly enter the house if you wish to be here.”

 

Emma huffed again. That was not what she wanted to hear.

 

Regina rolled her eyes as she turned around to face Emma.

 

“What? Does that annoy you?” Emma asked, folding her arms.

 

Regina didn’t respond with a witty response, no sarcasm, no bite. Emma’s tone had been the one that usually provoked her, but Regina just looked tired and upset. “Are you staying?” she asked, her voice too quiet.

 

Emma’s arms fell down, her shoulders relaxing; she lost her defensive pose and stuffed her hands in her back pockets. “Do you want me to?”

 

Regina looked like maybe she wanted to tell Emma not to answer her question with one of her own – because she hated when Emma did that – but instead she nodded her head slowly, the rag in her hand being twisted around. “Yes, I want you to stay,” she breathed out.

 

Emma’s chest felt like it loosened at the sound of Regina’s response, and a little of her uncertainty faded.

 

Emma nodded her head and walked up the stairs that led to the main level. “Then I’m staying.”

 

Standing face to face, they held each other’s eyes for a long moment. There was still so much that needed to be said, fixed, but Emma could see that Regina had also lost some of her tension when Emma’s decision to stay had been made. It did not change that Emma was hurt from earlier, nor did it change that Emma thought she and Regina needed to talk about whatever it was that made Regina pull away from her like she hadn’t in a long time. What it did do was give Emma a reason to believe that the situation was fixable, and it wasn’t just going to be her trying to fix it.

 

“I should go upstairs,” she decided out loud, looking up to the second level. “Maybe take a shower and go to bed.”

 

Regina stepped aside. “All right.”

 

And Emma thought that was going to be the end of it. But when she was halfway up the stairs, Regina started speaking again.

 

“I listen to French music when I’m feeling a little melancholy. Although I prefer red wine over white, I actually rather have Scotch or my cider. The last time I took time off for myself and not Henry, or because of something happening in the town, was almost two decades ago. I do not know how to ride a bike, nor do I plan on learning how to.”

 

Regina had avoided Emma’s eyes as she spoke, but she suddenly looked up at her.

 

“Perhaps this one holds some importance,” she said, twisting the rag in her hand so tightly Emma thought she might be able to pull it into two.

 

And Emma remembered asking Regina to share something unimportant with her.  

 

“Letting people in is not something I do easily, and I’ve already let you in far more than I have anyone else. If I were to give you more of me...” Regina swallowed and released the rag. She tried smiling, but her lips barely moved; her eyes still looked tired and far away. “I don’t frighten easily, or admit it when I do – but I’m...”

 

Emma could hear the words that wouldn’t leave her mouth, could see how difficult it was for her to put her feelings into words and give them to someone else. She could tell Regina was trying, and Emma wanted whatever Regina was considering giving to her. So Emma walked down a few steps and sat down, showing that she wasn’t going anywhere.

 

“You have another one of those?”

 

Regina gave her a confused look, so Emma pointed to the rag in her hand. After a moment, Regina pulled one from the back pocket of the pants Emma had dubbed her cleaning jeans. They were loose and probably from the nineties and looked like they had been washed a million times; they were old and nothing like any of Regina’s other clothes.

 

“Thanks,” Emma said as she took the fresh rag. “So, I just wipe? No polish or anything?”

 

Regina looked bewildered. “You want to clean?”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders. It wasn’t actually dirty, and she was sure Regina was aware of that, too. But Emma had figured out that Regina needed everything around her to be in order when things weren’t inside her head, which was why she cleaned when she was working through things, or when something was bothering her. Months ago, when Regina’s missing half had been on the loose, all Regina had done was read the books from her vault, work on her magic, and clean – she had only slept and ate when someone reminded her to, and it usually took several reminders.

 

So did Emma want to clean? No. But she wanted to help Regina.

 

“Can’t be too bad, right?”

 

Regina smiled a little as she held out the rag she had been using. “Use this one instead.”

 

Emma took it and handed back the first one she had been given, just in case she still needed something to do with her hands. Emma was just glad she had been cleaning something simple and not the stove, or windows, or one of the other things Emma hated cleaning around the house. This, she could do.

 

Regina cleared her throat after silently watching for a moment. “You didn’t ask for a lot earlier, but I was unable to see past the inevitable fallout that would come if I gave you what you did ask of me.”

 

Emma paused with her wiping and looked at Regina. “Fallout?”

 

Regina gave her a look that said _‘isn’t it obvious?’_ and didn’t verbally respond.

 

Except it wasn’t obvious to Emma. “What kind of fallout? I just want to get to know more about you, Regina.”

 

Regina’s confusion replaced her previous look, and just like she had done before, she asked, “Why do you want that?”

 

Emma sighed. “Why the hell wouldn’t I?” she asked, but her voice was soft. “When you like something, don’t you want more of it? I like you,” she said simply, but Regina’s eyes just looked confused and unsure, and Emma knew simple wasn’t enough. “Look. We both know I’m not the best with this, expressing my feelings coherently. It’s harder than it looks. But.” Emma licked her lips and caught Regina’s eyes and held onto them. “I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you that you mean a lot to me before you believe me, but I’m not going to stop trying to make you see that you do until you understand.

 

“I’m not just here because of Henry. I’m here because of both of you. I don’t have lunch with you almost every day because I have no other options. I do it because there’s nobody I’d rather be spending that time with. I don’t see how learning more about you could possibly be a bad thing.”

 

Regina crossed her arms around herself. “You were correct earlier about there still being walls that I keep up. So, let’s say I bring more of my walls down.”

 

“Okay,” Emma agreed quietly.

 

“What if you don’t like what you see when I do that? What if...” Regina’s eyes quickly moved away, her voice thick with emotions, and Emma could see the struggle to keep going when her instincts were to keep it in. “If I were to open up to you and you learned who I really am–”

 

“I know who you are already,” Emma said, wanting to reach out and pull Regina closer to her. But the stupid banister was between them, and Emma wasn’t sure Regina would even want that, could still feel her pulling away from her touch out in the woods. “I promise you, there’s nothing that I’ll see that will make me love you any less.”

 

Regina’s eyes widened as her head jerked up, and there was a three-second stretch of time that Emma didn’t understand what was going on. Regina was looking at her like she had just done something completely unexpected and Regina was not sure how to respond to it.

 

But then Emma replayed the words she had said and understood the reaction – or least sorta understood it. “What?”

 

“What?” Regina repeated in the same tone that one would say _'are you serious?'_ in.

 

“Come on, this isn’t the first time I’ve said that aloud. I know it isn’t.”

 

Regina’s eyes danced across Emma’s face, like she was trying to understand something. “It is to me,” she finally said, exasperated.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Oh,” Regina repeated, raising her voice a little. “That’s all?”

 

Emma tried to understand what was going on, but she didn’t get it. “Regina, I love you. And maybe the fact that I don’t say it enough is why you don’t see how much you mean to me, but–”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“What?”

 

“I apologize.”

 

Emma’s brow furrowed. “Are we having two different conversations right now? Because I’m getting really confused.”

 

A tiny smirk formed on Regina’s mouth as she said, “When are you not?”

 

Emma felt a little lighter after that, and she offered Regina a slowly growing grin in response. “Why are you apologizing to me?”

 

“Would you like a hand-written list of the reasons I have to be sorry?”

 

“Uh. No... But maybe you could just catch me up so I feel like I’m on the same page as you.”

 

Regina licked her lips and looked around them. She let out a slow breath and asked, “Would you like a drink?”

 

“Does it come with French music?”

 

Regina ducked her head as she shook it, hiding a small smile.

 

“Good,” Emma said as she stood up from the stairs. “I’m not really a fan. But I could go for some Scotch.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

The words tumbled out with less precision than she was used to exhibiting, but Emma did not seem bothered by that at all. Emma’s words tumbled out of her mouth out of order half the time when she was rambling, so why would she?

 

“Don’t forgive me so easily,” Regina had said when Emma tried to. “I don’t want to be forgiven just because I apologized. That isn’t what I want for us. I want to work through what’s wrong, even if it’s difficult.”

 

Emma had nodded at that and said, “We’re not going to just sweep it all under the rug. That’s not us. I know that.” And Regina had heard the silent, “You’re not him,” that was attached to it.

 

“I’m scared of losing you,” she finally admitted aloud, looking into her glass, the words heavy, an admission she did not make easily, “and even more worried that I’ll hurt you.”

 

And that was where they were now, two glasses in, sharing one of the loveseats in the study, Emma looking at Regina like everything was so simple.

 

“I’m a big girl, Regina. If I get hurt, I get hurt. But pushing me away? That’s not going to stop me from getting hurt anymore than letting me in will.”

 

Regina brought her drink up to her mouth and finished it. She had to admit that talking through what was going on in her head helped her, even if there was a lot in there she did not want to share. Her thoughts weren’t fighting against each other any longer. She no longer felt the need to find a way to escape her own mind. And Emma was a lot better at expressing her own feelings and understanding Regina’s than she gave herself credit for.

 

“I used to do that a lot, too, you know? Only see the bad that would come. It made it easier not to put myself in a situation where I would get hurt by someone again.” Emma took Regina’s empty glass from her and refilled it. “But you know what else it kept me from? It kept me from so many things I could have enjoyed if only I had taken the risk.”

 

“Thank you,” Regina said as Emma put the glass in her hand.

 

Emma hummed.

 

When her hand didn’t let go completely and covered Regina’s instead, Regina looked down at it. It was the first time Emma had touched her since the woods, and Regina could barely feel the warmth of her skin on her own, the pressure too light. It held none of her usual confidence; she did not take Regina’s hand like she knew she didn’t need permission to do so. Emma wasn’t certain about this, and Regina hated knowing how little it took to make Emma question everything about where she stood with Regina. This wasn’t what Regina wanted. It was exactly the opposite.

 

Regina pulled away ever so slightly, slowly, but as the hand that was holding the glass left Emma’s, Regina’s other hand captured it. “I’m not going to pull away,” she said with regret underneath her assurance, regret for making it so she needed to say that.

 

Emma scooted lower in the seat and rested her head on her arm, which she had draped over the back of the loveseat. She flicked her eyes up to Regina’s, and then down to their hands. There was a small smile on her lips as she slid her fingers between Regina’s. Emma was quiet – which either meant she was deep in thought or trying to just be in the moment. Her face was finally relaxed, and that look that Regina still couldn’t stop picturing was completely gone from her eyes. Regina had a feeling this was one of the times where she just wanted to experience the moment and shut her brain off, no loud thoughts, no questions, no responsibilities to think about.

 

So Regina watched Emma play with her fingers and drank her Scotch, not sure which of the two was making her feel like there were butterflies in her belly that could make her fly away.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

When Emma woke up, it was dark save for the golden lamplight. She was still in the study, she realized, but what really caught her attention were the fingers at her temple, massaging absently. Her head was on Regina’s lap, and Emma was curled up on the the small seat with her. There was something hard digging into her hip – probably her phone – but she didn’t want to move, didn’t want Regina to realize she was awake and stop what she was doing. It felt too nice, the perfect amount of pressure, a hint of nails when she moved into Emma’s hair briefly, and skin so warm Emma wanted to release a hundred sighs in response. The sensation her touch created traveled all the way from Emma’s scalp to her spine, almost enough to make her shiver.

 

So Emma kept her eyes shut and hoped her breaths were still even, her body relaxed enough. After everything earlier, she thought she deserved this moment.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

While a good attempt, Emma pretending to be asleep was entirely unnecessary. Regina had been aware of Emma waking up and had chosen not to stop. She found the repetitive motion relaxing as she read from an old book that had once belonged to her father. Even though she had frozen in place when Emma, drowsy from the long day and alcohol, laid her head down on Regina’s lap, once she relaxed and lowered the voices in her head, Regina had found, as she had just the day before, she liked that Emma trusted her enough to fall asleep near her. You were most vulnerable when you were asleep, unable to protect yourself, and Emma clearly did not mind being vulnerable with her.

 

She was unsure whether Emma believed she would stop if she was aware she was awake, but Regina didn’t want her to think she needed to pretend to be sleeping. Their conversation earlier made Regina want to at least try to give Emma what she had asked for, and Regina’s affectionate side was one of the things she hadn’t displayed much in the past. She thought about that line she was supposed to draw, but then thought of Emma telling her to stop worrying about hurting her, to stop seeing things go wrong when they hadn’t even started – and while she knew not how things would play out in the future, she wanted to stop self-sabotaging and enjoy what she currently had with Emma.

 

Not wanting to startle Emma, Regina closed her book loudly enough for it to be heard and then put it aside. She slowly dragged her hand over the crown of Emma’s head, silky strands of blonde hair tempting, begging her to sink her fingers into them. Quietly, her voice husky without her purposely making it that way, she asked, “Are you enjoying this, Emma?”

 

Emma peeked one eye open. “Yeah,” she said so quietly that Regina could barely hear the word.

 

Regina smiled down at her, giving into her urge to dig her fingers into Emma’s hair and scratch her scalp.

 

Emma’s reaction was immediate, a slow groan that sounded so deep that she must have been holding on to it for a while. The sound made Regina’s eyebrow lift as she smirked and raked her fingers through her hair again, pulling away and letting the strands of hair slip between her fingers. Emma made a smaller groan this time, but it was no less full of pleasure, no less delicious to Regina. For a second Regina’s mind wandered away from her, and she wondered what other sounds she could draw from Emma’s throat, what other noises she would make if _that_ was what having her scalp scratched caused.

 

But those were dangerous thoughts, and even worse when Emma’s head was on her lap.

 

Regina licked her lips and brought in a slow breath, one she hoped would clear her head of all the inappropriate thoughts that were forming inside of it. And when she released it, Emma reached for her hand and took it in her own.

 

“You good?”

 

Regina nodded.

 

“You want me to get up?”

 

Regina shook her head in the negative.

 

Emma turned over so she was on her back, her feet on the seat, her knees bent. “You suddenly forget how to use your words?” she asked with a smirk.

 

Regina rolled her eyes and took her hand from Emma’s so she could slap the blonde’s arm. “I thought you enjoyed that we could be silent with one another. Or has that changed, hmm?”

 

Emma shook her head, holding Regina’s gaze for a long moment before a wide smile spread across her face, bright as sunlight and more beautiful than anything Regina had ever witnessed. “I’d like your hand back, please,” she said, still smiling, holding her hand out and waiting.

 

Regina raised an eyebrow, a smile of her own taking over her features as she laid her hand down on Emma’s, purposely letting her fingertips drag across Emma’s palm slowly.

 

Emma’s lashes fluttered briefly, and then she curled her fingers around Regina’s and held it tightly. “Mine,” she whispered, a twinkle in her eyes that made Regina’s heart skip. It was playful and hid something that Regina could not read.

 

Regina licked her lips and didn’t say anything for a while, and neither did Emma. But they held hands like it was the most natural thing for them to do, Emma’s fingers fitting between hers like they knew no other place to be.

 

“Right?” Emma asked, a little uncertain but still smiling at her.

 

And what was Regina supposed to say?

 

“Yours.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma did not sleep as well as she had the night before, but when she woke up Sunday morning, she had no complaints. She lingered in bed and let her body wake up naturally, in no rush to get up. It was Baby and Emma day – the day she not only babysat her little brother but also Zelena’s little girl, and she liked to enjoy the quiet as long as she could before the two of them came over to the house. Of course, Regina was always around, but Sundays were the days Regina prepared for her meetings with the department heads. The kids were only there for a couple of hours, but it always felt like they had been there for much longer if they were fussy.

 

So Emma planned to enjoy her Sunday morning, stretched out in her comfortable bed, not a worry on her mind.

 

So,  _of course,_ someone decided to knock on her door and disturb that peace.

 

“If you’re not bringing me breakfast in bed, it’s too early for conversation,” she grumbled, rolling over onto her stomach and burying her head in her pillows. They still smelt like coconut – like Regina. She wanted to stay there and breathe it in.

 

“I just came to inform you that you have the day off. You can go back to sleep,” Regina said through the door.

 

Emma’s head popped up, and then she rushed up out of the bed. Her foot caught in the sheet, though, so she didn’t exactly make it to the door like she had planned. The floor was clearly where she was meant to be. _Clearly._

 

“Fucking hell,” she muttered after the loud tumble down to the ground, and not even seconds later her door was flying open.

 

“What the hell was– what are you doing?” Regina asked, worry quickly fading once she saw Emma on the floor, tangled up in her sheet.

 

Emma groaned as she yanked the sheet from the bed. “I could have been naked, you know? You shouldn’t just throw the door open like that.”

 

 _Something_ flashed across Regina’s face as her eyes swept over Emma, and then she cleared her throat. “You sleep in here without clothing?” she asked, her words low as she reached over for the door and closed it. Emma was only in a soft cotton bra and matching underwear, so maybe that was a good idea.

 

Emma looked Regina up and down. She was already dressed for the day, of course. Emma mentally shook her head, rolling over onto her back and pulling her foot free. “What do _you_ sleep in? A fancy suit made for nighttime, probably.”

 

“I beg your pardon,” Regina asked, sounding awfully scandalized.

 

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’ve asked worse. Seriously. And you just asked me if I sleep naked.”

 

Regina brushed her hands down her shirt and then folded her arm across her midsection. “You were the one who put the idea in my head. It was not–”

 

“You have an image of my naked body in your head, and you looked at me like I just asked you to strip for me a second ago?” Emma asked, shaking her head and grinning with disbelief.

 

Regina looked absolutely horrified, though. “That, that– That is _not_ what I meant.”

 

“Deny it all you want. I know you’re thinking about me naked now, Regina. There’s no going back.”

 

Regina’s eyes narrowed. Emma only grinned at her.

 

“Did you bump your head when you fell?”

 

“Nope. I hurt my ass, though,” she said, rolling over onto her side and presenting her boyshorts-covered behind to Regina.

 

Regina lifted her head and looked at the ceiling, pinching her nose like she was counting down. Emma decided to stop messing with her, even though it was fun watching her get a little flustered.

 

“Relax. I’ll put some pants on. You can stop acting like seeing my ass has scarred you for life.”

 

“Why don’t you put on a shirt while you’re at it?” Regina threw over her shoulder as she turned her back to Emma.

 

Emma rolled her eyes and picked up her sheet from the floor and threw it on the bed. It was too early for real clothes, but if they made Regina stay a little longer, she could deal. She hadn’t wanted to go to bed when she had the night before, but Regina kept yawning and nodding off. Something about last night had felt _different_ to Emma, and it had been a good different. She had tried figuring out what it was, why every time Regina looked down at her, Emma suddenly felt like she had just been spinning around in circles for hours, dizzy as hell even laying down. But all she knew was that it was definitely Regina causing the feeling, and she had liked it a whole lot.

 

White T-shirt slipped on, she grabbed a pair of loose sweats that sat low on her hips and were perfect for a lazy day around the house. She put them on and then plopped down on the bed, laying across it diagonally and waiting for Regina to turn around. Regina did so slowly, looking over her shoulder, and then properly facing Emma.

 

“So why no kids today?”

 

“One of the other children in the group your mother’s a part of is celebrating their first birthday. The parents were on the fence about having a party for the baby, and apparently decided last minute – as in yesterday – that they would.”

 

“Nice,” Emma said with a low whistle. “This means I can sleep.”

 

Regina gave her a disapproving look. “Did you not do that at night?”

 

“Yeah, but I can do it some more now. Unless you miss me...” she said with a grin.

 

Regina didn’t take the bait, asked instead, “Did you want to join Henry and I on our walk?”

 

Emma shook her head. She loved getting to spend time with the two of them, but she did enough walking yesterday. “No, let him talk your ear off about nature. I learned enough about trees to last me a lifetime the last time you invited me. I’ll be here when you guys get back, and maybe we can do something together before he leaves for Violet’s.”

 

Regina agreed with a simple head nod. “Don’t sleep the day away, Emma,” she said, starting to head to the door.

 

But Emma felt something in her chest pull as Regina started leaving and knew only stopping Regina would make the feeling stop. “Wait,” she said, sitting up in the bed a little.

 

So of course Regina stopped.

 

And of course Emma didn’t have anything to say.

 

So Regina ended up looking at Emma expectantly, and Emma just stared back at her like Regina should know what came next.

 

Regina’s eyebrow raised. “Do you plan on saying something?”

 

Emma let out a long breath and ran her fingers through her hair, thinking. “Where are you going? I mean, what do you even do this early in the morning? Henry’s not going to be up for another two hours most likely.”

 

Regina looked at Emma thoughtfully before she leaned against the door, the way she did when she planned on staying for a little while. “Sometimes I like to read in the morning as I drink my coffee. It’s actually quiet with the both of you sleeping,” she told Emma with a little smirk that played all the way up in her eyes and made them twinkle. “If I have work to do, I do that.”

 

“Fun,” Emma said dryly.

 

Regina licked her lips and nodded her head towards the bed. “You sleep all morning and still come downstairs tired. Is that your idea of ‘fun’?” she asked, air quotes and all.

 

Emma shrugged the best she could in her position. “I actually do a lot more thinking than sleeping before going downstairs.”

 

Regina hummed and held Emma’s gaze for several heartbeats before she asked, “What’s on your mind this morning?”

 

And suddenly there was only one thing on her mind, and that was Regina – which she couldn’t say. Right?

 

Sometimes Emma already felt like maybe she came on too strong with Regina, that she would push her away if she revealed too many of her thoughts and feelings. How did she tell Regina that she was thinking about last night, getting to hold Regina’s hand while they were in their little bubble, without it sounding like too much? How did she tell Regina that she was thinking about the way Regina had smiled at her, the way it looked like stars were in her eyes and Emma had never loved the night sky more? How did she tell Regina that she was thinking about the way Regina had whispered “yours” and didn’t even question Emma claiming her hand as hers, just gave it to her?

 

Regina raised her brow questioningly.

 

Emma rolled over in the bed and laid her head down on the pillows, the ones that smelt like coconut and made her sigh.

 

And sigh she did as she decided there was no way to tell Regina that the only thing on her mind right then was her.

 

So instead she lied and said with a chuckle, “Sleep. Just getting some more sleep.”

 

And Regina accepted the answer – because, why wouldn’t she? Emma was just starting to notice the pattern in her thoughts lately, so of course Regina had no reason to believe she was what was on Emma’s mind.

 

Of course she had no reason to think that the very last thing Emma wanted was for her to walk away and leave her alone with only the smell of coconut on her pillows to keep her company.

 

So Regina left, and Emma held her pillow closer, thinking about Regina and the way her heart felt full and happy when they were together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exhaustion, a tiny block, and a lack of internet all tried to make updating impossible... but here's day 4!

**illness**

 

Monday morning had been one disaster after another, and not even Regina Mills had been able to stay on top of everything. For a short moment, Regina actually wished putting an entire town under a sleeping curse was as neat and easy as those unrealistic stories and films made it appear. She could use the quiet, and with her phones ringing almost non-stop, she was not going to have any of that anytime soon.

 

First, there had been the troubles with her car. She had packed it in advance because she knew she needed a little extra time to set up for the weekly department head meeting. There were two presentation boards, a box of files she had brought home the week before, and her normal briefcase and purse. Although she had been right on schedule up to unlocking her car door, once she was in the car, it seemed as though everything that could go wrong, did.

 

Engine troubles, she had later found out when Emma looked at it at some point during the morning and then called to tell her. She would take care of it, she had also told Regina, telling her not to worry about it. And if Regina hadn’t already snapped at her – and everybody else in the department head meeting – already, she probably would have again then. But, Regina took her deep breaths and thanked Emma instead, understanding Emma was just trying to help. It was not her fault that Regina was not the best at accepting said help, or that Regina was unsure of how to properly thank her for once again doing something for Regina that she did not need to do. And, besides, she was not upset with Emma; it was just not a good morning, and she was snappy.

 

Later, when coming in from a meeting at the new youth center, Regina was unfortunate enough to walk in at the very moment her assistant started regurgitating right at her desk into a waste basket. It was unsanitary, unsightly, and soon another problem for her when she needed to send the woman home. This did not happen before her assistant informed her of the mistake on her schedule that she had made, a mistake that resulted in Regina almost completely missing one of her meetings.

 

Her ten o’clock and three o’clock meetings were switched due to an error her assistant had made when inputting them into Regina’s very detailed, very organized schedule. This would not have been that big of a problem if the meetings were both at her office, for she had been prepared for both. However, following her luck for the day, the meeting she thought she had at ten o’clock was supposed to be in her office, while the one she actually had was across town. So instead of arriving at the meeting she was supposed to have been at on time, she arrived fifteen minutes later because she had been waiting at her office for the wrong person – who she later had to apologize to for snapping at when she thought he was late and being unprofessional.

 

With her assistant out sick, it also meant Regina had an unexpected load of work on her hands that she had not been prepared for, more phone calls to take on her own, and a severe headache to top off the crappy day.

 

She could handle it, though, she had told herself – repeatedly – and thanked the powers of caffeine as she powered through her morning, frustrated but not letting it slow her down.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma’s day, while not as crazy as Regina’s, had been busy as hell as well.

 

Storybrooke was a quiet town with very little serious problems most of the time. Emma’s job was, when she was actually _there_ to do it, not a difficult one. However, whenever something crazy did happen around town, the week that followed was always a mess for her. Every little thing that happened around town, from car alarms going off to “strange” noises being heard along the hiking trails, was reported to the Sheriff. Nobody believed the simple, unmagical explanations that were logical and obvious, and were positive, absolutely positive, there would be another attack or whatever crazy idea their head could come up with.

 

And, okay. To be fair, a lot of crazy crap did happen to them. But most of the time it was out of nowhere and there weren’t any signs of it. Plus, Zelena, Regina, and Emma had spent their Saturday afternoon checking the town for magical energy that felt out of place, as well as for things that did not belong. It was safe – they were safe – and there had been a quick meeting just the day before to inform everyone of that. That promise of safety did not stop the phone calls, nor did it keep Emma from having to go out to check on issues that weren’t really issues a sheriff should have to deal with.

 

It was now her lunch hour, and while her phone was on for emergencies, she had told her father she didn’t want to be disturbed. She usually didn’t take her whole lunch break, because Regina didn’t take hers. Normally, she would have about half an hour left and would use it to pretend she was working on paperwork that she really just flipped through and groaned at. But today, Emma was going to make sure Regina actually rested for a few minutes and took a moment to breathe. She knew she was having a terrible day, and even though it was busy, she needed to allow herself a moment to herself so she would be able to make it through the rest of the day – preferably without considering throwing a fireball at whoever pushed her over the edge she was on. (She wouldn’t actually do it, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t think about it. She was only human, after all.)

 

Emma pulled her hands from her jean pockets as she walked up to Granny’s and let herself in. She kept her head ducked to avoid the eyes of anyone who thought she might be interested in hearing their complaints during her lunch break. The diner was full of the usuals, their chatter mixing with silverware clinking against plates.

 

She leaned against the counter and pulled out her phone, waiting for someone to appear on the other side. It was busy this time of day, and it seemed like everybody was doing something, moving back and forth from the kitchen to the tables, carrying trays of food. The smell made Emma’s stomach growl as she busied herself with her phone, playing a game that was great for killing time.

 

“Kale Salad and grilled cheese,” she heard and lifted her head to find one of the new waitresses looking at her expectantly. She was one of the high schoolers there for the summer, great with remembering orders and getting them to the kitchen quickly.

 

Emma raised her eyebrow a little and twisted her phone around in her hand, making her decision. “How about a grilled chicken wrap and...” Emma bit her lip.

 

“Sandwich of the Day,” the girl suggested, pen hovering above her little notepad. “I had one during my break. It was probably my favorite so far. You’ll like it.”

 

They had yet to disappoint her, and the girl was great at figuring out what Emma would enjoy, so Emma decided to go for it. The Sandwich of the Day was something new they had been doing for about two months, and Emma liked to at least try a new one each week. “Yeah, sure. Why not?! There’s no–”

 

“No pickles,” she said, grinning proudly as Emma gave a little look of surprise. “I remember. Anything else?”

 

Emma looked over to see who was making fries, but she couldn’t tell, even as she lifted up on her toes a little to lean over the counter more. “Who’s doing the fries today? Not Jerry, right?”

 

The waitress smirked and went to take a quick look. “Ally’s back there. I could get her to make them. They’re for the mayor, right? Rosemary, light on the sea salt, a dash of pepper, a little extra crunch but not burnt.”

 

Emma gave her an impressed smile. “They need to keep you on past the summer. Nobody ever remembers her fries order properly.”

 

“That’s because we don’t make fries to order,” the elder Lucas said as she came out of the kitchen, carrying a freshly baked pie with her. “I’ll start charging her double if she causes my girls any trouble with this special fries business.”

 

Emma gave a half-chuckle. “No troubles,” Emma promised on Regina’s behalf. “She likes your fries too much for that,” Emma whispered in her direction, like it was a secret. Compliments went a long way, and it was the truth. Regina didn’t eat fries from anywhere else, had a complaint about every other restaurant in town.

 

“Well, she ought to with all her specifications,” she said with a dash of sarcasm.

 

Emma watched her neaten the dessert display as her order was prepared. The pie that she had just placed on the stand looked tempting, and Emma wasn’t even that big on pie. Her food came from the kitchen quickly, and after Emma checked it, it was bagged for her.

 

“That wouldn’t happen to be apple pie?” Emma asked, nodding her head over to the pie in question.

 

The elder Lucas shook her head as she smirked knowingly, cutting out two slices without even responding. Emma grinned and thanked her, and soon she was on her way to Regina’s office, bringing food and a break from the chaos.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina was in the middle of giving her signature of approval on a request form and discussing concerns with someone from the Board of Education when the phone outside of her office started ringing, the one her assistant usually answered, the call unable to come through to Regina’s office because she was already taking one.

 

“Yes, yes, absolutely,” she was saying, standing up from her seat. She wanted to politely put him on hold, but he just kept going on and on, not letting her get a word in. It was terribly annoying, and just when she was about to raise her voice from the professional tone she had kept with him for the duration of the call despite him not doing the same, the phone stopped ringing.

 

Regina sighed away from the receiver and fell back into her chair, perfect posture and years of having proper ladylike manners drilled into her head be damned. Regina mills did something she rarely ever did – she slouched.

 

Her phone conversation continued for another minute or two, and then finally she was able to hang up and let out the growl that had been waiting to be released since she answered the phone nearly twenty minutes before. How there could be so many complaints about the school system in the middle of July when they had just held a meeting a few weeks back for that very reason, Regina still did not understand. But as she rubbed at her temples, closing her eyes, she chose to just be thankful that his voice was no longer whining in her ear.

 

Regina was looking forward to going home more than she normally did. Normally, she enjoyed her workdays; the workload wasn’t outrageous, and the work itself was something Regina was quite good at. But after the morning she had had, she was ready to be home, to step out of the heels that were pinching her toes, to pour herself a small glass of cider, and be able to wind down with her family. With several hours of the day to go, imagining the way it would feel to sink into the cushion of their new living room sofa would have to be enough for Regina.

 

She sighed, allowing herself a minute of silence while she had it.

 

_Inhale._

 

_Exhale._

 

_Inhale._

 

A double knock on the glass panel of her door made Regina’s blood suddenly feel like it was boiling in her veins. She exhaled the breath roughly and started to straighten up in her seat when the door slowly opened a few inches and Emma’s head popped in.

 

“Not going to throw anything at me, are you?” she asked with a teasing grin.

 

For the first time that day since she left the house, Regina felt herself smiling. “That depends on what you brought for lunch,” she said, her voice a low rasp as she called Emma in with a crooked finger and then pulled herself up to sit properly in her chair.

 

Emma pushed the door open all the way and held up her paper bag from Granny’s. It didn’t tell her much, but that was not what Regina was focused on as Emma came in and closed the door behind her. It was the way Emma’s presence instantly lightened the heavy weight on her shoulders that she was noticing, the way Emma’s smile as she crossed the room made Regina feel a little less grouchy, brought something bright into her day.

 

It had been said about many people before, but Regina didn’t believe anyone could light up a room the way Emma Swan could. And light the room up she did as she continued smiling at Regina like she knew not how to do anything else when looking at Regina.

 

“So...”

 

“Okay.” Emma made room for the bag on Regina’s desk by sliding over some folders – which Regina then moved completely out of the way, putting them in one of her desk drawers to be filed later. “I thought you could use something a little less green today, a special treat that you haven’t had in a long while.”

 

Regina merely raised her brow, waiting. Emma had this way of grinning when she was proud of something she had done. Regina couldn’t help the way she reacted to that grin. She couldn’t help that her heart flipped dangerously and her abdominal muscles fluttered.

 

The paper bag crinkled as Emma stuck her hands inside and retrieved an aluminum bowl. She handed it over to Regina with what Regina recognized as the chicken wrap she liked. And then Emma waited for Regina’s reaction with an eager look as she stuck her hands into her pockets.

 

A tiny noise formed in her throat as she put the bowl down and moved the wrap aside to reveal what she already knew were french fries from the strong smell that filled the air the moment Emma opened her bag. “Sea salt?” she asked with a bit of warning in her tone, flicking her eyes up to look at Emma, not giving away that she could almost taste the fries on her tongue and couldn’t wait until she actually did.

 

Emma scoffed. “Do I look like an amateur to you? I know what you like, Regina.” She plopped down into her chair and pulled out her own food, mumbling under her breath, “Is there sea salt? Like I couldn’t give your lunch orders backwards and in an entirely different language by now. Please.”

 

Regina felt laughter in her chest and reached over across the table and placed her hand on top of Emma’s, her laughter mixing with her words as she said, “I was only messing with you, dear. And you were right, you do know better than most what I like. I don’t doubt that.”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders and said, “Special talent. Gotta make sure I keep you happy.”

 

And Regina decided not to pull her hand back for a long moment, her brain busy trying to figure out how she and her happiness ended up being so important to this woman

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“What are you having?” Regina asked a little while later as Emma was taking another bite of her sandwich, the flavors exploding in her mouth.

 

“Turkey BLT,” she mumbled around her food, her cheeks warming as Regina gave her a disapproving look for talking with food in her mouth. She wondered how long Henry had had to deal with those looks growing up before he met Regina’s standards. Emma clearly wasn’t there yet, and might never be.

 

She chewed. She swallowed. She drank some root beer. And then, Emma wiped her mouth. (She did have _some_ table manners, thank you very much.)

 

“Turkey BLT,” she told Regina again, “with some type of spicy mayo, I think, and onions. It’s really good. The roll smells like the one you like, the one that sorta smells like honey, a little sweet.”

 

Regina hummed around her fry, nodding. Half the container was already finished, and Regina looked less wound up than she had when Emma first walked in. It was something Emma was always happy to be able to do, turn Regina’s day around in a positive way. She was sure she’d done the exact opposite many times in the past, but now Regina actually looked like she was happy to see her whenever she walked into the room.

 

“Wanna try it?” she asked, holding her half-eaten sandwich up so Regina could reach. “Here. Take a bite.”

 

Regina gave it, and then Emma, an odd look, scrunching up her face.

 

Emma’s brow furrowed as she waited. “What?”

 

Regina looked at the sandwich, and then at Emma, and then back at the sandwich again. “Nothing,” she said slowly as she leaned forward and Emma moved closer, her eyes locked on Emma’s as _something_ moved through Regina’s own eyes that made Emma want to shiver.

 

Regina held the sandwich as she took a careful bite, but Emma didn’t let go of it. And then Emma realized that was probably what the strange look was for, the fact that Emma was offering a bite of her bitten sandwich. Emma finished off Regina’s coffee all the time when she was rushing in the morning, and her desserts when she ate half and declared it was enough – like there was ever a such thing as enough dessert – so she didn’t see the big deal. If there was anybody Emma wouldn’t worry about sharing her food and drinks with, it was definitely the woman who kept mouthwash in her desk and actually brushed her teeth three times a day sometimes.

 

Regina pulled away and chewed thoughtfully, like Emma needed a professional opinion on the layers of flavor she detected. Emma actually liked that. While their love for food was expressed differently, it was something they shared. Regina enjoyed the cooking aspect more than Emma did, but Emma loved getting to cook with Regina – especially when Henry would join and they would make something random that would turn out way better than Emma expected. They would usually follow up with movies or something fun for the rest of the day. Regina was better at detecting what flavors were, could list ingredients back to Emma if she made her something and told her to taste it – but Emma didn’t need to know what something was to know she enjoyed it. And while Regina said she ate like a child, that didn’t stop them from finding a way to bond over food.

 

Regina hummed and licked her lips slowly. “That is delicious,” she agreed. “I would probably order that for myself if she kept it on the menu.”

 

Emma nodded and took another bite. She chewed. “If you promise not to alter the recipe any, I’m sure she’d consider adding it,” Emma said, chuckling as Regina smirked a little. “So what’s the spiciness I’m detecting?” she quizzed.

 

“Well.” Regina pulled her lip into her mouth and sucked on it, humming in her throat again.

 

Emma licked her own lips and took a quick drink from her root beer, feeling heat tickling the back of her neck from watching Regina so closely. She considered looking away, but her eyes refused. Regina working through flavors, concentrating, was _interesting_ – interesting in a _that probably shouldn’t be so sexy_ kind of way. And Emma was becoming more aware of something that she probably should have noticed before: she thought _a lot_ of what Regina did was sexy, and that was because she found the woman herself to be quite sexy.

 

Emma took another drink of her root beer and wondered something she’d been thinking about a lot the last couple of days. Did finding her closest friend attractive – _very_ attractive – and wanting to be with her as often as Emma realized she wanted to be with Regina mean things needed to change between them? Was it all right for her to feel this way about Regina? If Regina knew, would she still want to be friends with Emma?

 

It was scary thinking that after everything,  _that_ would be what put an end to the friendship Emma had grown to love more than any other she had ever had. So Emma pushed the thought out of her head, leaving it for later. She wasn’t going to think about it if she didn’t need to. She couldn’t have been the first person to have a small _thing_ for their friend. It would pass, as these things normally did.

 

Right?

 

“You know,” Regina said, bringing Emma’s attention back to her, “I’ll give that Ms Lucas credit for one thing. She knows her spices. It’s well-blended, and layered – she could teach that Marcus, Mathew, what–”

 

“The seafood place?” Emma guessed, knowing Regina _hated_ that place.

 

Regina nodded. “She could teach them a thing or two about seasonings.”

 

Emma laughed and took another bite from her sandwich. “So...”

 

Regina looked perplexed as she shook her head. “I couldn’t tell. May I?”

 

Emma raised her brow, confused for a second, and then said, “Oh, yeah, here,” offering the last bit of sandwich to her. “You can have it.”

 

Regina neatly separated the sandwich so she could taste the sauce by itself, using the tip of her finger to do so. “It really is the sauce that makes the sandwich,” she said, wrapping her lips around her finger and tasting – sucking _and_ humming like she normally would when tasting things.

 

Emma had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from humming in response, afraid it would come out more as a moan.

 

“I believe,” Regina said very carefully, like _don’t quote me on this_ carefully, “I taste chili powder and cayenne pepper, perhaps a cajun seasoning, and maybe something with a little tang to it. You can clearly see there’s crushed red peppers in it.”

 

Emma didn’t know if she was correct or not, but she was still impressed. “I just had spiciness on my list, so.” She gave Regina a thumbs up as she leaned back in her seat, slouching down a little to stretch her legs out. “You win today’s gold star for the day.”

 

Regina looked at Emma like she was a bit out of it, and Emma just grinned at her. She didn’t need to explain that she mentally gave herself gold stickers for little accomplishments. Regina could stay confused about that one.

 

Emma was pleasantly full and a little tired, and she was thinking about how she couldn’t wait to get home and take a nap when she remembered she had offered to go grocery shopping on her way to the house. Thinking about finally getting out of her pants and away from the townspeople, though, made the thought of going anywhere near the grocery store sound like a nightmare. She flicked her eyes over to Regina, who might have been relaxed at the moment but Emma knew had been stressed and aggravated all morning. She wouldn’t give her another task for the day, especially after saying she would take care of it. Henry, however...

 

Emma fished her phone from her pocket and sent him a quick text message.

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **Want to be the best son ever and do me a favor?**

 

 **_Henry:_ ** **I’m already the best son ever. Try again. I can be bribed with the right material...**

 

Emma rolled her eyes. He was definitely her kid.

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **What do u want?**

 

 **_Henry:_ ** **Depends on how big your favor is.**

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **groceries**

 

 **_Henry:_ ** **How much?**

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **Gallon of milk. Carton of eggs. Bacon. Package of the chicken that’s on sale... legs??? And cereal.**

 

 **_Henry:_ ** **I want ice cream.**

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **Okay**

 

 **_Henry:_ ** **AND permission to go hang out with Violet again next weekend.**

 

Emma was about to answer back when she noticed Regina’s hand out of the corner of her eye, holding a pen and working on something – which was strictly prohibited, Sheriff’s orders.

 

Emma sat up in her seat and covered Regina’s hand, stopping her. “That’s not allowed.”

 

“You’re on your phone – which is not only rude, but also not allowed,” Regina said, trying to pull her hand away, her face lacking any true emotion but her eyes full of annoyance.

 

Emma squeezed tighter and quickly typed out her response, agreeing to what Henry asked, and then put her phone down on the desk. “You’re right. I’m off of it now. I was getting Henry to do something for me.”

 

Regina didn’t look any less annoyed. “My hand, Emma,” she said, looking down at Emma’s hand covering hers pointedly.

 

“You mean _my_ hand. You gave it to me the other night, and I’m going to need it for the rest of our lunch break,” she said, hoping to undo what she’d done by being on her phone when she knew Regina disliked when she got on her phone when they were supposed to be doing something together. She stroked the side of Regina’s wrist slowly and grinned. “I’m sorry.”

 

Regina didn’t respond immediately. She was working through something, so Emma knew it was best to wait quietly. Furrowed brow, slightly parted lips, eyes moving from their hands to Emma’s face... Emma watched and waited, and then Regina licked her lips like she had come to some sort of conclusion.

 

But she didn’t sound like she had figured out whatever it was she was trying to make sense of when she asked, “You want to sit here and hold my hand for the rest of the hour? Seriously?”

 

Emma didn’t answer with words. She just opened Regina’s fist and slid their fingers together. “Are you okay with that?”

 

Regina’s eyes danced across Emma’s face as she nodded silently, smiling lightly, a little unsure, but definitely smiling.

 

And maybe she had earned a gold star sticker for the day, too.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma had offered to give Regina a ride home from work, and even though she could easily get herself home on her own now that she didn’t have a trunk full of things she needed to bring with her, Regina had agreed. It was why she was now walking into the Sheriff’s station, her suit jacket draped across the arm her purse was also on. In her hand she held her briefcase, holding only a few reports she needed to look over before the morning. She had chosen to bring them with her so Emma wouldn’t have to wait on her. She had also wanted to get away from the loudly ringing phone that had caused the headache that she still had not gotten rid of.  

 

Her hopes of quietly entering the office was ruined by the sound of her heels clicking against the floor, and both Emma and David looked towards her. How odd it once would have been to be on the end of not only one but two Charming smiles. But now it felt natural, being greeted with nothing but genuine delight. They were her family, no matter how annoying they could sometimes be – they smiled when they saw her, hugged her whenever she allowed it, and actually treated her like she was one of them and not someone they needed to protect each other and everyone else from.

 

“Looks like it’s time for you to get going,” David said, patting Emma’s shoulder with a cupped hand as he pushed away from the side of the desk he was leaning on. “How’s it going, Regina?”

 

“Far better now that I’ve left the office,” she admitted. “Today was–”

 

Emma made an explosion noise and demonstrated everything blowing up with her hands.

 

Regina smirked and nodded her head towards her. “Precisely. Couldn’t have explained it better if I tried.”

 

Emma grinned happily.

 

Regina smiled back at her, holding her eyes.

 

David looked between them and shook his head. “Not good, I take it,” he said.

 

But neither of them responded, still looking at each other from across the room. He cleared his throat forcefully and weakened the connection between them.

 

Regina realized she was staring into Emma’s eyes and cleared her throat as well, forcing herself to fight against the magnetic pull that was Emma Swan trying to pull her in deeper. It was a fight she knew she needed to fight, for she was finding it far too easy to fall into the moments that seemed to be occurring more frequently in recent days.

 

The connection between them broken, Emma spun around her chair and started cleaning up the desk. “I didn’t know you were meeting me here. I would have been ready if I did. I just need a few minutes and we can get outta here.”

 

“I needed to get out of my office,” she admitted simply. “If you have something you need to finish working on, take your time. I don’t mind waiting for you.” Regina placed her briefcase down on one of the desks, and then her purse and suit jacket as well. She looked into Emma’s office and saw everything was already cleaned off that desk.

 

“So,” David said, grabbing her attention as he started tidying up as well. “Did Emma speak to you about camping already?”

 

“Camping?”

 

“I found some great tents when Mary Margaret and I were out looking for a new stroller,” he said with a growing smile.

 

Regina was in the process of questioning what he was talking about when Emma spun around in her chair, nearly falling over in it with how fast she turned.

 

“Crap. I was supposed to do that this weekend, but I totally forgot with everything that happened. Henry was here the other day, and you know how these two get when you leave them alone for more than five minutes,” she said with a nervous-sounding chuckle, rubbing the back of her neck as she continued rambling. “Henry kept dropping hints that he wanted to go camping, but David wasn’t picking them up, so he sorta just asked me instead. Then David was on board, and I told Henry we’d have to see what you said. And I guess he didn’t ask you himself, because you wouldn’t be looking at me right now like this is brand new news to you.

 

“Oh. Crap. I also forgot to mention that I gave Henry permission to hang out with his gir- - Violet this weekend. I swear I was going to tell you. I was just a little distracted during lunch.”

 

When Emma finished, she let out a loud breath and waited for Regina to say something. She looked as though she was preparing herself for a negative response, perhaps Regina being upset that she was making decisions without consulting her first. It wouldn’t be the first time Emma made a decision about Henry and then later felt like Regina would think she overstepped. Regina didn’t. Not now, not when there was no questioning that they both were his mothers. Maybe when Regina had felt like she was on the outside of her own son’s life, yes, but not now.

 

So Regina responded with a simple question, making Emma stare at her with her mouth open like she was missing something.

 

“When will this camping trip be taking place?”

 

David was more than happy to step back in, glancing from one woman to the other quickly. “We would leave Saturday morning so we have plenty of time for fishing, stay overnight – campfire, ogre tales, s'mores – and then come back into town Sunday morning for breakfast. Sounds great, doesn’t it?”

 

Regina made a noncommittal noise in her throat. Great it did not sound, but she had no desire to ruin his obvious excitement this time. “And you would be going with them?” Regina questioned, turning back to look at Emma, who still looked like she was missing something.

 

“Uh. Yeah, I guess. David invited me – and you too, by the way. Snow’s staying because of the little one, but you–”

 

“Oh, no. I don’t fish, nor will I willingly spend the night out in the woods when I can be in the comfort of my own house.”

 

“Come on, Regina,” David started with a horrible attempt at what Regina assumed to be the same puppy dog eyes his daughter used on her often. Regina was completely immune to it, as well as the hopeful way he smiled at her. “How can you turn down quality bonding time with your favorite group of people?”

 

Regina rolled her eyes at the last part; he and his daughter were very much alike, same tactics and all – but they actually worked on Regina when Emma was the one trying. “In case you have forgotten, I will be having all of you over for dinner just the night before. That is more than an adequate amount of ‘quality bonding’ for me, trust me. However, I’m sure I can expect more than enough pictures from Emma to feel like I was right there alongside all of you the entire time.”

 

She flicked her eyes over to Emma, and Emma, looking at Regina like she was a puzzle she needed to solve, nodded her head vigorously in response.

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

Regina smiled. “All right, then, that’s settled. Anything else I need to know?”

 

Both David and Emma shook their heads from side to side, ending the conversation.

 

It wasn’t until Emma and Regina were walking out that Emma brought it back up as she held the door open for Regina.

 

“I should have been the one to tell you about that. Henry was just so excited about it, and I wanted to make it happen for him. I should have spoken to you about it before even going to David for Henry. I guess–”

 

But before Emma could start rambling once again, Regina stopped them with a hand on Emma’s arm. Emma turned to look at her, her words quieting as Regina smiled a faint smile at her. “I am sure Henry appreciated you getting everything in order for him, and I am not upset that you did so without first speaking to me about it.”

 

Emma tilted her head, her eyebrows knitted together a little. “You aren’t?”

 

Regina let out a small huff. “No, Emma. I’m not. You’re his mother as well. You don’t have to get my stamp of approval on every decision. Do you expect me to do that?”

 

Emma shook her head. “Big things, yeah, because you do. But not everything, no.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“But it’s different. You’re his mom mom, you know? I’m just his mom.”

 

And while she didn’t understand completely why Emma still doubted so much about her being a mother, she knew she did. So instead of arguing why she didn’t think Emma needed to consult her before every decision, or reminding her like so many had that she was Henry’s mother, Regina told her something that she hoped would help next time Emma felt like she had needed Regina’s approval before making a decision.

 

“I trust your judgment, Emma,” she told her. “I trust you.”

 

And Emma’s surprised smile made Regina hopeful that it would be enough in the future.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“You know, you can go back if you want to,” David said with a knowing smile when he caught Emma checking her phone again.

 

She looked up with a guilty smile. At least this time she hadn’t been staring at her lockscreen with the feeling of intense longing taking over her. Checking her messages wasn’t that bad. Still, she was supposed to be having a day out with her father and son. She should be present there instead of mentally taking a trip back home. She could have a full day away from the house without missing it.

 

(Funny how ‘the house’ was what she claimed to be missing when it was Regina’s pictures and messages she kept looking at.)

 

“That obvious?” she asked as she slipped her phone between her thighs, looking off into the distance where Henry was still with the fishing poles. They’d been out for five hours, and so far they’d only caught two fish.

 

“That you don’t want to be here? Or where you want to be?” he asked with a small chuckle. “Because, yes. Both are obvious. I won’t be disappointed if you leave, if that’s what you’re worried about. Henry and I both know you don’t actually like camping.”

 

Emma’s stomach dropped. “You do? I thought I was playing that off like a champ.”

 

David started laughing, but when he realized she was serious, he patted her shoulder and smiled one of those understanding father smiles he was so good at. “Emma, you don’t have to pretend you like something you don’t just because we invited you.”

 

Emma knew that. She knew she didn’t need to pretend. _But_ she had wanted to be able to do something with both David and Henry that they were looking forward to, even if it meant sleeping out in the woods overnight with the bugs and other naturey things they both liked so much that she didn’t.

 

“It’s not what you think. I didn’t agree because I was trying to make you happy,” she started, and she then backed up because that wasn’t exactly what she wanted to say. “I mean, I didn’t say I would come just for you, or even Henry. I wanted to spend time with you. We haven’t really done much of that recently. I thought it would be fun.”

 

“Aww, Emma,” he said, squeezing her arm. “We could do something you like and still spend time together.”

 

Emma looked at him out of the corner of her eye and gave him a half smile. “I know that,” she said simply, because she did.

 

“So...” He brought his hand up to the back of his neck and rubbed it. “What would you like to do? Just name it, and we can do it.”

 

“Just name it? Really?” she said with a disbelieving laugh. “I could come up with some pretty wild ideas, you know. You sure you want me to just name anything?”

 

“Are you suggesting I can’t handle wild?” he asked with a forced gasp.

 

“I mean, if the shepherd’s crook fits...”  

 

“You did not just say that.”

 

Emma made a ‘ _whatta ya gonna do?_ ’ gesture with her hands as she shrugged and her face scrunched up a little. It made David laugh, which made Emma laugh – which made Henry look over to them with a questioning look on his face.

 

“Your mother thinks I’m boring,” David called over to him in response, grinning like he was actually proud of it.

 

Henry just smiled and went back to watching the water.

 

“You should get out of here,” he said as he turned back to her, his eyes full of understanding as he glanced down at the phone she had started absently playing with in her hands at some point. “If you’re missing her, she’s probably missing you,” he said in a way that made it sound like he knew exactly how she was feeling.

 

Emma suddenly felt very serious. She looked down at her phone, at the black screen, and still somehow saw Regina’s face looking back at her. “I doubt it. I think she was looking forward to finally having an empty house.”

 

David didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? That doesn’t sound right to me.”

 

She raised her eyebrow, wondering why he sounded so confident that she was incorrect. “I’m pretty sure. She’s been... I don’t know. I think I’ve been there too many days without giving her a break. I think she wanted me out of the house.”

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

Emma’s shoulders dropped as she looked down at her phone, twirling it around in her hand as she worked through the past week in her head. It had been a busy one, so she really only saw Regina during lunch and then when they had dinner and spent the evening with Henry. Their time with Henry felt normal, but whenever they were alone, it was like Regina was pulling away – pulling and pushing, and then pulling away again. It was like she’d been fighting against something all week, and she wouldn’t just talk to Emma about it – and Emma wasn’t sure how to bring it up if she was only imagining it.

 

David waited quietly for her to answer him, only giving her an encouraging pat on her shoulder when she glanced up at him. She wasn’t sure how much to say. There were things that felt like they shouldn’t be shared, that were just for her and Regina to know. Regina was still a private person, even if she had grown closer to all of them. And Emma was private, too, and she knew how her parents liked to get involved where she didn’t need them to.

 

“This is the first time in my life that I’ve truly felt like maybe I belong somewhere. With you and Mom, there were a lot of moments of doubt. I didn’t feel like I could be what you guys wanted–”

 

“Emma, we only want you to be who you are.”

 

Emma gave him a smile and leaned against his shoulder for a moment. “It didn’t feel like that,” she said honestly, her voice low. “I didn’t feel like enough,” she admitted, something she still hadn’t said aloud to either of her parents even after months of working on getting those very thoughts out.

 

“I’m sorry we ever made you feel like you weren’t enough,” he said with eyes full of open emotion as he reached over and covered her hand with his, squeezing it so tight it almost hurt. “I am just as proud to be able to call myself your father as I was when your mother was pregnant with you – if not more now that I’ve seen the remarkable, beautiful, strong woman you have become. Of course we would have wanted to be able to watch you grow into who you are, but we are happy to have the chance to be a part of your life now.”

 

“I know that now,” she assured him.

 

Her relationship with her parents, especially David, was at least ten times better than it had been before. She felt their love and knew she was important to them, knew she was enough even after spending so long not believing she was. It was hard sometimes finding her place with parents who weren’t much older than her, parents who now had a baby they could raise and teach family values to that were important to them. But there were moments where it was like breathing, where they were all together and she just felt an overwhelming feeling of _‘this is my family’_ and knew she was a part of them.

 

“And I love you and Mom. You know that, right?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Emma nodded. “But that doesn’t change that I struggled with feeling like I fit before.”

 

He gave her an understanding look and asked, “But you feel that with Regina and Henry?”

 

She smiled as she looked over to her son. “I do. Living with Regina... We don’t agree about everything, but even when we’re disagreeing, things just feel _right_ with her. You know what I mean? It’s been easy living with them. She makes me feel like I...” Emma shook her head and pulled her hair from its ponytail so she could work her fingers through it. “I feel like I belong.”

 

“I’m happy for you,” he said sincerely, smiling like a proud father. “I’m happy for all three of you. You’ve found a home with them, and I know that’s something that you’ve spent a long time feeling like you didn’t have.”

 

She glanced out of the corner of her eye. He listened to her. It was strange sometimes, realizing how much he actually listened, but it made it easier talking about stuff she usually thought she needed to keep in. “I did,” she said with a soft smile.

 

“Then why do you think Regina wouldn’t want you there?”

 

Her smile slowly fell. “Maybe that’s not what I feel. Maybe it’s not her not wanting me there.”

 

“What is it, then?” he asked after a short pause.

 

“Just me.” She rubbed at the back of her neck and carefully watched for his reaction.

 

He didn’t give her much to work with, though. He just looked like he understood – which Emma couldn’t make sense of, because _she_ didn’t understand what it was she was trying to tell him. She couldn’t put it into words, the way it felt like even when Emma wanted to give so much of herself to Regina, Regina would only take a portion of what Emma wanted her to have. She didn’t know if she should even try to. But David had a way of looking at her like he understood everything, and Emma actually wished he did.

 

“Why don’t you go spend some time with Henry and then go back home? Henry and I can have some guy time, and I know it may be hard for you to believe, but Regina might like your company if you were to go back.”

 

“You think?” she questioned, sounding as unsure as she felt.

 

“Yeah. I know a thing or two about this.”

 

She raised her eyebrow. “About Regina?”

 

He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, about matters of the heart.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina felt the presence of someone behind her and, rolling her eyes dramatically, held her phone to her chest and raised her brow with annoyance. “May I help you, Snow?”

 

Snow smiled beamingly at Regina as she took the seat next to her on the back porch swing that she had vacated a few minutes before to go to the restroom. “You’ve been smiling at that thing all morning,” she pointed out, pointing to Regina’s cell phone and giving her a knowing look.

 

“I have done no such thing.” Regina put her phone down on the small table beside the swing.

 

“Please. I’ve seen you, taking a peek at it whenever you didn’t think I was looking. So...” Snow tried to get details out of her, doing some ridiculous smiling-swaying combo _thing_.

 

“So...?” Regina replied, not giving in to Snow’s request.

 

Snow puffed out a breath. “So what’s going on? What’s making you smile so much?”

 

Regina looked at Snow out of the corner of her eye. “What makes you think this is something I wish to discuss with you?”

 

Despite the harshness of Regina’s tone, Snow simply shrugged, unperturbed. “Would you rather I guess? It might take longer, but... If you would prefer that...”

 

“For the sake of my sanity, and your safety, please don’t.” Regina closed her eyes, wondering why she had invited Snow over for tea, and why she was still there two hours later.

 

“Oh, come on. You know I’m good with girl talk. So, talk.”

 

Regina peeked one eye open – and even with just one eye, she knew her glare was dangerous. Of course Snow didn’t think so, just kept on smiling and waiting. So Regina sighed and let both of her eyes stay shut against the warm sunlight that was trying to reach her face.

 

“It’s just Emma,” she said with an air of unimportance she did not truly feel, hoping Snow’s questioning would stop.

 

But, of course, it would not.

 

“I thought as much. However, I didn’t want to be presumptuous and assume.”

 

“You, not being presumptuous? Now _that_ I find hard to believe.”

 

Snow swatted Regina’s thigh with the bib she was holding. “Give me some credit, Regina. I do try with you.”

 

Regina hummed noncommittally.

 

“So...?”

 

Regina shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “This isn’t gossip hour, Snow. I have nothing to share.”

 

“The smiling... The messages... Emma...”

 

“Your daughter takes twenty pictures an hour, that is all. She has been updating me on how Henry is doing, and sending me pictures of them.” She told Snow in a serious tone. “That is all.”

 

Snow hummed and moved in the swing, making it rock a little. “Can I see?”

 

Regina turned to look at Snow.

 

“The pictures. I miss them, too,” she said, and the smile she gave Regina actually made her give in.

 

“Only the pictures,” she said as she held the phone out, raising her eyebrow in warning, giving Snow the same look she used on Henry when she needed him to know she was serious.

 

Henry at least had the decency to look like he was scared of the look. Snow just beamed and took the phone, her finger swiping against the screen before Regina had even let go of it.

 

Regina watched Snow carefully, to make sure she didn’t look deeper than she had permission to, and out of genuine curiosity, wondering what was going through her head. She was working something up, that much was clear, but Regina could not tell what.

 

Snow smirked, paused on a picture of Emma looking as though she was ready to throttle somebody.

 

“They chased her into the lake and made her drop her phone. Why she was on it while they were by the water is beyond me, but as you may have guessed, both she and the phone are okay.”

 

Snow nodded silently, smiling at the next five or six pictures and then silently handing back the phone, not even making a comment. It made Regina’s curiosity double. But Snow sat back and started rocking the swing, happily content with whatever had satisfied her need to know everything.

 

Regina, on the other hand, was not satisfied and wanted to know what Snow was thinking.

 

“Well?” she snapped out, sounding impatient.

 

Snow patted Regina’s hand and smiled. “Nothing. She looks like she is having a good time.”

 

 _“They_ are.”

 

Snow raised an eyebrow. “Almost all of those pictures are of Emma by herself,” she pointed out.

 

And...

 

And...

 

Well...

 

Regina searched for something to say, but Snow beat her to it.

 

“I can see why you were smiling, though. She looks happy. Perhaps a little more concerned with sending you pictures, but definitely happy.”

 

And Regina just sat quietly after that, her stomach feeling tight as she avoided Snow’s annoyingly knowing smile.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma slid her camping gear off her shoulders and let the bag fall down onto the foyer floor with a _thud_ that sounded loud in the quiet house. Emma removed her boots and wet socks, and then walked up the stairs on quiet feet. The house felt strangely empty – and bigger than it usually did – but it was still home, and exactly where Emma wanted to be.

 

Her eyes scanned the rooms she passed, looking for life – for Regina. She hadn’t thought to warn her that she was coming back, but she had spoken to her mother on her way from the woods and knew Regina was supposed to be home. But as she made her way to the second floor, she didn’t hear anything that suggested that was true. It was too quiet.

 

For a brief moment, Emma wondered if maybe Regina was taking a nap. But before she could even truly consider it, a sound caught her attention and she felt her feet quickly moving towards Regina’s bedroom.

 

“Regina?” Emma called out, and then the sound met her ears again, louder this time, making Emma’s stomach churn.

 

“Go away,” Regina grumbled from behind the closed the door that led to her bathroom, and then Emma heard it again.  
  
  
Regina was vomiting, and as much as the sound made Emma want to throw up herself, she continued into the room and gently knocked on the bathroom door. “You okay in there?” she asked softly – which was a stupid question, and Regina, of course, would probably tell her so.

 

“Do I _sound_ okay to you?” Regina spat back, and then groaned miserably, sounding terrible.

 

“Yeah, not really,” she said, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Can I– Do you, maybe, need something? Can I get you something?”

 

But Regina didn’t answer Emma. The sickening sound started again, and instead of turning away and getting away from it like Emma’s sensitive stomach was telling her to do, she opened the bathroom door.

 

Slumped over the toilet, on her knees on the bathroom floor, was Regina. Emma hurried over to her, not really sure what to do but feeling a strong need to do _something_ to help.

 

Were you supposed to rub the back or pat it?

 

Did she give Regina some water to drink? Or would she want some mouthwash? Maybe some tea...?

 

Emma frowned, considering options.

 

But Regina loudly being sick reminded her it was not the time for thinking. She needed to actually do something.

 

So she did.

 

Regina was holding her hair to the side with one hand, so Emma took it into her own, gathering all of it until it fit in her fist and was away from Regina’s face. It sounded like Regina was trying to tell her to leave again, but Emma wasn’t just going to walk away. Regina was clutching the toilet and possibly getting rid of a monster from the sounds she was making, and Emma wasn’t just going to leave her alone. Regina wouldn’t have left her – then again, Regina would also know what to do instead of awkwardly hovering over Regina and holding her hair.

 

She decided to go with back rubbing, thought what Regina needed was to be soothed. She wasn’t choking, so patting her sounded unnecessary. And when Regina quieted down and was mostly just breathing heavily, toilet flushed but Regina not moving away, Emma figured the slow circles she drew on Regina’s back were at least helping a little.

 

She only stopped when she went to get some toilet paper. She wrapped a bundle around her hand and then dropped down to her knees beside Regina, breathing through her mouth because the air smelt gross. “Come here,” she said, finger underneath Regina’s chin to make her turn her face.

 

“Why are you still in here?” Regina groaned, but she didn’t stop Emma from wiping around her mouth. She didn’t look like she had the energy to fight.

 

“Sshh.” Emma cleaned her face up and then threw the tissue into the toilet. Regina was sweaty and her skin felt feverish. Emma ran her fingers through Regina’s hair and moved it all back, slowly brushing her fingers all the way down to the nape of the brunette’s neck. “Shh,” she shushed again when Regina opened her mouth to speak.

 

Emma looked around the bathroom and spotted the towel rack. She pulled herself up to her feet and picked out the smallest washcloth. If it wasn’t for all the times she had followed Regina around the house while Regina was getting ready and Emma was trying to talk to her, she wouldn’t have had a clue which to pick. There were too many towels, too many washcloths, and all for one person.

 

She got the cloth wet with cool water, filled up a plastic cup with some of the water, and then grabbed the mouthwash. She brought it all back to Regina, who was watching Emma with eyes that were curious but a face that looked exhausted.

 

“I’m fine,” Regina tried as Emma settled back down beside her, but even those two words dragged.

 

Emma rolled her eyes and put the mouthwash down on the floor. “Shut up and let me help,” Emma said. “Let me see you walk in on Henry throwing up and turn around because he’s ‘fine’. Stop being so stubborn all the time.”

 

Regina narrowed her eyes, but she took the water Emma gave her and used it to rinse out her mouth. Emma waited for her to spit the water into the toilet before she gave her a small smile and passed over the mouthwash. As Regina took care of that, Emma took the cool cloth and wiped Regina’s sweaty forehead.

 

Regina sighed, her eyes closing for a moment. “Emma,” she breathed out.

 

“Shh. You know, you can let me do things without protesting first. It is allowed." Emma stroked Regina’s cheek slowly, and smiled when Regina’s eyes blinked open to look at her. “Can I continue?”

 

“If I say no, will you stop?”

 

Emma sighed, but she nodded her head. “Yes.”

 

Regina looked at her thoughtfully, silently, and then put her hand on Emma’s and gave her permission to go on. “You may continue.”

 

And so Emma wiped the cool cloth across Regina’s face and neck as Regina watched her, neither of them saying a word. Emma did this until the washcloth no longer felt cool, and then she got up and walked over to the sink and started the process over.

 

Regina was wearing a sleeveless blouse with buttons, a rich plum that contrasted nicely with her sun-kissed skin. The first couple of buttons were undone, revealing her sweaty chest and a hint of black lace. Emma ignored the lace and dragged the cool cloth down from Regina’s neck to her sternum, squeezing it a little so the water droplets dripped down to the skin that was hidden from Emma’s eyes. She chewed on her lip in concentration and repeated the action on the other side of Regina’s neck, letting the water slide down her skin so she could follow it with the cloth.

 

“What are you doing here?” Regina questioned raspily.

 

Emma paused what she was doing and looked up to look at Regina. “Wanna know a secret?”

 

Regina merely responded with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I _really_ hate camping.”

 

Regina made a small noise in her throat. “Is that so? Tell me more about your sordid life, such a riveting secret.”

 

Emma grinned as she tucked a few strands of hair behind Regina’s ear that had fallen forward again. “I see you’re feeling better.”

 

Regina hummed and shrugged her shoulders slightly. “A little. Thank you.”

 

“Or maybe not,” Emma said as she stood up. “You actually thanked me for something. You might still be sick.”

 

“Ha ha,” Regina said dryly, turning so she was leaning against the closest wall to her. “Is Henry all right?”

 

Emma nodded, walking over to the sink. “Everything was fine. I just...” Emma paused, biting her lip, unsure if she should tell Regina that the main reason she had come back was because she had missed her.

 

“Couldn’t stay away, could you?” Regina asked in a teasing tone from behind her.

 

Emma looked over her shoulder, and although it had been in her tone, there were no signs of that teasing in her eyes. It was almost like she _knew_ why Emma had come home, like she knew Emma had missed her. So Emma smiled and, with a wink, said, “Not a chance.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“What on Earth are you doing?” Regina asked when Emma entered the bathroom with a shopping bag full of bottles – after only going down to the kitchen for a few minutes.

 

Emma smiled sheepishly as she dropped the bag on the floor and started emptying it. “Okay. So I didn’t know what you needed, but I know you need fluids. I brought some water – regular and seltzer – and orange juice, and ginger ale, and–”

 

Regina bit the corner of her lip to stop the smile on her mouth from growing too wide. “Is that Pedialyte?”

 

Emma ducked her head, her hair falling down in a blonde curtain. Regina leaned forward and tucked it behind her ear, making Emma look up at her slowly. “It works for the kids,” she said softly.

 

Regina forgot herself and let her smile grow, damned her stupid rules, and let Emma see how much she appreciated all the effort she was putting in, appreciated how hard she was trying. She stroked Emma’s cheek with her thumb and watched as long lashes fluttered and Emma sighed. Her stomach flipped and twisted and went absolutely wild as she saw the beautiful smile that stretched across Emma’s lips. She had a beauty capable of stealing one’s breath right from their lungs, and that was exactly how Regina felt looking at Emma – breathless.

 

“Thank you for all of this, for caring about me,” Regina whispered, and it wasn’t meant for just that moment. She wanted to thank Emma for all the moments she never had thanked her for, all the times Emma showed how much Regina meant to her. Emma deserved to be appreciated more, and Regina wanted to be the one to do it.

 

“Anytime,” Emma whispered, the word shaky as she opened her eyes to look into Regina’s, staring into them like she was getting pulled in by something too strong to escape.

 

Regina let her fingers caress Emma’s cheek as she pulled away, greedily taking what she could from the moment and then curling her hand into a fist and putting it in her lap. Emma smiled at Regina and then finished pulling out the rest of the bottles she’d brought up. Regina could picture her moving back forth in the kitchen, intent on bringing the right thing but not knowing what it was.

 

After Regina had drunk some of the Pedialyte, as well as some of the ginger ale, Emma settled down on the floor and let out a quiet breath. “Feeling any better?”

 

While her stomach still felt a little unsettled, and she was still overheated, she did feel much better. So she nodded in response. “Quite.”

 

“Good. That’s good.”

 

Regina hummed slowly. “You don’t have to sit in here with me, Emma.”

 

Emma turned to look at her and smiled. “Yeah, I know. But you said you’re not ready to leave, so I’m not going anywhere. Nausea passes. I can wait.”

 

Regina didn’t say anything else, and neither did Emma. She sat with Regina until Regina was feeling like her normal self – if not a little warmer than usual. They cleaned up the bathroom, and Emma made her take a shower. Regina decided not to fight her on it, for she knew a shower would make her feel less sticky in her silk blouse and trousers. After her shower, Regina changed into a pair of sleeping shorts and a matching camisole and felt much cooler.

 

Emma knocked on the door a little while after she was finished. “Snow said she feels fine,” she said when she entered the bedroom, carrying a laptop, her phone, and chargers. "Ah. So that's what you sleep in. Nice."

 

Regina glanced over her shoulder with curiosity. When Emma said she would be back, she didn’t expect her to be bringing anything back with her. She had thought Emma would just come back to check on her, probably to make sure Regina had really followed her instructions about the shower and washing her hair.

 

“Your mother’s probably immune to her terrible cooking by now.”

 

Emma cracked a smile and put everything down on Regina’s bed. “Or maybe it’s that bug that’s going around town like I said it was,” Emma suggested like it was the obvious choice. “Didn't you say your assistant was sick with a stomach thing? And so was that dude you met with yesterday. You probably just have that.”

 

Regina turned back to the window, watching the sun as it set behind the trees. “Your mother is still a terrible cook,” Regina declared. “I don’t know why I allowed her to make lunch for us.”

 

Emma acknowledged her with a small sound in her throat, but that was all.

 

Regina turned around and watched Emma, watched Emma set up her laptop on Regina’s bed, plug it in, and then smile at Regina wide and big like she was up to something. Regina raised an eyebrow, but Emma didn’t respond to her silent question.

 

A few minutes later, Emma was pulling off her shirt and climbing into Regina’s bed. And, well, surely Regina was supposed to do something more than stare at Emma. Right?

 

Emma laughed and pulled her laptop on her lap. “It’s hot. Don’t make me wear that. I made sure I was wearing a bra that covered everything for you. That should get me somewhere. And I put on shorts. That’s progress.”

 

Regina’s stomach flipped – again, because Emma could cause that feeling easier than she had any right to be able to.

 

Her throat felt dry, and suddenly swallowing was more difficult than it usually was.

 

Emma raised her eyes, and then her brow. “You gonna stand there all night? Or you gonna get in bed and watch stuff with me?”

 

Regina took in a slow breath, the mind-clearing kind. “You are aware most people don’t make themselves at home in someone else’s bed without being invited?”

 

Emma gave her a crooked smile. “Tell that to Goldilocks.”

 

“You are aware that the real Goldilocks was eaten by–”

 

“La la la la la.” Emma covered her ears and shook her head, giving Regina this look that screamed _‘Don’t you dare!’_ and made Regina chuckle. “Get in this bed, woman, or I’m going to make you watch the most ridiculous show I can find.”

 

And so Regina did, not because she worried about Emma’s taste in television shows, but because there was something oddly _not_ strange about Emma Swan being in her bed.

 

Regina left a decent amount of space between them, enough for the pillows she put there to be safe. “What are we watching?”

 

Emma shrugged, opening up a streaming site. “Your choice. Every time I try to make a suggestion, you always turn it down.”

 

“Your suggestion is usually the same show,” Regina pointed out, getting comfortable on the bed. She crossed her legs at the ankles and leaned her elbow against the pillows. (What were those there for, anyway? She didn’t need a physical barricade to remember to keep to her side of the bed.)

 

Emma gave her a rather serious look as she said, “That’s because I know you would love it. Xena is right up your alley. As Gabrielle said herself, Xena’s seeking a redemption she won’t allow herself – I figured that’s something you would like, maybe even be able to relate to. You have badass women kicking ass and fighting for good together. The friendship/love story between Xena and Gabrielle is still one of the most organic and most beautiful ones out there between two women.

 

“I didn’t think I would like it either when Lily made me watch it – it has its moments of being completely ridiculous and unrealistic. But... I gave it a try, and I’m telling you, if you don’t sit here and critique everything, you’ll love it. Why don’t you just trust me on it?”

 

And because Regina was feeling grateful for Emma’s earlier efforts, she said, “Okay. Put it on.”

 

“Seriously?” Emma said excitedly.

 

Regina felt the corners of her lips pulling into a smile as she tilted her head back to look at Emma. “Yes. Seriously.”

 

Regina was prepared not to like it, to be completely bored. She would be able to say she gave it a try, and then they could watch something else. But, several hours later, they were on the fourth episode of the show and Regina felt like she was paying closer attention than Emma was.

 

Regina carefully looked out of the corner of her eye, tilting her head slowly. Emma smiled down at her, already looking at her. Regina felt her eyes narrow slightly, suspiciously. “Emma...”

 

Emma bit the corner of her lip and turned away.

 

But not even a minute later, probably only a few seconds, Regina felt Emma’s eyes on her again. She didn’t look up this time. Instead, Regina lifted her hand and felt for Emma’s face, fingers sliding down Emma’s cheek until she reached her chin. She turned Emma’s head the proper way.

 

“Stop watching me.”

 

By the time the fourth episode was done, Regina had caught Emma looking at her so many times she decided to just let her.

 

“Another one?” Emma asked.

 

“Not if you’re not going to watch it with me,” Regina said as she yawned behind her hand.

 

“Or maybe you need sleep,” Emma suggested, but Regina quickly disagreed. “Okay. You still comfortable? We can move around a little.”

 

Regina sat up slowly, her side aching from being twisted for hours. “We should have done this in the living room,” she murmured as she stretched her arms up and twisted at the waist.

 

Emma moved the laptop to the foot of the bed and then got up on her knees. “Or you could have not picked the most painful way to sit,” Emma suggested, sticking her tongue out with a teasing sparkle in her eyes twinkling in the dimly-lit room. “Lie down on your side. It’ll reverse the pain.”

 

Regina raised a skeptical eyebrow.

 

“You need to stretch it out,” Emma told her, moving the pillows aside and waiting for her to do as she was told.

 

Regina hesitated to follow the simple instruction, but once she did, she felt an immediate change.

 

“Told you so,” Emma said with a smirk.

 

Regina gently shoved Emma and closed her eyes. “Don’t make me kick you out of my bed, Emma Swan,” she said in what was supposed to be a threatening tone but ended up just sounding a little tired and husky.

 

“Like you ever would,” Emma said confidently.

 

And Regina didn’t respond to that, because how could she ever kick Emma out of her bed?

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what it is about the 5th chapters, but this is the second time in a row that I ended up getting stuck on chapter 5. Both times it was the chapters I looked forward to getting to the most, and both times I ended up not even writing about what I wanted to write. (Sadly, Emma's magic will have to wait until later.)
> 
> Anyway. A million thanks to Kez for being INCREDIBLE as I struggled with this. Your support and listening ear are the only reason I made it through the hell this chapter put me through. 
> 
> Anyway, SUPER late, here's Day 5...

**sleeping**

 

When Emma woke up, it was with a strong feeling that something was different. It was not necessarily a bad feeling, she decided as her brain started to clear away the sleep fog, but something certainly was out of the ordinary. That did not stop her from trying to bury her head in her pillows like she normally would when she woke up in the middle of the night. However, the hair that tickled her nose and made it itch did make her drowsy brain finally realize exactly what was different.

 

Emma reached up to her face and scratched her nose as her eyes opened to the sight of dark hair and the gentle slope of Regina’s shoulder, the pale moonlight highlighting the curvature of the bone beneath skin that looked remarkably smooth. She was still in Regina’s bedroom, and even more importantly, still in her bed.

 

She vaguely remembered falling asleep in the middle of episode five or six, but not much else. After they had laid down together, most of the night was a blur to Emma. She remembered Regina drifting off, claiming she wasn’t that tired. She remembered teasing her about it and being glared at even as Regina smirked sleepily. She remembered not wanting to leave and Regina fighting sleep to keep their marathon going. But how she had ended up underneath cover, her laptop no longer where it had been before, and Regina tucked into her was a complete mystery.

 

And that was what was different about the night, not just where she slept, but _how_ she slept.

 

It hadn’t been much more than a week since she woke up with Regina sleeping with her in her own bed down the hall from the one she was currently in, and Emma still remembered the pull inside her that made her want to get closer to Regina. Regina had allowed her then, Emma remembered, but she couldn’t be sure if Regina was even aware that Emma was holding her in her sleep.

 

She could feel the smooth skin of Regina’s back on her stomach because of how Regina’s shirt had ridden up a few inches, hear the faint sounds she made in her sleep, and all Emma could think about was how _intimate_ it all felt. It was quiet and still, her rapidly beating heart as she took in everything the only thing moving quickly. It was calm, and she could easily close her eyes and sink into the warmth that spilled from Regina’s body, the inviting warmth that called to her, encouraged her to move closer, pull Regina tighter to her. But as much as she wanted to close her eyes back and fall asleep, content with the way it felt to have Regina in her arms, she couldn’t help but think that it was too much.

 

Her conversation with David in the woods had quieted some of the doubts she had, but she still felt like Regina could be pushed away with one wrong move. There needed to be some type of balance, some type of line drawn to keep her from losing out on everything just because she was being greedy. The way Regina pushed and pulled, gave but wouldn’t take everything Emma offered, gave Emma a reason to hold on to some of her doubt. Maybe Regina did enjoy having her around as much as Emma wanted to be near her, but that didn’t mean she wanted everything else Emma found she wanted with Regina.

 

And what Emma wanted was to hold Regina close to her and surrender to the pull she felt. She wanted to wrap her arm around Regina’s middle and feel Regina fall into her. She wanted to make her sigh, one of those sighs she tried to keep silent but never really could, the ones she made when she just relaxed and breathed, nothing more. She wanted to be the reason Regina Mills, Queen of Tension, could _melt_ within seconds.

 

She wanted this, waking up in the middle of the night and being surrounded by the smell of Regina’s skin and shampoo. She had known from the day they napped together that she liked being surrounded by the scent of coconut as she slept, felt comforted waking up and finding Regina beside her. But waking up in the middle of the night with their bodies curled together? It was _extra._ It felt safe and right, like there was no other way to fall asleep or wake up. Regina fit against Emma as though she belonged there. Emma wanted that to be true. She wanted Regina.

 

She had thought that it might be a passing feeling, or something she was reading into far more than was necessary, but every moment she spent with Regina just kept pushing Emma to see the truth of her feelings.

 

Her head spun with her thoughts, too many at once. Regina was too close, too warm, too _right where she belonged_ for Emma.

 

Emma wanted to bury her head not in the pillows but the crook of Regina’s neck, breathe in and know that she could stay there as long as she wanted. But Emma didn’t have that privilege, wasn’t even sure Regina would be okay with the way they had somehow gravitated to the middle of the bed and into each other. So Emma knew that what was best was for her to move away. She would not leave, but she thought the space might be a good idea until she had a better understanding of what it was Regina wanted.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina was not fully awake when she felt something tickling her stomach. But when she reached down to brush it away and felt fingers on her, suddenly she was alert and ready to take off somebody’s hand. Her own hand tightened around the one that had been touching her, squeezing it with magical pressure that increased her already tight grip as she quickly opened her eyes.

 

“Ow ow ow ow,” Emma cried from behind her, face contorting with pain as she tried to shake her hand free. “Jesus Fucking Christ, Regina. It’s just me.”

 

Regina’s hand loosened immediately, and the flood of heated anger and discomfort that had filled her body easily slipped away. It was just Emma. She didn’t need to panic and expect the worst when Emma touched her. She did not need to protect herself.

 

It was just Emma.

 

Regina blinked slowly as she looked over her shoulder at Emma. “What were you doing?” she asked with a touch of accusation in her voice, her heart still beating a little faster than it normally would.

 

“You mean besides almost losing a hand?” Emma asked with a wry chuckle. “Dammit, Regina. You could’ve seriously broken a bone or something.”

 

Regina felt a small twinge of guilt. “Give it here, you big baby,” she said, but softly, gentle with her touch as she took the hand Emma was rubbing into her own and massaged it with her fingers. She twisted on her side so she could better see Emma in the dark room, met her eyes as she told her: “It’s fine.”

 

Emma sighed as Regina soothed the blonde’s pain, drawing deep circles into her skin. She wiggled her hand in Regina’s, perhaps testing out her fingers to make sure Regina had not caused any damage, and then her eyes fell shut. She didn’t pull her hand away, however, so Regina kept rubbing slowly. She felt the bones beneath warm skin, followed them with her fingers, watched the way Emma’s facial muscles relaxed and her jaw slackened ever so slightly.

 

It was a beautiful sight, Emma sinking deeper and deeper into some type of tranquility that Regina was providing with each stroke of her fingers. It was so beautiful that Regina found herself unable to look away for a moment, her fingers drawing long lines up and down the back of Emma’s hand and deep circles with her thumb in the middle of Emma’s palm. There was no sign that Regina had accidentally hurt her, just bliss and pleasure washing over her like a slow wave.

 

But it was only for a moment that Regina allowed herself to unabashedly watch as Emma seemed to unfold. At the sound of a small noise in Emma’s throat, caught somewhere between a moan and a hum, Regina’s grasp loosened and she dropped Emma’s hand. She had indulged more than she should have as it was – having Emma in her bed throughout the night was already more than she should allow herself – so continuing to rub and hold Emma’s hand when there was no longer any reason to, that would just be Regina giving in more. And perhaps this was the moment Regina needed to stop that.

 

Perhaps this was the moment she needed to remind herself no good would come from their relationship developing any further. Except, she was no longer certain that she believed that. The more time spent trying to convince herself that things would not work out, that her friendship with Emma would be ruined because of the inevitable hurt she would cause, and the more times she tried to drill into her head the idea that an unpleasant ending was the only option, the more Emma made her believe that none of it was true.

 

Lately, Emma had been a little _more_ – and Regina was not completely certain what that meant. Normally, she was able to work through her thoughts with ease, yes, but she had been unable to file any of her recent observations away with a precise description label. _More._ It was vague but fitting. She was aware that Emma touched her more often, reached for her hand more often. They had been developing a rather close relationship that included far more physical touch than Regina had with most, but in the last week or so there had been an undeniable increase in the contact between them. It had multiplied, doubled at the very least.

 

Emma’s hands lingered longer, fingers sliding across Regina’s skin, holding her sometimes. Her touch felt more intimate, no trace of uncertainty when she took Regina’s hand into her own, no pausing when she had drawn nonsensical shapes and lines onto Regina’s skin absently when they watched a movie with Henry the other night and they sat beside each other in the dark room. There were moments when Emma sometimes reached out for her and then pulled away and quickly started doing something else, as though she hadn’t been about to lay her hand upon some part of Regina’s body. But even those moments felt like they meant something, like they were meant to be looked at underneath a microscope so Regina could better understand what was happening between them.

 

She was used to Emma finding excuses to touch her, and secretly was thrilled by it each time, but she wondered if there was a reason for the increase in Emma’s desire to have that physical connection between them. It was certainly making it more difficult for Regina to convince herself that Emma did not share a lot of Regina’s own wants, that Emma would not at least be open to some of the things Regina continuously tried to convince herself Emma would not be okay with.

 

Something was changing between them, and Regina could not tell exactly what it was. She gave it a lot of thought, thought about how as she was constantly taking one step forward and then two back, Emma was moving towards her rather quickly. Regina felt as though Emma was moving closer and closer to her and had no wish to stop. It was tempting, and there were moments she wanted to rush to meet Emma halfway – it was during these moments that Regina noticed that her self-restraint was nearly non-existent, but it was also when she was not sure she actually needed it.

 

Her voice of reason was what told her she needed to step back and stay back, while what she felt inside for Emma, in her heart, pushed her forward. It was the conflicting feelings that tried to drive her decisions that caused her to push and pull, to give in and then pull back. Regina noticed it and found herself unable to stop most times, was no longer confident she knew which part of herself knew what was best. And she knew Emma noticed it as well, knew that her indecisions were obvious, even if not understood for what they were by Emma.

 

However, none of it stopped Emma from trying to give more of herself to Regina. It did not stop the precious moments they shared that Regina cherished and fought against simultaneously. Emma continued opening herself to Regina, continued revealing little things that Regina hadn’t known. While part of Regina wished Emma would stop trying, would stop unknowingly feeding the need buried inside Regina, that part was minute compared to the part of Regina that loved that Emma had chosen _her,_ chosen Regina to share her life with, to share parts of herself that she had been keeping from other people. Of all the people Emma could have chosen, she picked Regina, and that meant quite a lot to Regina.

 

So when Regina turned her back towards Emma and laid down properly without saying a word to her, it was because of the constant battle she found herself in, an internal battle where she was unsure which part of her was making the most sense, her head or her heart. She normally let her head guide her. She thought herself a rational woman, and she spared no time when it came to thinking things through. But some feelings were hard to ignore, were stronger than any thought ever could be. Sometimes, emotions ran so deeply inside of Regina that she could not simply shove them aside and blindly follow what her head told her to do. What she felt for Emma was like that, layered emotions that still stood strong after every mental attack against them. What she felt was not going away, had not lessened any – in fact, the love and adoration that Emma inspired in her had probably grown stronger in recent weeks.

 

Regina tried to close her eyes and shut her brain down, but in all her years, Regina had never truly been able to accomplish that. Her brain was loud and always active, decisions she needed to make being worked through a hundred times over before she made her next move sometimes.

 

She tried to relax, and, at the very least, breathe.

 

_Inhale._

 

_Exhale._

 

_Inhale._

 

_Exhale._

 

But her breathing exercises did her no good when she could feel Emma behind her, looking at her. She could feel Emma’s presence, feel Emma’s questioning gaze on her – even as Emma said nothing to her. And perhaps it was the silence that gave away that something was definitely going on inside of Emma’s head as well.

 

Regina breathed out softly. “Emma,” she whispered, just her name, just enough to catch the blonde’s attention. It was all she said, and all that she needed to say.

 

And then she heard it, Emma’s answering breath. It was a soft exhalation in the quiet bedroom as Emma shuffled on the bed. Regina could feel the mattress moving, Emma shifting, the soft sheet brushing against her skin as Emma pulled it up over the both of them and laid down properly. And then she exhaled again, letting a long stream of air out.

 

Regina waited for Emma to settle completely, and then she curled into herself and tried relaxing again, tried falling asleep. It was silent for several long moments, and the sleep that she had been pulled away from earlier was just out of reach. She could feel her body drifting away, calm, tension leaving her.

 

But then Emma breathed out again, and Regina groaned quietly in response. Emma had a terrible, terrible habit of making noises – loud breaths, fingers tapping, clicking sounds with pens – when she was trying to get Regina’s attention, when there was something she wanted to talk about but had not figured out how to start the conversation herself. And while Regina understood Emma’s inability to just say what was on her mind when it was clearly something difficult for her to put into words, for she herself was no better at starting conversations that dealt with her emotions, did not actually make a habit of opening up to people, she wished Emma would find a way to get Regina’s attention that did not include noises that made something inside of her want to snap.

 

So Regina took a deep breath of her own, a calming one that normally helped settle her when she needed it, and said to Emma, simple and soft, “Say it.”

 

And Emma ‘hmm’ed in response. “Say what?” she questioned, as though she was completely oblivious.

 

Regina was usually patient with Emma – most of the time – but it was the middle of the night, and she would prefer getting back to sleep sooner rather than later. So she let out an exaggerated breath of her own and said, peeking over her shoulder, “Emma, I’m not a mind reader. Clearly, there is something you wish to discuss. So either you let it out, or you go to sleep. But for the love of God, would you please stop with those obnoxious noises.”

 

Emma let out a huff of a breath and mumbled an apology as she rolled away from Regina. Her absence was felt immediately, the sheet pulling away from Regina a little and exposing her skin to the air that felt much cooler without Emma’s body heat next to her.

 

Emma fixed the sheet and mumbled another apology under her breath, her head hitting the pillow heavily. “Goodnight,” she muttered.

 

Regina could have laid her own head back down and shut her eyes and tried to fall back to sleep. She could have left the moment as it was and appreciated the silence. But as much as she wanted to, there was something annoyingly determined inside of her to make sure Emma was all right. She knew she would not be able to sleep, let alone feel anything close to relaxed, if Emma laid beside her, clearly upset and most likely not sleeping either. There was something on Emma’s mind that she wanted to talk about, this Regina could sense without Emma telling her so, and Regina rather they talk than let it sit between them and make things uncomfortable when they needn’t be.

 

Rolling over onto her side so she was facing the back of Emma’s head, Regina licked her lips. “I’m listening,” she prompted in a soft voice.

 

There was no response at first, nothing but silence in the bedroom. But Regina waited in that silence, waited until Emma pulled the pillow from underneath her head and held it in her arms instead. And then with a tired breath, she said, “It’s nothing, really.”

 

Regina refrained from growling in frustration. _Patience,_ she reminded herself; she needed to be patient with her – _could_ be patient with Emma. “What is ‘nothing, really’, Emma?” she asked, and her voice was quiet in the room.

 

Perhaps that would make it easier for Emma to speak. They weren’t facing each other; it was quiet and dark.

 

Emma took a while, but soon she exhaled a breath and started speaking. “I think there’s something we should talk about. But then I think about it, and, I don’t know, maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe this is something that I should just keep in, you know? Because once it’s out there, it’s out there. There’s no taking it back. Maybe this is something that shouldn’t be, uh, out there.”

 

Regina tensed ever so slightly beside Emma, but it went unnoticed.

 

“It’s just...” Emma let out a long breath, and then a low groan into the pillow she was still holding onto. “I was talking to David yesterday, and... You know what? Never mind. I was right. This isn’t something that needs to be put into words. Let’s just go to sleep. Why are we not–”

 

“Stop rambling,” Regina said as she forced herself to relax, to take one of her steadying breaths. Following Emma’s train of thought was rather difficult sometimes, but it was nearly impossible when she wasn’t even finishing said thoughts aloud, when most of what she said made very little sense.

 

Emma stopped immediately and buried her head in her pillow, mumbling words Regina didn’t even bother trying to understand. It was clear that she was currently dealing with her own internal battle, part of her wanting to say something to Regina while the other thought it was best to keep it in. Regina could not tell from the mess Emma had just made of her words what it was that she might want to say, what she worried might not be a good idea to put into words, to reveal to Regina. While that uncertainty might have made someone else more curious, it made Regina want Emma to keep whatever it was to herself, aware that some things were better left unsaid. Conflicting that very thought, however, part of Regina wanted Emma to let out whatever it was, wanted to put an end to Emma’s inner turmoil.

 

Regina did not know what she should do, knew she was not being helpful while she just laid there, looking at the back of Emma’s head. She wanted to apologize for that, because Emma somehow always found a way to do _something_ for Regina in times like this, even if it was not what Regina exactly needed. She also wanted to just yank the information from Emma, get it out there so Emma wouldn’t sound so distraught.

 

She chose instead to tentatively reach out, hand hovering over Emma’s shoulder, her back, and then moving to her hair. She softly stroked the back of her head, and Regina saw Emma relax almost instantly.

 

Regina did not consider stopping after the first few strokes, even though Emma released one of her soft breaths she made when she was contented. Once she started, she did not think about moving her hand away. She just ran her fingers through Emma’s hair, lightly scratched her scalp, touched her softly, let her own eyes close as she followed the repetitive motion in her mind, up and down strokes, silky strands of hair slipping between her fingers.

 

After a while, she could feel the calm settle in the room, hear it in the pattern of Emma’s soft breaths. It brought a small smile to her lips, the way Emma could be soothed by her touch. The moment felt so light that Regina thought that she could possibly fall asleep, her fingers absently playing with Emma’s hair until she drifted off.

 

But then Emma said, words almost lost in her slow breath, “I wish you would stop pulling away from me.”

 

And everything was almost ruined – the quiet, the peace, the connection between them – because the voice inside her head told her to do it, do it then, pull away from Emma. There was something open and honest about Emma that she thought she needed to run from – but it was her self-sabotaging nature, and she recognized it immediately.

 

So Regina did the opposite. She didn’t pull away from Emma. She moved closer.

 

She let her hand slide across Emma’s back as she whispered, a plea in her voice to be believed, “I’m not going to.”

 

She’d thought it many times before, that around Emma she felt softer. It was something she thought she needed to hide, but perhaps she should embrace it instead. It was not as if the more tender parts of herself had not existed before, it was that she no longer felt that she needed to keep them protected. With Emma, Regina did not feel the need to have so many walls up. They were still there, yes, but there were a lot less of them.

 

Her walls were breaking down, crumbling, falling apart here and there. There were holes and openings she made, a window for Emma to look through, a door for her to open. Sometimes Regina would board them up; sometimes she would keep herself hidden behind her walls, to protect herself and those around her. But not this time. She let Emma see the softness, brushed her fingers over Emma’s skin so tenderly that it almost made _her_ shiver.

 

She’d spent so long not wanting to be seen as weak, not wanting anyone to even associate the term with her. She had thought of this softness as a weakness, the deep love she was capable of as a weakness, and her ability to feel so strongly as harmful to her. But those were ideas she was working on leaving in the past, and she now knew that softness did not equate to weakness. She could be soft and strong; she could be open and emotional, and she could let Emma see her. There were still things she kept hidden, feelings she thought best to keep to herself, thoughts not to be voiced out of fear that it would cause her to lose what she had with Emma. But she was certainly far less guarded than she had been in the past.

 

She might not have let it all out, but she did lick her lips and quietly tell Emma, “I’m not going to pull away from you anymore. I’m not.” The words caught a little in her throat, her decision to ignore the voices in her head and follow what she felt for Emma inside her making her heart beat with extra force. “I–” She cleared her throat. “I am aware that I do sometimes, I know that. But not now.”

 

Emma turned around suddenly, and it was almost too much for Regina. Because Emma was only inches away from her, and she was smiling softly at Regina like she wanted to believe her, a smile full of so much hope that her eyes twinkled with it in the silver moonlight. It made Regina want to do something she knew she shouldn’t. Her blood rushed and she felt a little dizzy as her eyes danced across Emma’s face, looked into her eyes, and then took the inevitable drop back down to her smiling lips. The curve of her mouth, the hope, the way Emma smiled at her...

 

Regina wanted to lean forward and brush her lips across Emma’s, wanted to kiss her, whisper words to her that she could not say to her in full volume. She felt as though her breath might be coming a little faster. Her fingers itched to touch, to feel, to hold Emma.

 

It took everything in her not to give in to the desire to move forward. She had to ball her hand into a fist and press her nails into her palm, close her eyes for a second and take a steadying breath. “I am aware that I do sometimes pull away from you,” she whispered, reminding herself of what she needed to get out, opening her eyes slowly. “My actions might come across as confusing when I pull away after I just– after we move forward together. There have been many times when I opened up and then instantly retreated. I would like to apologize for that. It’s unfair to you, especially when you’ve done nothing to deserve me pushing you away. I’m sorry.”

 

Emma shook her head and nibbled at the corner of her lower lip for a second. “It’s who you are, Regina. It might not be all that easy, but...” She smiled lightly at Regina. “It’s who you are. I understand that.”

 

“It–” She let out a slow breath. “Yes, it is,” Regina agreed regretfully.

 

Emma lowered her eyes a little as she said, “It’s to protect yourself.”

 

Regina wanted to disagree, tell Emma it wasn’t, but in a way, Regina knew it was. Emma knew her too well. So she said nothing.

 

Soft fingers touched her face a moment later, caressed her cheek with the lightest of pressures. Regina’s heart _lub bub lub bub lub bubed_ harshly as she tried to stay steady, tried to keep herself from crumbling beneath Emma’s soft touch. She was afraid that everything she was feeling would be revealed in her face, in her eyes, all the feelings that swirled inside of her like a dangerous tornado. Emma’s hand was so warm and her touch so... _loving._ Regina wanted to close her eyes and let the warmth seep into her skin and fill her body, wanted to fall into the moment and Emma.

 

“We can work on it together,” Emma said, turning her fingers over and running her knuckles across Regina’s cheekbone.

 

She put her hand on top of Emma’s to stop her, afraid of how easily she could melt beneath her touch. She felt strangely fragile, and she knew not how she could withstand the outpour of love that she was on the receiving end of, given so casually, so easily. The dam that kept her most private feelings for Emma from flowing out, Regina was afraid, was on the verge of breaking – but even though she wanted to make an effort, stop pulling away, she didn’t think it was wise to let any of those emotions free.

 

She took Emma’s hand and held it in her own, safer, but still enough to make her chest feel warm when Emma smiled and brushed her thumb across Regina’s knuckles. “I can work on it,” Regina said with confidence and determination, her voice a little raspy from the emotions that were going wild inside of her and trying to escape. “I can work on not pulling away, not creating an emotional distance between us so often. I can work on that for you.”

 

“For, for me?”

 

Regina’s cheeks warmed when Emma brought attention to the words that had slipped out of Regina’s mouth without her meaning to let them. However, she didn’t take them back. “For you, and for myself – for us.”

 

And there was a brief moment where it looked as though Emma was going to lean forward and kiss her, that Emma’s eyes looked like they were getting lost in Regina’s.

 

And Regina swore her breath stopped completely, her lungs tight and desperate inside of her, and the world stopped spinning. It was impossible, both the world no longer spinning and Emma almost moving in to kiss her. She must have been losing her mind if she believed Emma was seriously about to do that.

 

But for that brief moment, everything around her ceased to exist and there was only Emma. _Emma._ And, _God,_ Regina’s heart, it couldn’t take it. It was so heavy and full, and bright even with all the darkness that resided inside it.

 

But kiss her, Emma did not.

 

She moved closer to Regina, so close that she almost completely erased the distance that had separated their two bodies. There was no hesitation, no questioning eyes wondering if it was okay, just Emma tangling their legs together and wrapping an arm around Regina, fingers sliding through her hair as her head was guided to Emma’s shoulder. Chest to chest, Emma held her, warm and soft and sure of herself, and perhaps capable of sending Regina’s emotions on a wilder ride than any kiss would have been able to. A kiss she could have made sense of, explained away, but the way Emma held onto her, strong and tight, yet safe and tender, could not be dismissed as just another _thing_ they sometimes did. It felt like one of the moments she filed away under ‘more’, something about it making Regina want to fall completely into Emma and stop worrying about everything so much.

 

“You don’t need to protect yourself from me,” Emma whispered against Regina’s head after a few moments of silence.

 

Regina’s heart beating quickly was her only response, no words within reach.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I just want...”

 

Emma sighed and never finished, but Regina didn’t need to hear what Emma wanted to know that she wanted to give it to her. The way it felt to be wrapped up in Emma’s strong arms was enough to quiet the voices inside her head, perhaps only momentarily but long enough. It was quiet and easy. And with that silence came some truths and understanding.

 

She knew that the line she had said needed to be drawn already existed, and she knew that she was miles away from it and had no desire to go back.

 

She knew that her internal battle would continue to exist, but she also knew that she was determined not to let it become an issue for her.

 

And she knew that what Emma had said was true. She did not want to hurt her, and so Regina knocked a little more of her walls down and exhaled a soft sigh against Emma’s neck, determined to let herself enjoy what it felt like to be loved so strongly by someone.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

_Emma had good experiences waking up in Regina’s house. She was always well-rested, and never did she want to leave the bed. But waking up Sunday morning in Regina’s bed was like no other morning. She was unable to move her arm, for it had been trapped underneath Regina’s body. Her neck itched from the ends of Regina’s hair, but she had not been able to escape it, afraid of moving too much and waking up the woman whose head laid upon her chest. She had been able to feel Regina’s breath on her skin, warm through the cotton of her bra. And curled around her arm, Regina’s hand held on to her lightly._

 

_To call it a good experience just wouldn’t be fair. Emma had loved every second of waking up and realizing she was in Regina’s room, remembering the night before, how she had dared to pull Regina closer and hadn’t been pushed away. She loved the way a sliver of sunlight fought its way into the room to touch Regina’s hair, to play in the dark, tousled locks that Emma also wanted to touch. Regina was halfway draped over Emma’s body, one of her legs between Emma’s, her arm around Emma’s middle, and it was better than it had been the night before when she woke up to find them spooning, better because there was no questioning in Emma’s mind if Regina was comfortable with their proximity to each other. Emma looked down at the way Regina wrapped around her, even hours after falling asleep, and she knew that Regina wanted to be there – and, damn, did it feel good to be someone Regina wanted to hold on to._

 

_It made her grin as the last of the night’s sleep slipped away from her, a grin so wide it probably looked ridiculous. But she didn’t care. She wanted to soak up every second, close her eyes and breathe in the strong smell of Regina’s shampoo and feel small flutters in her abdomen. It was just the night before that she had said she wanted more of this, waking up with Regina. Feeling so incredibly warm and comfortable as she woke up with the brunette draped over her, her soft curves pressed into Emma, only proved to her how amazing it could be, only made her want it even more._

 

_She was so lost in the moment that she startled slightly when she heard Regina mumble against her._

 

_“Stop that,” she said, her lips brushing Emma’s breast._

 

_Emma’s eyes popped open. “What?” she asked, the word pushing past a lump that was suddenly in her throat. She tried clearing it away as she pressed her chin into the top of her chest and looked down at Regina, wondered what she was talking about. She sounded sleepy, her voice raspy and thick; maybe she was confused._

 

_“Your heart. Stop.”_

 

_Emma’s brow wrinkled. “My heart?” she questioned, and she was the one to sound confused this time._

 

_“Yes,” Regina grumbled, smushing her face against Emma’s breasts as she moved as though she could get closer. “It’s...loud.” She sounded sleepy and not completely present in the moment, like she was still clinging to sleep._

 

_But how could Emma’s heartbeat not be loud at a moment like this? Regina’s head was on her chest, and she was trying to bury her face in Emma’s breasts the same way Emma did with pillows that smelt like Regina. Their limbs were intertwined, and Regina, Regina who loved her space and distance, was so incredibly close to her. She knew her heart must have been racing, pounding in her chest. But there was no stopping that, not when she looked down at Regina and could only see how perfect they looked together._

 

_So Emma just ran her fingers over the exposed skin of Regina’s lower back and felt her shiver against her, knowing there was no calming down her heart anytime soon, but she could gently soothe Regina back to sleep._

 

Emma shook the thought out of her head with a small grin. It was already Wednesday, but she was still thinking about waking up with Regina on Sunday morning. Whenever she needed a little break from her workday, her mind would drift back to that day, take her back to Regina’s bed. She would remember the way Regina sighed into her neck, the way Regina’s fingers felt resting on her skin – the little things that made a smile pull at her lips and a familiar warmth flow through her body. It was all so wonderful, electric, like the magic that she had felt buzzing so close to the surface the longer they were connected. Magic was a funny thing like that, a week of trying to call to it with no results, but zips and bursts of it almost ready to be set free when she lay with Regina holding her.  

 

And she needed that mental break after spending her morning in and out of the sheriff’s station, dealing with odd complaints and a meeting that had continued on for ten minutes longer than she had had the patience for. Finally back in her office, Emma was actually _grateful_ for the paperwork she was working on, even though she was bored of it. If she didn’t have to speak to anyone else until the afternoon, she would be one happy sheriff – not including Regina, of course. Emma actually missed her and had been stealing peeks off her cell phone over on the corner of her desk, considering sending Regina a text.

 

After mentally going back and forth on it a few times, she decided to just send a quick message and then get back to work. At least she could stop thinking about it, and if Regina had the time to respond, if maybe she missed Emma a little as well, then it worked out nicely for her.

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **Counting down the minutes**

 

She placed her phone back down on her desk and hoped that the vagueness of her message would pique Regina’s curiosity. She stretched back in her chair and lifted her arms above her head, her back curving as her muscles pulled and she yawned widely. Her boredom was starting to get to her, it would seem, making her restless.

 

Thankfully, Regina responded to her message in under a minute, giving her hope that she would have some company as she worked on the reports she needed to write. The quick reply also made her smile as she picked her phone back up. Quick responses usually meant Regina missed her. She’d seen Regina read a message and then put her phone back down, and then not reply for five minutes. Anything under three minutes was good.

 

 **_Regina:_ ** **6 hours, 47 minutes. You have a long way to go.**

 

 ** _Emma:_** **No... I wasn’t talking about the end of the day. Correction... 2 hours and 17 minutes**

 

 **_Regina:_ ** **Of course. I should have known you were talking about food. Predictable.**

 

Emma scoffed.

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **Rude!**

 

 **_Emma:_ ** **I was talking about getting to see you, thank you very much. Maybe I actually miss you...**

 

She bit the corner of her lip as she typed out the second message, starting it and backspacing, and then retyping it. She was more aware of what she said to Regina these days, careful about her wording. There were times when what she said came across as flirtatious – because it was – and she had to try to backtrack a little, throw in a laugh or something to distract Regina from the flirting. It came naturally with them; sometimes even when they were bickering it would make Emma’s pulse race and she wondered if that was on the same level as flirting, at least for them. But as easy as it was to let out that side of herself with Regina, Emma still didn’t want to reveal too much with the things she said – so she tried, and failed quite often, to hide that she was not only attracted to Regina, but very much aware of it.

 

 **_Regina:_ ** **Unlikely.**

 

And then there were times when Regina just made it impossible for her to hold back, because she said things like ‘unlikely’ in response to Emma admitting that she was missing her. And maybe she was being too much again, maybe she was coming on strong, but she wouldn’t allow Regina to believe that she wasn’t missed, that there wasn’t someone thinking of her during the day, sometimes just wondering what she was up to.

 

 ** _Emma:_** **If it’s so unlikely, tell me why I couldn’t stop thinking about u when I was helping out at the assembly at the youth center this morning... or why I almost called you THREE times when I was walking back to my office earlier just because I wanted to hear your voice... Tell me why I keep going through our pictures from Sunday and smiling...**

 

Emma pressed send with her heart beating harshly in her chest. Her eyes squeezed shut once it was sent, and she felt like maybe she should turn her phone off, bury it somewhere, and leave the country so she didn’t feel so exposed, so vulnerable. She probably broke at least five of her own rules with one text, and she would be so mad at herself if it backfired.

 

Rules that were broken:

 

Keep how much you think about her to yourself 

 

Don’t be excessive

 

Don’t let it show how hard you’ve fallen for her

 

DON’T BE TOO MUCH

 

Okay, she had broken four, and two of them were basically the same thing, but that was still too many. And what made it worse was Regina didn’t text her back – and Emma had waited, and waited, and waited until she went from anxious to sick to regretful, and then she was nervous as hell and had refused to even look at her phone for the rest of the morning.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina glanced at the time for the fourth time in as many minutes, and then mentally scolded herself for doing so. It was only thirteen minutes past the time she would normally take her lunch, but Emma was usually already swaggering in with one of those ridiculous (read: attractive) half-grins on her face and take-out in her hands by now. It wasn’t like her to be late for lunch. Turning in work? Yes. But when it came to Emma showing up, being present, she made sure she was there when she said she would be; it was one of her most admirable qualities. And according to Emma’s countdown from earlier, she was supposed to have been in Regina’s office thirteen minutes ago.

 

She expelled a frustrated breath and twisted her pen shut, unable to focus on the work in front of her when all she could think about was Emma Swan and her uncharacteristic tardiness. It would have been one thing if this were a work meeting Emma was showing up late for; it would have been unprofessional, and Regina would have handled it as the mayor and gotten over it without a second thought. But this was different. Not only were their shared lunches now a daily occurrence, so it was not likely that she simply forgot about it, but Emma had led her to believe that she was actually looking forward to seeing her – which, in turn, made Regina look forward to seeing Emma.

 

If what Emma claimed was true and she had been counting down until she could see Regina, why was she not there?

 

Regina was moments away from reaching for her phone to give Emma a piece of her mind – while carefully making sure not to sound disappointed, just annoyed – when it started ringing in her desk drawer where she had quickly stashed it earlier when her 10:30 appointment arrived for their meeting. It had been in there since, and she had forgotten to take it out.

 

The incoming call was from Zelena, and while she would normally take it, she let it go to voicemail and sent her sister a quick message to let her know she would call her back at a more opportune time. She was in no mood to talk, nor did she have the time for whatever town gossip Zelena was probably calling with. Zelena’s favorite pastime seemed to be going to the park with Snow and their children, catching each other up on the gossip the other might have missed. And then she would call Regina on her way home so she could judge everybody and mock them, getting in a few more laughs before she put Robyn down for a nap. It was an unlikely friendship, Regina had thought in the beginning, but some could say the same about the one Regina had with Snow.

 

When Regina went to call Emma, she noticed that there was an unread message from the blonde herself. She hadn’t heard her phone indicate any new messages, but with her volume turned down low and the vibration turned off because of her meeting, it was not surprising. Perhaps Emma had already sent her an explanation for why she was not going to be showing up at her usual time, Regina thought. Then it would be Regina’s own fault for why she had spent the last fifteen minutes being in such a foul mood.

 

 ** _Emma:_** **If it’s so unlikely, tell me why I couldn’t stop thinking about u when I was helping out at the assembly at the youth center this morning... or why I almost called you THREE times when I was walking back to my office earlier just because I wanted to hear your voice... Tell me why I keep going through our pictures from Sunday and smiling...**

 

After noticing the time that the message had been sent, and that it had followed the quick, one-worded response she had sent to Emma before slipping her phone in her desk drawer, Regina was quite certain there would be no explanation waiting for her. However, once she read the message, she realized there was. It was not in Emma’s message but the lack of response that she found the obvious explanation for Emma’s absence.

 

Regina was quick to stand up from her desk, no longer upset with Emma but herself. It had not been intentional, ignoring the message, but she could feel the anxiety that must have built up inside of Emma as if it was her own, and she knew that Emma had probably assumed that she had purposely ignored her, wanting to avoid the message. There had been too many times where Emma opened herself up and Regina tried to avoid it for Emma not to think this was another situation where Regina was doing exactly that. But Regina had meant it when she told Emma she would work on not pulling away.

 

Regina could imagine how vulnerable she must have felt, for she could feel the honesty in her words, the undeniable longing, and Emma had laid that out for Regina to see and waited for a response that never came. It upset Regina that she had not even thought to see if Emma had texted her again. It upset her because she already knew what Emma thought had happened, and she hated that it could have easily been prevented.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“No no no no no.”

 

Emma could sense Regina before she even heard the quick, sharp beat of heels clicking against the floor outside of the office. Her stomach dropped and she briefly wondered if she could hide underneath her desk and Regina would assume she wasn’t there. _Grow up,_ she tried to tell herself, but what was more grownup than avoiding the woman you had a crush on because you were afraid you made it too obvious and ruined everything? Surely nothing Emma was actually considering as an option as Regina drew nearer.

 

Emma was panicking inside, knowing she had no way out at this point. She would have to come face to face with Regina, and it was probably going to be awkward as hell. Her stomach dropped even lower; she swallowed and fumbled with the papers sprawled across her desk, trying to make them appear neater, make them _not_ resemble how messy her life was. She pulled at her shirt – and ended up accidentally undoing one of the buttons. She fixed her hair, quickly smoothing her hands towards her ponytail. Regina would probably come in looking perfect, like always, and Emma looked a mess.

 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

 

Emma blew out a rough breath and ran her hands down her jeans and sat up straighter. Her insides were out of control – her stomach felt heavy, her heart was racing, and her lungs felt tight – but maybe she could hide that if she just smiled and acted like she hadn’t spent the last twenty minutes giving herself a pep-talk so she could go have lunch with Regina. (Some pep-talk it was; she was still there, and still hungry.)

 

But _fuck._

 

The moment Regina walked in, Emma’s smile faltered and there were butterflies in her stomach, and there was no pretending she wasn’t a mess, because Emma was the biggest mess to ever mess, and there was no way to hide that – especially when she nearly fell out of her seat when she went to stand up.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Emma rubbed her hands down her jeans again once she was standing and then shoved them into her pockets, watching as Regina walked over to her, the expression on the brunette’s face unreadable and sunglasses blocking her eyes. _Dammit._

 

There was one thing Emma did notice, which was the way she carried herself. She oozed confidence and sex appeal most days, but there was less of that subtle sway to her hips and more stiffness in her back. She could block Emma from seeing the emotions that were undoubtedly swirling in her eyes, wear a blank mask, but she could not keep Emma from seeing that she was guarded. Emma knew better than most how to read Regina, even from the tiniest of details, and Emma could see that something was wrong – which only made Emma’s emotions feel more erratic, made her more nervous about what was about to happen.

 

Emma met Regina halfway, stopping at the doorway of her office. Regina paused behind a desk.

 

“Hey,” Emma breathed out, trying for a smile once again. “I know I didn’t - -”

 

“I wasn’t ignoring you.”

 

“- - call or anything, and that was shitty of me, but... Wait. What?”

 

Regina licked her lips and wrung her hands together in front of her. She took in a slow breath, held it, and then let it out just as slowly. (Archie had suggested the same breathing exercise to Emma, but it didn’t really help calm her down any.)

 

“I didn’t read your text message until a few minutes ago. My lack of a response was not me intentionally ignoring you,” she said with precision, each word carefully leaving her mouth.

 

Emma’s heart was unsure how to react, slow down or speed up, and so it seemed to do both. Emma sighed and leaned against the doorjamb, looking down at the scuff marks on her ankle boots. “So you read it, and then...” Emma swallowed. “Then you decided to come here because...”

 

Regina huffed out a breath. “I’m here because it is where you are.”

 

Emma tilted her head ever so slightly and raised her brow. “But _why_ are you here? Are you here because I didn’t show up for lunch? Or are you here because of what the message said? Because...” Emma bit her lip, trailing off again, feeling uncertain, even her false bravado out of reach.

 

“Well, I wouldn’t be standing here now if you had shown up like you normally do for lunch, if that is what you’re asking,” she responded a little sharply.

 

“It’s not.”

 

A chair was slowly pulled from underneath a desk, and Emma looked up to see Regina sitting down. Maybe that mask hadn’t been for Emma, because Regina frowned and now looked like there were a million different thoughts moving through her head, hundreds of emotions flashing across her face – even with her eyes still blocked by the dark sunglasses she had not removed.

 

Emma had freaked out earlier when she believed Regina had read her message and had known, not just from it but everything that had been changing between them as they grew closer, that Emma was attracted to her, that she cared for her in more ways than a friend typically did. When there was no response given to her from Regina, Emma’s brain came up with its own. Most of the fabricated responses included Regina not only not reciprocating her feelings, which Emma would not be surprised by, but also Regina no longer wanting to be friends with her.

 

But Regina hadn’t even read the message until a few minutes ago, apparently. It meant Emma was once again back where she was when she sent it, wondering if what she had said had been too much.

 

“What you said in your message–”

 

“Can we forget I sent that?” Emma blurted out, interrupting Regina. She pulled her lips into her mouth and closed her eyes, not wanting to see whatever look Regina was giving her.

 

“Forget it?” Regina questioned slowly, no emotion in the words – which, _great_ , now she was definitely moving behind her walls.

 

Emma nodded mutely.

 

“All right,” she said simply after pausing for a moment, and Emma could hear the chair moving against the floor again. “Consider it forgotten, Miss Swan," she said like an end to something more than just the conversation, finality in her tone that made a nasty shiver work through Emma's body. 

 

“Wait.” Emma huffed and rubbed her hands across her face, aggravated with herself. “Don’t leave.”

 

Regina crossed her arms when she turned around and faced Emma. She waited, but she didn’t say anything.

 

Emma took a few steps forward, decided that if Regina was going to start putting up walls, she would push past some of the nervousness and make an effort at being more open. “Ever since I sent the message, I’ve been worried that maybe it was too much. I thought that was why you didn’t respond, that maybe you didn’t know _how_ to respond to me. I just don't want to feel that way again. That's why I want to forget it, not because I didn't mean what I said.”

 

Regina’s posture relaxed ever so slightly, but still, she stood there silently.

 

Emma bit the inside of her cheek and moved closer, stopped at the next desk over from the one Regina had been sitting at for that brief moment where it looked like she was prepared for a discussion. Emma leaned against the side of the desk and let out a loud breath. Emotions were too much to handle sometimes, too much to deal with, and definitely way too much to talk about. (This, of course, was the moment her brain chose to remind her she had a therapy session the next day.)

 

“I overthought everything, and I thought maybe you coming here now was going to lead to you telling me you couldn’t be friends with me. Crazy, huh?”

 

“Entirely.”

 

Emma’s lips quirked.

 

Regina shook her head and pulled off her glasses, held them in her hand as she looked into Emma’s eyes, confused and annoyed and something unreadable. “Why would you think that, Emma? Have I given you any logical reason to believe I am unhappy with our friendship?”

 

Emma shook her head quickly. “No,” she breathed out with all the certainty one word could hold.

 

Regina made a ‘well’ gesture with her hand, telling Emma to elaborate, to explain what was going on in her head.

 

But it wasn’t that simple, was it? She couldn’t just put it all out there. Could she?

 

She bit her cheek and searched Regina’s eyes for answers to all her questions, searched for some type of sign. But there was nothing but patience and confusion as Regina looked back at her, their eyes not leaving each other for a long moment that felt heavy with all the words that weren’t being said.

 

“Emma...”

 

Emma’s shoulders fell in response to the softness of Regina’s voice. She let out a slow breath and finally lowered her eyes, unable to look at Regina as the words started rushing out of her mouth.

 

“It’s not that. I don’t think you’re unhappy with our friendship. It’s... I’m worried I might push you away with everything else, with the _other_ stuff. I can see it happening a little sometimes. You were pulling away from me – and I know you’re working on that, and you have no idea how much that means to me, and I’m not saying this because I don’t see that you’re trying, but I still worry that I’ll do something that will make you finally pull away for good.

 

“I’m not used to feeling so strongly for someone – but I do. I feel _a lot_ for you, and I can’t seem to keep it all in. I feel like I’ll let too much of it out, compliment you too much, give away how much you’re on my mind, you know, all the stuff I’ve been doing even when trying to keep it at a minimum, and you’ll realize _why_ I can’t stop doing it so much. You’ll realize that I, uh, that I... That I, you know...”

 

Emma’s stomach felt tight, and she realized she was digging her nails into her thighs. She felt breathless. She felt sick. She felt like the room was spinning and she might not make it through the next few moments without fainting or something else idiotically dramatic.

 

Her eyes flicked up to Regina, and Regina was _staring_ at her, like she didn’t understand, like she didn’t get it – and for once, Emma wished Regina would just see what was right in front of her when it came to Emma's feelings without Emma needing to spell it out for her.

 

Emma swallowed, and then cleared her throat. “Please say something,” she said, her voice low, the plea desperate.

 

Regina’s mouth opened like she would, like she had a response on the tip of her tongue. But Regina just sorta shook her head and reached out towards Emma and then brought her hand back, clasping it in front of her, looking even more uncertain.

 

Emma’s heart was like thunder in her ears. She could feel her blood rushing and something that felt like all the oxygen was leaving the room.

 

“Regina.”

 

She breathed out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know what to say,” she said quickly, like she was angry with herself, or maybe angry with Emma. “What are you trying to–”

 

“Jesus, Regina.” Emma growled and stood up, making Regina straighten her back as she watched Emma carefully, followed the steps it took for Emma to be standing in front of Regina, toe to toe. “Isn’t it obvious?” she gritted out.

 

Regina shook her head, not backing away from Emma, the two of them so close they were almost touching. Regina cleared her throat. “No, I don’t think it is," she said like an apology.

 

Emma couldn’t hold onto her annoyance, felt her shoulders sag. She was too scared to be annoyed, too afraid of losing Regina to be upset that Regina couldn’t even tell Emma wanted her. She had a choice to make, and she knew that she had already put too much out there not to make it then – even if Regina didn’t fully comprehend _what_ Emma had just put out there.

 

Emma had to decide if she could go on feeling the way she had been feeling every day since she realized what her feelings meant. She hadn’t just started liking Regina; she had just finally acknowledged it the other week. What she felt for Regina had been growing for months, and those feelings were only growing stronger. Could she continue feeling this way, loving someone so wholeheartedly, wanting to be with them so often, craving so much more of them, and choose not tell them out of fear of it all going wrong?

 

She could decide to let it go, to just accept that she had fallen for her best friend and that was the end of it, or she could tell Regina and find out what happened next. Whichever of the two she chose, Emma knew she needed to make her decision right then. There was no more holding it in, no more being worried that she was too much. Either she was and Regina would do what everyone did when she was too much – push her away – or Regina would pull her closer like Emma wanted but doubted she would.

 

Emma took a step back, felt the need for a little breathing room. But at the same time, she reached forward and took Regina’s hand into her own, sighed with relief when Regina instantly curled her fingers around Emma’s hand.

 

A big part of her hoped she was worried about nothing. Maybe things would go well. Maybe...

 

Emma flicked her eyes up and caught Regina looking at her quizzically, like she was trying to figure her out. “I don’t know how to put any of this into easy words. I want you to understand how I feel, but...” She blew out a breath.

 

Regina’s eyes softened as she looked down at their hands, focusing on them instead of Emma’s face as she spoke. “You’re worried you’re going to lose me. I understand that. But, Emma, I’m not going anywhere. I haven’t put up with you all this time to leave now.”

 

Emma smiled lightly at Regina’s attempt to lighten the mood, but she still felt like Regina didn’t _really_ understand what was wrong with her. So she squeezed Regina’s hand, hoping to find strength, and then slowly pulled away.

 

“I’ve never done this. It’s always the other way around,” Emma said as she lifted her hand up and tucked away stray hair. She chuckled nervously, flicking her eyes up to make sure Regina was following her.

 

The understanding that had started to appear before was slowly fading in Regina’s eyes, though. “Done what?”

 

Emma gestured between the two of them. “This.” She licked her lips. “Usually someone’s pushing and pushing and pushing me to be with them, showing me that they want to be more than just friends, and I sorta just, I don’t know, give in. But...” Emma chuckled again, mirthlessly. “God, I have to literally pull you back to me sometimes. It’s so different with you.”

 

Regina balled her hands together in front of her and blinked slowly, her lips pressed tightly together.

 

Emma huffed out a breath.

 

_Just tell her. Wave the fucking rainbow flag and let her know._

 

Emma nodded to herself. “I know you feel it, this _thing_ between us. I just don’t think it means the same to you as it does to me. But, maybe, I don’t know... Maybe it does,” she said, hopeful, daring to smile a little. “What I’m afraid to lose is your friendship, yes, but the reason I’m afraid to lose it is because I want more than that. I want to be more than just your friend. I want everything we already have, but I also want to be able to let out all these crazy emotions inside of me without worrying that I’m being too much and it’ll push you away, you know?”

 

Emma deflated with her last words, her hands shoved deeply in her pockets. She said it. It was out there.

 

But why did her chest still feel so tight?

 

Why did her stomach feel like it weighed a ton?

 

Why did she feel like she needed to run and never turn back?

 

And why was Regina just silently staring at her?

 

Emma could feel it creeping up, the regret, the worry, the same feelings she had felt after Regina hadn't responded to her text message. But this was harder for Emma to take in, because Regina was right in front of her and she said nothing. She looked like she was processing, maybe, but all Emma could hear was the silence as it stretched on for far too many of Emma's rapid heartbeats. 

 

_Retreat. Retreat. Put the rainbow flag away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, now that that's out there, y'all can be more certain about Emma's feelings...
> 
> tell me what you thought? feed the needy writer with comments so she can stop questioning every word. PLEASE! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with the story and me! xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Devon King for making an incredible [cover](http://devonking.deviantart.com/art/Cornerheart-630370009) for this fic. Everyone should go check it out and share my joy. 
> 
> Sorry for the wait, but arguments are difficult and so is life. 
> 
> I wanted to also thank Kez, again, because she's incredible and so much help when I need to talk out my jumbled ideas. And I wanted to thank everyone who left me a comment, because I re-read those whenever I'm feeling like my writing sucks and need to be told otherwise. 
> 
> Day 6...

**arguments**

 

When you have convinced yourself of something, said it over and over until it became fact, finding out that what you believed to be true was indeed false took a moment to process.

 

That was what happened to Regina as Emma stood in front of her, nervously pouring out words full of emotion that Regina couldn’t believe she was hearing. Everything she had spent months telling herself started falling apart: her reasoning, her logic, every time she had been confident that what she felt for Emma would not be returned. Emma’s words were a wrecking ball to her securely built tower of reasoning that supported her decisions for how she handled her growing feelings for Emma, and she could see it all crumbling before her very eyes.

 

She could not react outwardly to what Emma had said, for she needed to first process inwardly. Regina’s brain was like a multi-floored library with shelves and cabinets that were organized with the smallest of details being taken into consideration. She needed the order and the careful compartmentalization. But she felt as though she had neither of the two at the moment, had taken in Emma’s words and let them tumble around, wreck her order, and create a mess inside of her head. She could not respond to Emma because she could not find an appropriate response buried beneath all of the rubble and fallen shelves.

 

She had barely finished processing Emma’s text message, had still been trying to calm down the way her emotions reacted to Emma telling her that she missed her. She had not yet figured out what to do about the way her heart felt heavy and full when she thought about Emma smiling at the pictures that had been taken on Sunday when they spent the day out with Henry. Regina had been trying to snuff out the hope that flared up before it burned too brightly inside her. And then Emma had gone and done what Regina never even considered a possibility and threw kerosene on a manageable flame, made that hope spread like a wildfire as Emma told her she wanted to be more than a friend to Regina.

 

To feel such an intense feeling of hope was unnatural for Regina, and so it did not surprise her that the voice in her head, her faulty logic, tried to pull her away from the hope, the possibilities of actually having a happy romantic relationship with Emma. Her brain tried to locate any untouched reasoning, searched for what hadn’t been destroyed by Emma’s admission. It was like searching for hay in a needlestack – everything pricked and stabbed, painful, meant to remind Regina of the hurt that could be caused if she were to allow herself to give in to what she now knew was a mutual desire.

 

There was only one reason to be found, and it repeated over and over in her head like an unwelcomed chant. What about when it ended? She would lose so much of what she loved – the friendship she had with Emma, the family unit they had created, the stability and consistency they were able to provide their son, and a great deal of her happiness that was intertwined with all of that. She would ultimately lose out, and both she and Emma were bound to end up hurting in the end. There was a possibility that it would not end badly, that it would not end, she tried to remind herself, wanting to cling on to hope, but she couldn’t quiet down the thoughts which reminded her how often things actually went well for her in the past.

 

Regina rubbed her hands together and then clasped them tightly in front of her knotted stomach when she realized how long her silence had dragged on, how long Emma had been waiting with a nervous look in her eyes for Regina to say something. Everything had been internal for Regina, her need to process preventing her from saying the wrong thing in response to Emma’s unexpected confession – but it also kept her from saying the _right_ thing as well, kept her silent as she worked through several conflicting emotions at the same time.

 

Regina cleared her throat, knowing she needed to say something. It was so quiet in the office that she could hear the way her blood rushed in her ears. However, she was struggling to find the proper words to put an end to the heavy silence. Her lips parted to release _something,_ but she couldn’t string together anything that would make the mess in her head coherent. She shut her mouth and pulled her lips into a thin line, annoyed with her inability to articulate at least a small part of what she was thinking.

 

“I’m... No, we...”

 

Regina shook her head at herself and tightened her fingers around each other a little too tightly, her thumbnail pressing into her skin as her frustration grew. Emma took a step back from her, and Regina took a deep breath and mentally counted down from five. Emma looked like she wanted to run, and Regina almost wanted to do the same thing – except she wanted to run from her thoughts, her push-pull tendencies, and far away from the doubts that made her feel as though holding back would be better in the long run. She wanted to leave behind the scared part of herself that was afraid of what blindly taking a leap would mean, wanted to damn the risk and just go for it. She had done it with many things in life – but she’d never had anything to lose before, and now she had everything and couldn’t imagine losing any of it.

 

She huffed out a breath that expressed how tired she was of herself, of her thoughts. She licked her lips and pushed out the only words that were both true and simple enough not to reveal the chaos in her mind. “That was unexpected,” she said, and she hadn’t even finished letting the three words out before she was painfully aware that it would have been better if she had just stayed quiet. That was _not_ the sort of response Emma deserved.

 

What little bit of hope that had been left in Emma’s eyes vanished, her mouth falling down into a sad frown. Regina could see the regret, the desire to backtrack, to escape, sweep in to replace the hope. It made Regina’s stomach feel heavy.

 

Regina wanted to fix that, to undo what she had done. She couldn’t bear seeing the hurt, confused look on Emma’s face, and she hated that she had been the one to cause it. So she cleared her throat, knowing Emma deserved a proper response, even if she had to pry it out of herself. Emma kept baring herself for Regina, so maybe it was time for her to do the same. She had said she would work on not pulling away, and this was her time to show Emma that she meant what she had said.

 

“Emma,” Regina said softly, taking a careful step forward to erase some of the distance Emma had just put between them when she stepped away. She let out a long breath and straightened her back. “I’m not entirely certain I know how to respond to–”

 

“Well that would explain the silence,” Emma muttered under her breath bitterly, crossing her arms.

 

Regina grimaced, but she could understand how vulnerable Emma must have been feeling and knew she deserved it. “Listen,” she started.

 

But as Regina started speaking, there was a noise from outside of the office that made them both turn their attention to the entryway.  David walked in with a laughing Leroy, the two men in the middle of a loud conversation that instantly made Regina’s annoyance spike.

 

“Oh, Emma,” David said, still chuckling as he patted Leroy on the shoulder and entered the room, “you’re here, and Regina’s here, too. Wait until you two hear this story Leroy just told me. You would not believe–”

 

Regina cleared her throat loudly, finding his interruption and obliviousness to the tension in the room rude. “Actually, if you don’t mind, Emma and I were in the middle of an important discussion. I’m sure whatever it is can wait until later.” Her voice was hard, and there was no room left for an argument.

 

Emma scoffed. Regina turned to her, brow raised as Emma folded her arms across her chest. “Discussions actually take more than one person,” Emma said, clearly choosing to hold on to her bitterness.

 

Regina rolled her eyes and was about to respond, but Emma shook her head and started walking away. There were walls going up just as Regina was trying to put hers down, and Regina could see that her inability to respond right away had caused more damage than saying the first thing that had popped into her mind probably would have.

 

“I think I’m going to get back to work. You should go.”

 

“Emma,” Regina sighed, wanting to reach out to her but watching Emma turn her back to her instead. This was not how she was expecting this to go once she decided that she would make a better effort, not how she thought things would play out once she allowed herself to attempt to express her own feelings.

 

When Emma was gone, the outer office was quiet and awkward, David and Leroy both doing a terrible job at not staring at Regina. Regina wanted to snap, to ask them what they were looking at, and then snap again. She was angry with herself, angry with them for interrupting, and she was upset because Emma had walked away from her. But Regina let that anger bubble inside of her and chose not to say anything at all, to take herself away from the station, leaving behind a cloud of purple smoke in her place.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

 

Emma’s leg bounced up and down underneath her desk as she balled her hands into fists and tried to calm down. What had she been thinking? Why didn’t she just keep it to herself like she knew she should have?

 

She felt humiliated, heartbroken, and furious all because she had decided to be open and honest about how she felt. Regina had just stared at her – _stared_ – and in the silence she could hear all the reasons why she shouldn’t have said anything, why she should have let her growing feelings remain a secret. She could see everything they had worked for together falling apart, ruined by her greed, her want.

 

To willingly bare herself without knowing what would happen next was never a good idea, and she should have known not to do it. Putting her feelings out there for Regina to see and then having the other woman mutely stare at her was worst than not receiving a response to her text message earlier in the day. She had felt double the amount of vulnerability, too open and exposed. She might as well have had stripped down naked and stood in front of a crowded room. There was no escaping any of what she had felt when Regina was right there with her, and being made to stand there awkwardly without any idea what was going on through Regina’s head made everything inside of her scream.

 

She would have rather had Regina laugh in her face for believing they could ever be more than friends. She would have rather been mocked. She would have at least understood that, understood her inadequacy. But Regina hadn’t said a thing for so long that Emma had to fight her instinct to flee.

 

She couldn’t think of any reaction that would have been more uncomfortable than the one she had received, nor one more painful to watch. It had been like she was dangling off the side of the building and she was waiting to find out if Regina would push her or pull her to safety, hand reached out with a desperate plea in her eyes. Hanging there, uncertain of everything, she would have chosen to fall instead, to get it over with so she didn’t have to wait endlessly for something that felt like it would never come – just as she had felt like Regina’s verbal response to her outpour of feelings would never come.

 

And the worst part of it all was that she still didn’t know what Regina felt, what she thought about Emma wanting a deeper relationship.

 

Yes, Regina had eventually tried to discuss it. But Emma had waited long enough, and by the time Regina was ready, Emma couldn’t bear standing there any longer. Whatever Regina had to say couldn’t have been good; you don’t need a moment of silence before going to express how happy you are that someone wants to be with you. Once Emma had realized Regina was processing, doing that thing she always did where she liked to think and think and think, she knew that what Regina would say would leave her feeling worse than the non-response had.

 

So, no, she had not stayed when Regina finally had something to say. She couldn’t – even though this now meant she had more questions than answers.

 

At the sound of a triple knock on her closed door, Emma startled and lifted her head away from the paper she had unknowingly been ripping into tiny pieces. On the other side of the door, David stood with a concerned expression on his face. Emma sighed and pushed herself up from her seat, opening the door and walking past him.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she told him right away, knowing he would try to find out what was wrong with her and then try to help her through it. It was a nice gesture, and she appreciated him for it, but she didn’t want to talk this one out. She wanted to be upset about it; sometimes it helped to just feel her emotions and not need to be okay.

 

She straightened up the chairs and desks as he watched her. She could not handle the look of concern right then, needed to focus on something else.

 

“Are you sure?” David asked. He didn’t sound like he was pushing, just wanting to be there.

 

She sighed and glanced his way quickly, forcing a small smile onto her lips. “Yeah. I’m good.”

 

He didn’t look convinced as he said, “That didn’t look too good. It looked like something was going on between you and Regina that left you both upset.”

 

“It’s nothing,” she lied and then shook her head and pushed her hands into her tight pockets, fully facing him. “It’s nothing that I want to deal with right now,” she corrected, more honest. “It’s too fresh, and I honestly don’t even know where I would start trying to talk about any of this – or if I should. That’s kind of what got me into this mess to begin with.”

 

He looked like he wanted to offer her comfort and he couldn’t figure out how, so Emma crossed the room and leaned against the cabinet he stood beside, their shoulders touching. He reached across his body with his right arm and gave her arm a squeeze before moving his left arm and wrapping it around her shoulders, pulling her into a side-embrace.

 

“You know you can talk to me when you’re ready, or maybe your mother if that sounds better. I might not have all the answers, but we can try to find them together.”

 

She nodded mutely, leaning her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes for a moment. It felt good hearing those words from her father, having a dad who wanted to be there and cared. She used to wonder what it would be like and couldn’t even imagine it, had no idea what it would feel like to be so important to someone in a parental role. But he rubbed his hand up and down her arm a few times and squeezed her closer, and she wanted to cry tears of joy for her younger self who had never believed she would have this. Instead, she moved her arm around his middle and returned the hug.

 

“Thank you,” she said, enjoying her father’s warmth and love for a few moments longer, letting her thoughts about Regina take a back seat for as long as she could.

 

Unfortunately, ‘for as long as Emma could’ wasn’t all that long.

 

She had decided to get out of the office for a little while and patrol the streets of Storybrooke. The fresh air blowing through the opened window of the cruiser was supposed to help her – but it was hot outside, especially for Maine, and the air was too thick to feel a breeze. It was why she had decided to go get herself a cool drink, a smoothie from the same place she bought Belle’s, and because she was there, she bought one for her friend as well.

 

Leaving the car where it was parked and checking to make sure she had everything she might need on her person, she crossed over to the other side of the street and walked down to the library. It was early afternoon and the sun was bright, warming her skin through her buttoned up printed shirt. She held one smoothie in each hand, and before she reached the door of the library, she took a long pull from the straw sticking out of her strawberry and banana smoothie, relishing the cold as it slid down her throat.

 

Emma eyed the door curiously, not used to seeing it ajar. She stepped in, looking over her shoulder at the door and then searching the open space for Belle. She found her within seconds, carrying two short stacks of books to the counter, her brown hair pulled up into a bun and a contented expression on her face. Emma didn’t know how she did it, looked so at peace even at the worst of times. She was one of the calmest and most collected people Emma knew, and there was something about that that Emma found fascinating, and a little difficult to understand when her own emotions sometimes felt like too much inside of her.

 

“Emma,” Belle breathed out when she spotted her. She dropped her books down gently and leaned her arm against them, facing Emma with a growing smile on her face. “What a wonderful surprise seeing you here today.”

 

Emma held up Belle’s smoothie, purple from the mix of fruits with green specks from the kale and spinach. “Thought you might be thirsty,” she said, making her way farther into the library, surprised by the rush of heat that hit her. “And it looks like this might be just what you needed. Why’s it so hot in here?”

 

Belle took the smoothie that was handed to her with a grateful smile and wrapped two fingers around the straw as she brought it to her mouth. She hummed as she tasted it, and then she smiled an even brighter smile. “Thank you. That is _delicious_ and, yes, exactly what I needed. It’s been terribly hot in here all day. The air conditioning unit on this floor picked the wrong day of the summer to stop working. I had hoped that keeping the door open would allow the air to circulate and cool down the room, but as you can see...” Belle trailed off with a wave of her hand, and then she pulled at the high neck of her blouse.

 

“Did you call anybody? Should you be working with it being this hot? Or lifting things?” she questioned, moving her eyes from the stacks of books Belle had brought to the front of the library to her rounded belly, small but definitely holding a growing child.

 

“I’m pregnant, not incapable,” Belle said with a hint of laughter in her throat. She drank some of her smoothie. “Hmm. Rumpel took a look at it for me, and–”

 

“No offense, but I can’t really see him being much of a handyman,” she interrupted with a skeptical look.

 

Belle smirked a little and laughed lightly. “None taken. He’s not. He might have actually made it worse. It didn’t react well to his magic.”

 

Emma rolled her eyes, drinking from her smoothie. “Typical. Always trying to take the easy way out. You got a toolbox around here anywhere?” When the brunette raised her brow, Emma held up one of her hands and wiggled her fingers. “Not all of us use magic to solve everything. I’m pretty good with fixing things the old fashioned way. Plus, my magic is still being weird, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

 

She smiled warmly at Emma and reached over and placed her hand on Emma’s upper arm, squeezing it quickly. “Oh, Emma, You don’t have to worry about it. I was going to have someone come in and take care of it. I’m sure that’s not what you came here for, anyway.”

 

Emma shook her head and waved her hand. Usually, her smoothies were code for needing quiet time, but it hadn’t been this time. Even though she was still thinking about how terribly wrong her confession had gone, she had only come to drop off the smoothie and say hello to her friend. She liked getting to see Belle every now and then, liked how easy their friendship felt even when there was stuff in their past that made it hard for Emma to believe Belle even considered her a friend. But they had talked about Emma using Rumpel and hurting Belle, as well as using her as a part of her plan to get rid of the darkness, and Belle, unsurprisingly, was forgiving and they had grown closer since.

 

“Seriously. Point me in the direction of the AC and let me take a look at it. It’s not a problem at all.”

 

Twenty minutes later, Emma was grinning as the hum of the old air conditioner started up and cool air rushed to meet her heated skin. Belle had left her and said she would be back, and Emma had worked in silence. There was something wonderfully relaxing about getting to work with her hands, no need to think about anything other than what was right in front of her. She felt lighter when she finished – and cooler, she thought with a sigh as she settled on her butt, sitting on top of the table she had kneeled on top of to reach the AC stuck in the wall.

 

She had called the station to let David know where she was and to make sure nothing that needed her attention had come up, and after having him confirm all was going well, a slow afternoon after what had been a busy morning for her, Emma decided not to rush back. She had her phone if he needed her.

 

Emma leaned back with a hand planted on the table to support her, her unbuttoned shirt falling open on either side and showing her ribbed tank top beneath. She took in a slow breath and closed her eyes, rolling her head from side to side to release the tightness in her muscles. She released the breath and kept her eyes shut, the constant hum of the air conditioner making it easy for her to let herself relax.

 

While she hadn’t come to the library to think through her stuff with Regina, she didn’t stop the thoughts from moving to the front of her mind. She had spent a lot of her time in libraries when she was younger. She hadn’t had the best experiences in schools, or in the homes she was placed in, but when she had been able to get away, it was usually a library that she sought out. Nobody messed with you in libraries. She could pick up a book and enter an entirely new world, and for as long as she kept reading, she could escape. Since her childhood, she had found the calm inside of libraries where she could nowhere else, and the library in Storybrooke was no exception from this.

 

As she sat cross-legged in front of the cool air, she replayed bits of the mostly one-sided conversation from earlier, and that was how Belle found her when she came back, clearing her throat softly to gain Emma’s attention. Emma blinked her eyes open and smiled sheepishly, sitting up properly.

 

“You fixed it,” Belle said with surprise heavy in her accented voice.

 

“Yeah, it was nothing,” Emma said, rubbing her hands over her thighs. “Piece of cake.”

 

The brunette looked over Emma’s handiwork for a moment and took in some of the cool air, wiping her lightly glistening forehead with the back of her hand before she smiled brightly at Emma. “Speaking of cake." She tilted her head out towards the front of the library. "I thought you might want one of the pastries sent over from Granny’s, so I put one aside for you. The kids will be coming soon for the read aloud, so I thought it wise to go ahead and take one for you, as a thank you.”

 

Emma perked up a little at the mention of food. She hadn’t eaten since her quick breakfast that morning, just a bowl of cereal, and she was pretty hungry. “Sweet, but you didn’t have to.”

 

Belle waved her off with a friendly smile still in place. “You didn’t have to fix the air conditioning unit, but you did. There was a bear claw, and I know they’re your favorite, so I thought you might like it.”

 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll get it on my way out. Thanks.”

 

Belle laughed softly and nodded her head, one of her hands absently cradling her belly. Emma dropped her eyes down and silently watched her, still a little amazed when she realized how big her family was becoming. They may have not been related by blood, but that had never been important to the girl who had grown up without blood relatives. They were family, as crazy as it could be sometimes. Henry connected them all, would be the nephew of the child Belle was carrying, was Rumpelstiltskin's grandson.

 

It was the thought of Rumpel that brought her to her next thought, her lips twisting together as she wondered what it had been like for Belle back in the Enchanted Forest, falling in love with The Dark One. She did not know the whole story of how they ended up together, but she knew enough from stories both told to her and from Henry’s book. She knew that the day Regina started keeping Belle prisoner, she had kissed Rumpel and his Dark One curse had started to slowly fade, for just a moment. But he had pushed her away, had believed her kissing him had been some sort of trick, had grown to believe he was unlovable. But the fact that his curse, the strong magic she knew was not easily penetrated, had started to fade was the most undeniable proof that there had been love on both sides of that kiss, that he had pushed her away, yes, but had love for her in his heart.

 

It made her think about Regina, about how it sometimes felt like Regina wanted her in the ways she wanted Regina. Sunday morning came to her mind as it so often did since that morning. She remembered Regina’s sleepy eyes watching her before they had finally left the bed, remembered the softness of her face and the way her smile looked carefree and happy. Regina had caressed her cheek that morning and woken the butterflies in her stomach, whispered a ‘good morning’ with sleep in her throat, roughening her voice just a little.

 

Emma had decided it was just early morning affection, nothing about it being her, just that she was the person beside Regina when she woke. But she had allowed herself a few minutes to consider maybe it was more. It was a thought she only allowed to stay with her while they were in bed together, the only time she had allowed herself to cling to Regina like she sometimes felt herself wanting to. Emma had given herself that morning, just that time behind closed doors with the soft morning light the only witness. She had thought that it would be all she could have, and she had been fine with that at the time.

 

But of course she had wanted more, and now there she was trying to figure out what was truth and what was her mind trying to make sense of things that made no sense to her. Had Regina’s silence really been because Emma had finally pushed too much? Was there a chance that Regina wasn’t oblivious to what Emma felt had been growing between them for quite some time?

 

It was the time in the library, the chance she had to clear her mind as she worked on the air conditioner, that made her start considering other possibilities, ones that were not fueled by her insecurities. Her thoughts were calmer now, and she could see past her own emotions and kind of understand the ones Regina might have been feeling. Emma regretted not giving her the chance to talk, wished she hadn’t been so upset at the moment so she could know for sure what Regina would have said. But that did not change that Regina’s silence had hurt her. She had hoped for a more immediate response, even if it was not a good one. She felt like she had put herself out there in a way she wouldn’t do for just anyone, and all she had wanted in return was for Regina to do the same.

 

She huffed out a breath and felt a hand on her arm. She lifted her eyes and found concern-filled ones staring back at her. Emma tried for a small smile, but it felt forced and fake, so she let it fall and patted Belle’s hand instead.

 

“Is everything all right?”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head to the left a little. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

Belle gave her a disbelieving look, and Emma did smile this time. Sometimes she missed the days where she could just say she was fine when she wasn’t and get away with it. There had been a time when nobody knew her well enough to know when she was lying to them, and even if they did, they never cared enough about her to try to get the truth out of her. But now there were people who wanted to be there for her, who checked in, who offered her a shoulder to lean on when she might need it – or a quiet space in the library to get away from everything from time to time. Oh, how things had changed so much for her since Henry brought her to Storybrooke. She had _people_ now, and it was still a strange concept but she loved them and was happy to have them all in her life.

 

So Emma shook her head and went with a more honest answer. “I have a lot on my mind.”

 

Belle nodded and pulled out a chair from underneath the table Emma was sitting on.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Emma questioned, spinning around so she was facing the other woman as she took a seat.

 

The brunette nodded easily. “Of course you can.”

 

“It’s about Rumpel,” she told her, watching for a reaction to see if Belle was okay talking about him. Belle only nodded again, patiently waiting. “Well, really, I guess it’s more about you.”

 

“Oh?”

 

Emma bit the corner of her lip and rubbed the back of her neck. “The book – Henry’s book – doesn’t really give the full story about what happened between you and Rumpel in the Enchanted Forest. I know bits and pieces, but...”

 

Emma licked her lips. She knew what she wanted to ask about might be a touchy subject for Belle, for what she wanted to ask about was also the same day that Regina had taken her prisoner and kept her locked up until after the curse in Storybrooke had been broken. She didn’t want to make her think about that.

 

“Emma?” Belle searched her face, looking at her with questioning eyes like she was trying to figure out where Emma had gone off to.

 

Letting out a huff, she changed direction. “How did you two end up together? I mean, when you went for it in the beginning, back then, he pushed you away, didn’t he?”

 

Belle’s brow furrowed for a moment and her hands brushed down her skirt, a thoughtful look taking over her features as she answered carefully, “He did, yes.”

 

“And now you’re _married_ and having a kid. Isn’t that, like, _wow_ to you?”

 

A small laugh floated out from Belle’s throat.

 

“I just mean, things changed so much from then. I’m sure you weren’t imagining this would be your life after that day.”

 

“To be honest, I had not the slightest idea of what my life would be like after he, as you put it, pushed me away, no. I knew that he loved me, though. And although he was not brave enough to believe in what was true, I knew I loved him.” She smiled nostalgically, a far away look in her eyes as she appeared to get lost in a thought. “Of course, I would have never had imagined any of what took place from that night on happening, but I think we have finally reached a place where he’s being honest with me and we can move forward and create a family together. Our love for each other, even at the worst of times, never truly went away. I think that is a huge part of the reason why Rumpel and I made it this far after all we’ve been through.”

 

Emma nodded her head as she followed along, watching the way Belle glowed when she spoke about Rumpel. The love she felt for him was almost tangible, and it made Emma wonder how he could have ever believed what she felt for him wasn’t real. It also made her wonder how he had lived with himself after hurting her so many times. She didn’t care much about Rumpel outside of him being her kid’s grandfather and her friend’s husband, but she did hope he truly was doing better, that he had finally learned how to put Belle and his family first for real this time.

 

“Now may I ask you something?” Belle asked with a small smile, holding Emma’s gaze.

 

Emma’s stomach flipped, but she moved her head up and down slowly in agreement. “Yeah, sure.”

 

“Has something happened between you and Regina?”

 

“Huh?” she half-spluttered, not expecting the question.

 

Belle rolled her eyes a little, her smile growing across her face. “Oh, give me some credit. I think I know you well enough by now to know that sitting around talking about my and Rumpel’s love life isn’t exactly what you’d call a good time.”

 

Emma plucked at the hair elastic around her wrist, pulling it and then letting it snap back as she chewed on her lower lip in thought.

 

“Is she pushing you away? Was that the reason for your question?” the perceptive brunette asked in a kind voice, soft and not too much, not pushy, just open and enough to show Emma she could talk to her.

 

“Why–” Emma cleared her throat and scratched nervously at the back of her neck. “What– why would you think this had anything to do with Regina?”

 

Belle considered something silently, and the silence made Emma a little antsy. Thankfully, it didn’t last too long. Belle shifted a little in her chair and looked around them, the library still quiet with only the soft hum of the air conditioner in the background. When Belle spoke, she leaned forward a little and kept her voice low.

 

“It sounded to me as though you might be looking for advice – relationship advice.”

 

“Uh.” Emma blinked slowly, her stomach in knots. “No. I was just... Regina and I aren’t....” Emma made gestures with her hands that were about as erratic and frantic as the beating of her heart in her chest as she tried to back her way out of this conversation. “Listen, I don’t know what made you think that, but, well, no.”

 

“Relax,” Belle said softly, reaching over and placing a hand on Emma’s bouncing knee, stopping her from moving. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I just thought you might need a friend.”

 

Emma frowned as she looked away from the other woman, feeling like everything around her was moving too quickly. “There’s nothing to talk about,” she told her quietly.

 

“Okay,” Belle responded simply, patting Emma’s knee twice before pulling her hand away.

 

Emma shook her head, and muttered, “No, I mean, there’s nothing to talk about because nothing has happened.” She let out a rough breath and dared a quick look out of the corner of her eye to make sure Belle was still listening. “Regina and I are just friends,” she made clear, the words feeling heavy in her mouth. “Truthfully, that’s all.”

 

“All right. I understand.”

 

Emma nodded silently and picked at the elastic on her wrist as she let words move around her head and form sentences that slowly started to leave her mouth, her voice barely able to be heard over the sound of the air conditioner because she was afraid to speak them too loudly.

 

“I tried talking to her about my feelings earlier, but it didn’t go well. She didn’t push me away, not really, but I thought she might. I didn’t give her the chance to. I told her that I wanted to be more than friends, that I liked her, and she didn’t say anything in response. Nothing. So when she did start to respond, I walked away. I guess I was afraid of what she might say, what she needed to take the time to think about before she could respond to me, you know?”

 

“You were worried she was going to reject you.”

 

It wasn’t phrased as a question, but Emma still nodded her head.

 

“That’s understandable.”

 

Emma started to nod, but she stopped mid-nod as Belle continued on.

 

“But how will you know how she feels if you don’t give her a chance to tell you? You know Regina better than I do, and I will not claim to understand what she might have been thinking at the time, but perhaps what she had to say was not bad at all. Perhaps she needed a moment to reach where you were. Maybe she wasn’t ready to vocalize her feelings and you surprised her with your own.”

 

Emma worked her fingers through her hair as she huffed out a breath, her shoulders feeling weighed down. “I shouldn’t have said anything to her. I feel like everything is going to be weird and awkward now, and it didn’t need to be. I messed things up between us, I know it.”

 

“Hey, no.” Belle shook her head, standing up from her chair and looking straight into Emma’s eyes. “Don’t say that. No matter what the outcome might be, it is _always_ best to remain honest with yourself and those around you – especially when it concerns your heart. You’re going to thank yourself one day for choosing to be open with Regina. Maybe not right now when everything feels uncertain and you don’t know what to expect next. But I guarantee you will look back and be proud of yourself for being brave enough to tell her how you felt.

 

“And for what it’s worth, I’m already quite proud of you, my friend. I hope you and Regina can sit down and have an honest conversation. I think you’ll find that things do not need to be awkward or weird at all once you’re both facing what is in front of you without holding back.”

 

Emma felt a small smile pull at her lips as she nodded her head. She let out a freeing breath and shook away her negativity, as much as she could easily let go of. “You’re good at this, you know?”

 

Belle gave her a confused look, one of her eyebrows arching.

 

Emma gestured vaguely between them with one of her hands. “The talking, figuring out when someone needs you. Your kid is going to be lucky to have you as a mom.”

 

Something surprised and happy bloomed in front of Emma’s eyes, making Belle’s face glow with warmth before arms were suddenly around her, pulling her forward and down a little to hug the other woman. Emma’s eyes widened with her own surprise, but she returned the hug, laughing quietly at the unexpected embrace.

 

Belle pulled away after a few heartbeats, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry. I was overcome with gratitude.”

 

Emma waved her off, smiling back at her. “Heightened emotions. I remember that.”

 

The sound of people coming in to the library made them look towards the front, and Belle gave Emma’s arm a quick friendly squeeze. Emma slid off the table, knowing it was time for her to get going. And after a few more words, they both headed out to the front, Emma feeling a lot better than she had earlier.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina was in the kitchen when she heard the front door close, offset spatula in her hand covered in homemade frosting. She looked up from the cake she was finishing up, listening carefully to see if she could figure out who had just entered the house. She had not heard from Emma since lunchtime – and she had not tried contacting the blonde – so she wasn’t sure if she should be expecting her or not. It was probably Henry, home from a day at the youth center with his friends; it was around the time he usually arrived home if David or Snow didn’t catch him first. They sometimes brought him to the diner for a milkshake or hot chocolate, which, of course, he never turned down despite knowing dinner was only an hour after his usual arrival time.

 

“I’m home,” he called out, and an instant smile pulled at the corners of her lips.

 

Unknowingly, she had been holding her breath, but she released it when she heard the sound of Henry’s voice. “I’m in the kitchen,” she answered, continuing with her layered cake.

 

The kitchen door swung open and Henry walked in, grinning at her in greeting and then eyeing the cake for a moment or two before he fully entered the kitchen. “Did you and Emma have a fight?” he asked with a chuckle, walking over to the fridge. “Chocolate cake? That’s her favorite.”

 

Regina’s hand froze in place for a moment, her eyes on the back of his head, but she quickly shook off the chill that was trying to creep into her bones and moved past the lighthearted question, forcing a smile to stay on her mouth even though the mention of Emma made her stomach flip and flop enough to make her feel sick.

 

“How was your day, sweetheart? Emma mentioned there was an assembly at the center today. What was that for?” Regina questioned smoothly, putting down her spatula and watching as he took a seat on the other side of the island.

 

Henry downed half his cup of milk at once and picked up the bitten cookie he had taken from the cookie jar. He shrugged his shoulders and took a bite, mumbling around it as he answered. “I dunno.” Regina gave him a warning look that quieted him instantly, his lips pressed together as he chewed the food in his mouth. He washed it down with some of his milk and then continued. “It was just boring stuff about safety and fire drills, nothing we don’t go over in school. Ma looked as bored as we did.” He laughed a little.

 

Regina shook her head in disapproval, but she couldn’t stop a small smile from appearing as she watched him. He was getting so big, so mature, but sometimes he reminded her of her little boy so much that she wished she could slow down time and have him young for so much longer than she actually could.

 

He flicked his eyes up and caught her staring, but he didn’t say anything as a light flush of color spread across his cheeks and he chewed silently on his cookie. Regina walked around the island and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, closing her eyes and breathing in his scent. She remembered doing the same when he was a baby, and it was something she continued as he got older. No matter what else was going on in her life, if she could have this, have her son near, everything would be all right.

 

She dropped another kiss on his head and then brushed the dark locks with her fingertips. “When you are finished with your snack, can you take the baking dish from the fridge and move it to the oven? I'm going to go upstairs for a shower.”

 

He nodded, smiling up at her. “Sure thing.”

 

“And do you mind - -?” She waved a finger at the island, mostly clean because she cleaned as she worked, but still a few dirty items spread across the surface.

 

“Do I get a slice for all my hard work?” he asked with a hopeful grin that reminded her of his other mother, bright and big and capable of spreading warmth throughout her chest.

 

Her stomach flipped again and she placed one hand over her midsection as the other brushed through his hair again. “How about you worry about doing as I asked first? And then later we’ll see about the cake.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” he agreed, getting up from the seat, his height still a shock to Regina when she was without her heels and he stood beside her. “Anything else?”

 

She shook her head and patted his cheek tenderly, lovingly. “No, that will be all. Thank you for your help.”

 

“No problem.”

 

Regina took off her apron as she watched him gather the dirty dishes from the island and bring them to the sink, swiping his finger over the spatula to remove the frosting that lingered. She shook her head as he popped his finger in his mouth and hummed approvingly, affection bubbling inside her chest. He turned her way and gave her a thumbs up, and Regina smiled before exiting the kitchen, knowing he could handle the small tasks she had given him.

 

She rubbed at the back of her neck as she took the stairs to the second floor, trying to release some the tightness that had formed while bending her head over her desk for hours. She dug in with the tips of her fingers and rolled small circles, groaning in the back of her throat as she made her way to her bedroom.

 

When she reached the inside of her room, she shut the door and started pushing the tiny buttons on her shirt through their holes so she could remove the blouse and get into the shower. The hot water would hopefully help with her tense shoulders and the pain in her neck, and she needed some time to think. She had kept Emma and their interrupted conversation locked away in a corner of her mind as she worked, as she drove home, and had left it there as she worked on dinner and the cake. However, Regina knew she needed to think a few things through before she came face to face with Emma again. She needed to be prepared for the conversation, wanted to do it properly this time.

 

She placed her shirt on the armchair to be taken care of later, and then her slacks followed, leaving her in a lace camisole and a matching bra and panties set. She walked on bare feet into her bathroom, turned the water on for the shower, and then let out a heavy sigh as she unlocked the door that had kept the thoughts locked away.

 

Regina sighed as she stepped under the hot spray a few minutes later, her eyes closed as she tilted her head back and let the water fall down on her. During the time between leaving the Sheriff’s Station and stepping into the shower, her mind had cleared a considerable amount. It had cleared enough for her to think with a lot more ease than she had been able to when standing in front of Emma. She worked her fingers through her hair and down her neck, taking calming breaths as her hands slid across her skin, a foamy body wash soon being added to the mix.

 

It was easy for Regina to let her mind drift away when she was alone and there was nothing but the sound of the water raining down on her and the shower floor. She did a lot of thinking as she got ready in the morning, or before getting ready for bed at night – she prepared for meetings, planned meals, decided which chores and errands she would take care of and in which order, and on days like this one, she thought about more serious topics. As the steam filled the air this evening, the question on Regina’s mind was simple. _What do you want?_

 

What did Regina want?

 

That was easy, she thought. She wanted what had felt like the impossible for so long but was now happening around her every day. Regina Mills wanted happiness, true and complete happiness – and she had that already. Well, she had more happiness in her life than she had ever had before. For some, yeah, perhaps there could be more, perhaps they would _hope_ for more. But Regina had hoped and, for once, actually received, and wanting for more felt like it would only lead to her losing it all because she was not grateful for what she had.

 

Everything Regina wanted could be found in the family that had been unimaginable not too many years ago. Henry would always be who was most important to her, the boy who had shown her love and helped her realize how much love there was inside of her own heart. He was her family before there was anyone else. But now there _were_ others, and she loved them just as fiercely, even the ones who annoyed the hell out of her sometimes. She had a sister and a beautiful niece who filled her heart with bright warmth when she smiled when Regina held her. Snow and David sometimes treated her like _she_ was their third child, as though she wasn’t older than the both of them, and even though she was a little extra sassy and rolled her eyes one too many times in their presence on occasion, she was happy to be accepted as part of their family. And she had Emma, Emma who continuously fought for her and wanted nothing but the best for Regina.

 

But what else did she want?

 

Regina pushed herself to be honest, completely honest, no more hiding feelings behind walls and pretending like they didn’t exist.

 

An image slowly formed in her mind, dreamlike until it was vivid and everything inside of her ached with longing and too much wanting, ached because what she saw was probably too much to ask for. She saw herself standing at the stove and Emma behind her, strong arms wrapped around her and a chin pressing into her shoulder. There were content smiles on both of their faces, that _Emma warmth_ that blonde caused in her eyes, and love in the air as Emma turned her head and brushed her lips across Regina’s. She saw Henry playing peekaboo with Robyn and Neal, both of them older and sitting in their highchairs, giggling. She saw Snow and Zelena behind herself and Emma, laughing as Snow chopped vegetables and Zelena sat with her legs crossed and a martini glass in her hand, telling a tale that even had David laughing as he grabbed plates and brought them out to the dining room. She saw all of them, happy, united, and Emma happier than Regina had ever seen her before.

 

Even more than her own happiness, in that moment, Regina wanted Emma’s. She wanted to hear her laughter and see her smile and know it was going to last, that she knew she belonged there. She wanted to be a part of Emma’s happiness.

 

What did Regina want?

 

She wanted to give Emma her happy ending.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma closed her car door for the fourth of fifth time, made it halfway to the front door, and then lost her nerve and turned away from the house that she had been calling home.

 

She blew out a frustrated breath and got back inside her car, slammed the door shut with herself on the other side of it this time, and turned the key in the ignition. She couldn’t go inside, had gone back and forth on what she would do and say when she saw Regina again. They could just put it all behind them, or they could talk about it and Emma could finally, hopefully, know what Regina was thinking, or maybe they could just avoid it and act like Emma never even thought that telling Regina that she liked her was a good idea. No matter what happened next, Emma knew she couldn’t spend her night walking up and down Regina’s walkway – which was why she drove away from the house, hands tight around the steering wheel.

 

After her talk with Belle earlier in the day, Emma had done some thinking on her own. She had come to a conclusion that didn’t sit well with her at first, but once she thought about it a little longer, she knew that it was what was best for her and Regina both. Emma had decided that, if things didn’t go well, she would move her stuff out of Regina’s guest room and go back to living at her house full-time. It would mean things wouldn’t have to be awkward. She didn’t want Regina avoiding her in her own house, and Emma didn’t want to have to always wonder if she was only being tolerated there, no longer really welcomed. It wouldn’t feel like home anymore, and Emma thought it would be best for her to leave on her own before she pushed Regina to a point where she got rid of Emma herself.

 

But they needed to talk before she even knew if that was a step she needed to take, and they couldn’t talk if Emma couldn’t even face Regina.

 

She stopped at a stop sign and rubbed her face with angry hands, annoyed with how she was handling this. It didn’t have to be this hard. It didn’t have to be this complicated. It just... Emma sighed, forcing the pout off her lips. It felt like she could lose everything, and it scared her, scared her to think that she could lose both her home and best friend by the end of the night.

 

Emma started driving again, made a right turn, and then another, and then one more on Regina’s street, pulling back up to the spot she had been in just a few minutes before. She couldn’t seem to stay away, and that was because she knew she needed to talk to Regina, no matter how difficult it might be.

 

So Emma decided she would sit there until she could muster up the courage she needed, even if it took all night.

 

It was only five minutes later that her cell phone buzzed, vibrating in her jacket pocket. Her heart leaped and she looked towards the house. Maybe sitting in front of the house wasn’t her best idea. Expecting a message from Regina, she was a little surprised to see Henry’s name instead. She exhaled a heavy breath and opened her messages, reading his with mix of emotions swirling in her chest.

 

 **_Henry:_ ** **Mario Kart in the basement in 5? I’ll bring cake.**

 

She looked over to his window just in time to see the curtain shift, and she knew he had probably been watching her and waiting. It was his invitation that finally made her leave the car for good, walking to the side door with her hands deep in her pockets as she wondered how much he knew already. Had Regina told him not to expect her coming there? Had she made up an excuse for her missing dinner? Realizing how what happened between her and Regina affected Henry only made it all feel more complicated, made her wish that she hadn’t said anything even more than she originally had. Things were going well for all of them, and he had both of his moms under the same roof most of the time. Emma didn’t want to take that away from him.

 

She sighed heavily and went to open the door, only to have it pulled open before she could reach for the handle. “Come on. Mom’s upstairs,” he said in a hushed tone, like he was sneaking her in.

 

He _was_ sneaking her in, she realized as she stepped into the dark house and nearly fell down the stairs that were just a few feet away from the door. She quickly righted her foot and didn’t question the light of the flashlight that she was meant to use to see, just took the stairs silently and brought them to the game room in the back.

 

“Does Regina know you’re down here?” Emma asked when she pushed the door open.

 

Henry flicked the switch and flooded the room with light. He passed Emma a container and a fork, and then he walked past her, heading over to the sectional in front of the large flat-screen TV, a late Christmas present for the family – which Henry must have believed was code for 'for Henry' since he hogged the thing.

 

“Mom said I could play after the kitchen was clean. And you know how Mom is. The kitchen was basically already clean when I went in there, so I just needed to finish the dishes and wipe down the counters.” He plopped down on the sofa and patted the cushion beside him. “She’s reading upstairs. You can come sit down.”

 

Emma eyed him suspiciously for a moment, but she crossed the room with her fork and container – chocolate-frosted yellow cake, she noted – and sat down on the comfy sofa, her favorite in the whole house. It was quiet and just a tad uncomfortable for a moment, Emma not knowing what to do next. But then Henry scooted back and got comfortable, turned the television on, and grinned at her. She felt herself relax then, returned her son’s smile and sat back as well, remembering game nights back in New York and how they found a way to connect without even needing to talk.

 

And it was then that she understood what was going on. He was doing his thing where he wanted to help, where he understood she didn’t need words or anything, where he knew he could just be there and that would be enough for her. She felt her heart warm and leaned against the side of his body as he started up the video game and passed her a controller.

 

“Ready to lose to the champion?” he asked with a smug look, open container of cake on his lap.

 

Emma half-laughed in her throat and kicked her shoes off so she could bring her feet up onto the sofa. “I don’t know,” she dragged out with humor in her tone. “If I remember correctly, I’m actually pretty good at this one. I think _you_ should be the one prepared to lose.”

 

Henry scoffed. “Let’s see about that.”

 

And they played, and ate cake, and halfway through their time together, Emma, without taking her eyes off the screen, said: “You’re a good kid, you know?”

  
And Henry got distracted looking at her and didn’t even see her passing him and winning the game – but it was all right, Emma knew, because it wasn’t about who won or lost, it was just about being there for each other.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina caught Henry coming up from the basement with two dirty containers in his hand, but she only looked down at them thoughtfully before smiling at him softly.

 

“Make sure you wash those before heading to bed, Henry,” she told him.

 

He nodded and looked at her for a long moment before he moved forward and kissed her cheek.

 

Regina, surprised but delighted, raised her eyebrow slightly. “What was that for?”

 

He shrugged his shoulders and looked towards the basement door. “Just thought you might need it.”

 

She smiled brightly at him, feeling the warm glow that grew somewhere deep inside of her heart because of him get warmer. “I can always use one of your kisses,” she replied, tucking her fingers underneath his chin and making him tilt his head down so she could kiss his forehead. She knew the day would soon come when he thought he was too old for the affection she wanted to bury him in, so she took advantage of the fact that he seemed to be in a giving mood lately. “Always.”

 

After he left her and headed to the kitchen, Regina turned to face the basement door. She had known he was down there, and after seeing Emma’s car in front of the house, she had guessed that she was down there with him. She had not interrupted their time together, but she had found reasons to be in the vicinity when the door opened, hoping Emma would be coming through it. She was determined to speak to her and make things right; she just needed the right moment to present itself.

 

But that was asking for too much, she knew, and walked over to the door and made the ‘right moment’ happen when she said it did. She took a few of her slow breaths and then turned the knob, about to reach for the light switch when she heard a startled gasp and noticed Emma a few feet away at the door that led to the side yard.

 

Her stomach felt heavy and she dropped her hand, not bothering with the light, not even relying on that which shone from behind her. She stepped down the single step that turned into a small landing and shut the door behind her, not wanting Henry to see them in case Emma really was doing what she assumed she was about to do.

 

“Are you leaving?” Regina asked, keeping her voice low enough only to be heard by the other woman.

 

Emma looked down at her shoes, shrugging awkwardly. She looked tired, and even though Regina couldn’t see her face all that well, she knew there was a frown pulling at her lips as she stuffed her hands into her pockets. “It kinda feels like I should. I don’t know.”

 

Regina swallowed slowly and licked her lips, not wanting Emma to leave but also not wanting to force her to stay. She looked around them, towards the stairs and then behind her. “I think we should talk. I was hoping we could do so downstairs while Henry got ready for bed.”

 

Emma lifted her head ever so slightly and looked at Regina out the corner of one eye, took a moment, and then nodded silently before spinning around and walking down the stairs in the dark. Regina followed her, holding on to the wall and keeping her eyes on her feet. Emma brought them to the room that she and Henry had been in, the air smelling of chocolate. Emma didn’t switch on the light, just sat down on the sofa with her hands stuck underneath her thighs, waiting. Regina turned on the light and blinked slowly, not sure if she should move closer or stay where she was. Deciding the distance might make the conversation easier at first, she leaned against the wall next to the doorway and crossed one ankle over the other.

 

Planning the conversation in her head was far easier than actually having it. When she thought about how this would go, she had imagined Emma would at least be looking at her and not staring a hole into the floor between her feet. But she reminded herself that the last time the topic of feelings between them came up, the conversation hadn’t gone how Emma was surely hoping it would. She had to remind herself that she hadn’t done very well with being open with Emma like Emma been had with her, even if she had intended to do so and hadn’t been able to because Emma walked away from her. Most likely, Regina realized, this was a conversation Emma was going to have without fully being certain that she wanted to have it. If Regina knew Emma as well as she believed she did, then Emma was probably imagining the worst possibilities and fighting her instinct to escape before what she imagined became reality.

 

Regina sighed and glanced around the room before settling on the crown of Emma’s bent head. “I wanted to apologize,” she started, her voice almost loud in the silence, even as she spoke softly. She didn’t apologize too often, but when she was truly feeling apologetic, she did. “I know it must have been difficult for you to put yourself out there the way you did earlier.”

 

Emma lifted her head, but she didn’t say anything.

 

Regina pinched the webbing between her thumb and forefinger absently as she gathered her thoughts and tried to ignore the uneasy flipping in her stomach. “Taking that chance and expressing how you feel couldn’t have been easy, I know that, and my silence in response to what you said didn’t make it any easier for you. I’m–”

 

“No,” Emma interrupted, her face screwing up with a mixture of too many emotions for Regina to properly catalog each of them. “You don’t get to do that,” she said, and it was anger and a little bit of hurt Regina heard in her voice.

 

Regina’s eyebrows knitted together, unsure what it was she was doing that was upsetting Emma, what had caused Emma to go from radio silence to anger-laced sharp whispers. "Do what?"

 

Emma waved her hand in front of herself in one of her vague gestures. “That. You don’t get to say you understand what it was like for me.”

 

“I do,” Regina started to say, but she cut herself off before she could finish her thought and sighed heavily. “You’re right.” She didn’t know what it was like for Emma. She hadn’t been able to take that step herself, had decided it was best to keep her feelings and desires to herself, best to hide them. She didn’t know what it was like to go after what she wanted when what she wanted was a relationship with Emma, and so Emma was right.

 

Emma looked taken aback for a quick moment, like she had expected more of a fight, more resistance. But then she worked her fingers through her hair and continued, her voice rough with emotions that seemed to be bubbling up from somewhere deep inside her as she spoke. "You weren't the one who stood there like an idiot, telling someone you like them and waiting for them to say something back to you."

  
  
"No... No, I wasn't. I--" Regina started responding, but Emma cut her off.

 

As her voice raised, the hurt look in her eyes became stronger, deeper, harder for Regina to look at. "I did more than just 'put myself out there'. I've never done that. I've never told someone that I want to be with them. I've never made that first move with anyone. I took a risk. I risked losing something that’s important to me, this, us, what I have here with you and Henry. And even though I didn't know what you would say or do, I thought you would at least say _something._ But there was nothing. Nothing.”

 

Regina’s heart pounded in her chest, ached with the pain in Emma’s voice. “I was going to–”

 

“When?” Emma asked immediately, not even letting Regina finish.

 

Regina rubbed at her temples. “Did I respond automatically? No. But I tried to, Emma. To be fair, you didn’t give me much of a chance to once I felt ready to give you an adequate response.”

 

Emma scoffed, looking at Regina like she couldn’t believe the words that had just left her mouth. "What? The five minutes where you looked at me like I was crazy for even thinking about the possibility of as a couple wasn't enough for you?"

 

Regina wrapped an arm around herself as she shook her head. "That isn't fair. I wasn't thinking anything remotely close to that."  
  
  
"How was I supposed to know that when you just stood there?” Emma practically shouted, standing up from the sofa. “Huh?"

 

Regina glanced down the dark hall, towards the stairs, hoping Henry wasn’t listening in on them and able to hear everything they were saying. When she turned back to Emma, she noticed that her eyes were starting to water and it made her chest feel tight. “Emma,” Regina breathed, pushing away from the wall, intending to cross over to Emma.

 

“Don’t,” Emma said before she could even fully leave her spot, though, wiping furiously at her eyes. She pulled her hair into a quick ponytail and fixed her shirt, and Regina could see what was coming next before it even happened. “I’m fine,” she huffed out defiantly and started walking towards Regina, towards the doorway.

 

This wasn’t what she had been expecting, not at all how she imagined the conversation going. She let out a frustrated breath and followed Emma into the darkness, wanting to reach out and make her stop but also knowing when that was a bad idea – and it was definitely a bad idea right then.

 

“Can you please give me a chance to give you a proper response to what you said earlier?” Regina asked, hearing her own emotions coat her words, make them almost sound desperate as she pled. She didn’t care, not when Emma was walking away from her again. This was important to her. _Emma_ was important to her.

 

Emma spun around quickly, almost too quickly, making Regina stumble a little as she was forced to stop walking so she didn’t walk into Emma. “You know what? No. You had a chance to say whatever you wanted already, and you didn’t. You didn’t. And I don’t care anymore. I don’t. I _can’t_ care anymore. Whatever you’re going to say, whether it is good or bad, it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Regina said, feeling as though her heart was going to burn with the amount of hurt that instantly flooded it.

 

“It doesn’t. I thought we could talk about this and fix it, but I was wrong. It’s not enough. I’m tired of not being worth the risk. If you wanted me, you would have just told me that, and you didn’t. You didn’t,” she said, her words catching in her throat as she wiped at her eye again. "I wasn't worth it."

  
Regina squeezed her eyes shut and willed her own emotions to stay under control, could feel her eyes burning. And when she opened them, not even two seconds later, Emma was rushing away from her, going going going and leaving Regina behind with a heavy heart and words left unsaid that would undoubtedly cause her almost as much pain as seeing Emma leave her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't hate me xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just love it when stories decide not to go where you want them to? *sigh* 
> 
> Day 7 is finally finished! Can't believe I'm almost done with this story. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me and the story, for all your comments and reblogs/retweets.

**physical intimacy**

 

There was a slight breeze as Emma sat on the wooden bench, staring at the pond on the other side of the field. The sun was shining brightly in the sky despite the morning chill, and its light played in the calm water, danced across it and made it glitter. She had her coffee and a book, but she had yet to open the book and her coffee was getting cold as she held it over her folded legs.

 

She had needed the quiet, needed to get out of the loft and away from Snow’s eager-to-help looks. Going to the apartment after leaving Regina’s house last night had felt like a better idea than going to her own house, but she hadn’t considered what would happen in the morning when her parents woke up and found out that she had let herself in while they were sleeping to stay the night in her old bed. She hadn’t thought about the possible questions and weird knowing looks, or the fact that David definitely knew something was up and had probably told Snow that something had happened between her and Regina the day before.

 

Snow had brought her tea upstairs when she stayed in bed to avoid an awkward conversation, wanting to get her story straight before facing her mother. But when Snow came in, they hadn’t spoken about much of anything at all. Snow had passed along a message from her father – _her deputy_ – and offered to make breakfast before leaving Emma alone again. She was to take the day off, to take some time for herself. If anything major came up, Snow had told her, he would call her. Emma had been reluctant, and had even called him to remind David that she might be his daughter, but she was also _his_ boss, not the other way around. In the end, she had agreed to the day off, though.

 

Emma had showered and changed into a pair of comfortable jeans and a baseball shirt she found in one of the drawers that still held some of her belongings, items that she never moved into the house she was rarely ever in. After she quickly put her hair up into a ponytail, she’d told Snow she wanted to get some air and then she would come back. She’d sat in her car for a long while, not sure where she was going or what she wanted to do. She had only known that she needed to get away before Snow started questioning what was going on, why Emma had slept there instead of at Regina’s like she normally did. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about that. She didn’t even want to _think_ about that. It was why she had called Archie and canceled her therapy session before her shower, ignoring the concerned look in Snow’s eyes as she did so.

 

Making that phone call in front of Snow had apparently been a mistake.

 

Coming down the hill across the pond, Emma could see Pongo leading Archie down to the large, open field that Emma was sitting in front of. She knew it wasn’t a coincidence that Archie was walking Pongo at the same time she was sitting out there, knew that he was normally in a session with her right now and would usually walk the dalmatian during his lunch break. Huffing out a breath and then bringing her lukewarm coffee to her mouth, she watched him make his way over to where she was, knowing her mother had probably called him right after she left. Emma really needed a new thinking spot, one that half the town didn’t know was where she usually went to be alone.

 

“It sure is a nice day out,” Archie said in lieu of a proper hello when Pongo, tail wagging happily, guided them over to where Emma sat in the middle of the bench.

 

Emma merely raised her brow and hummed as she drank her coffee, squinting as she watched him adjust his glasses. Pongo nuzzled her shins. She reached down and stroked his head. She put her coffee down so she could use both hands, laughing in her throat as he got excited, her hands moving to scratch behind his ears.

 

“Somebody’s happy to be getting out early today, aren’t they?” Emma asked Pongo, smiling at him widely, speaking in an excited tone.

 

Pongo made a small barking sound and nuzzled into her hand with his wet nose, mimicking Emma’s excitement.

 

Archie cleared his throat as he pulled a neon green ball from the pocket of his sports jacket. “I thought Pongo could use some fresh air. Isn’t that right, boy?” Pongo agreed when Archie showed him the ball, his tail wagging quickly once again. “Maybe he’d like to play some fetch.”

 

“Hmm. And you just happened to show up here where I’m at,” she said, side-eying the shrink and then turning back down to the dog, only excitement in her eyes for him. “Fetch sounds fun, doesn’t it, Pongo? Huh? Yeah?” Emma questioned as she reveled in the unadulterated glee he exuded. “You wanna play some fetch?”

 

The doctor held out the ball with one hand and once again pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with the other. “Why don’t you go and throw the ball around with him for a little while, Emma? I think he would like it.”

 

And Emma knew the reason he was really there was because of her. She did not doubt that Pongo would enjoy his time out in the open field, but Emma was more than sure that the real reason Dr Hopper was out in the park instead of in his office wasn’t because of the dog. Still, Emma took the ball and stepped up from her seat and stretched out her limbs, bending back and then forward, down to the dog that was looking up at her with all kinds of happiness twinkling in his eyes.

 

“What do you say, Pongo? You wanna play fetch? You wanna play?” And Pongo got excited and wagged his tail, hopping up onto her with his front paws. Usually a calm dog, the dalmatian was, but he seemed to have taken a liking to Emma and grew extra excited around her. It made her feel special, genuine happiness spreading throughout the blonde that hadn’t been inside her as she sat alone with her thoughts. “Okay, let’s go,” she said, removing his leash.

 

She put the leash down on the bench and then bent over to him, holding the ball in front of his face and making sure he was paying attention to it. She lifted it in the air a little and he bounced up, already panting happily. She scratched behind his ear and did it again, this time stretching up to her full length and bending her arm back as if to throw it. Pongo’s paws started moving, only to stop when he realized the ball was still in Emma’s hand. Finally, she flung her arm back and threw the ball across the field, the bright green ball flying in the air.

 

As Pongo ran away to fetch the ball, Emma looked over to Archie. “I know Snow sent you here.”

 

Archie, who was also watching Pongo, said, “Well, she was worried–” But he cut himself off with a firm shake of his head, as if not to make an excuse for Snow like it sounded like he was about to do. He chose to simply say, “She did,” instead. “How are you feeling today? You don’t usually cancel your appointments. It has been quite some time since you’ve done that.”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders, hands on her hips as she watched Pongo race back over to them. “I’m fine,” she said simply, paying more attention to the spotted dog running through the healthy green grass to her than the silent doctor who she knew was waiting for her to answer him truthfully.

 

She had been getting better at that, just telling him straight out how she was doing, how she felt about something. So Emma understood what his silence meant, knew that he was waiting for her to be ready. Out of all the people Emma had started opening up to since she admitted that she needed to work through some of what had happened to her in the past and what she was still going through, Emma found that Archie was the one it was easiest to talk to sometimes. It wasn’t that she was closer to him than she was her parents, or Belle, or even Regina. Archie normally wasn’t in the middle of what was bothering her, was usually completely on the outside of it, had no opinion or thoughts on the matter before she brought the conversation to him. Sometimes that was what she needed. It simplified things.

 

For a while, there was no talking between the two of them. Emma knew this was all right, though. She had a lot of moments in therapy where she didn’t talk, where she just sat on the couch with her thoughts and he waited. He would let her work through things on her own until she was ready to verbalize her thoughts. And although she was not in therapy, he let her do that as they stood in the shade and Emma played fetch with Pongo.

 

That was another thing Emma knew was not a coincidence, the fetch. There had been a few therapy sessions where they had left the office, where Emma felt like the walls were closing in on her and Archie knew just what she needed. Pongo’s presence was calming inside the office, but getting fresh air and taking him for a walk, getting to play fetch with him, being able to see the dog’s excitement and feel it for herself, calmed her. It was soothing, and Archie knew this.

 

When she was ready to talk, the words that left her mouth were not ones she expected. She expected that she might tell him about the first conversation she and Regina had about Emma wanting more from their relationship, or maybe even the last one. But it was neither of the conversations that she told him about, nor was it how she was feeling. What left her mouth were five words, just five, and they were simple and easy and made her wonder why everything was feeling so difficult.

 

She let out a deep breath and said, “I’m in love with Regina.”

 

And then she was bending down and taking the ball from Pongo’s mouth, scratching behind his ears and holding his his head in her hands, calling him a good boy, not even aware of Archie’s reaction or if he had one at all. For the few moments that she spoke in the happy voice she automatically found herself using around dogs, and even children, now that she found herself constantly being around them, she was completely oblivious to the world around her.

 

It wasn’t until she stood up, stretched her arm back, tossed the ball, and watched the dalmatian run after it, that it truly hit her, that she realized she had said the words aloud. They didn’t feel so heavy, she realized. They just felt like the truth.

 

“You’re in love with Regina,” he repeated. He didn’t ask any questions, nor did he comment on it. Dr Hopper simply repeated the words in his natural calm tone.

 

Emma smiled kind of sheepishly, shrugging one shoulder and bowing her head a little. She kicked at the grass and dirt underneath her foot. “I am,” she said without looking up, but she sounded confident and sure of it. “I think I have been for a while. It’s just... There’s been a lot going on, and I haven’t really fully processed what certain feelings and thoughts meant before.” She licked her lips. “But there was a moment where it all just made sense to me, you know. Regina is...”

 

She caught her lower lip between her teeth, unable to finish her sentence, biting back the wide grin pulling at her cheeks. She felt overwhelmed by the feelings that were rushing through her system as she thought about Regina, couldn’t form proper sentences as she smiled off into the distance. She could see the small smile on Archie’s face as he watched her, studied her, and it made her duck her head again as warmth crawled up her neck and flooded her cheeks.

 

She was still looking down at the ground when she huffed out a breath and shared with him: “It doesn’t feel like a chore with her, or an obligation. I just - -” Emma felt a small burst in her chest, a familiar feeling that made her smile without being able to hold it back, her voice light and breathy for a moment, “- - I just love her.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Emma glanced over at him and saw that he was listening with open interest, encouraging her to continue with that friendly smile of his.

 

She cleared her throat after taking the ball from Pongo and throwing it across the field. “I feel like there’s something pulling me towards Regina sometimes, like I’m drawn to her. I’ve never felt that before, especially not as strongly as I do with her. I admit that it can be overwhelming at times, yes, but not overwhelming in a bad way. You know what I mean? It’s just _more,_ more than what I’m used to feeling for someone – and more than I thought I ever would feel for anyone, if I’m being honest. It’s comfortable with her.

 

“Comfortable,” she breathed out with wonderment, brow wrinkling. She’d never used that word to describe any of her relationships before, never felt like things could just _be_ and she didn’t need to be meeting this and that requirement. “I can be myself with her. She doesn’t expect anything, and that’s a big part of it for me. When someone’s always expecting you to be a certain way, or do a certain thing, it’s kind of impossible to naturally fall in love with them.”

 

Archie nodded his head and scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Was that how it was with Killian?”

 

Emma sighed and nodded her head. “A lot of the time with him it was more like, ‘well, he’s here and he’s not going anywhere’, you know? I thought I could eventually love him the way he said he loved me. There was genuine emotion there, but nothing like this. With Regina it’s...” She huffed. “I think I’d love her even if she didn’t return any of my feelings. That’s how this is so different. I wanted to love him because he loved me, not because of who he was or how he made me feel. But I love Regina because of who she is. He could have been anyone who said they would stick around, but what I feel for Regina is specific to her.

 

“You know how there’ve been times I’ve said that I feel like there’s always someone needing me to be a certain way – and a lot of the times, he was one of those people? They were pushing me to meet their expectations, fulfill a role I never asked for.”

 

“Your job as the Savior,” Archie said with a nod as he followed along.

 

“Yeah.” Emma nodded as well, watching Pongo playing with another dog she recognized from previous outings with the doctor and dalmatian. “Sometimes it got to the point where I felt like everyone needed something from me, and I was fighting to be able to give it to them while not knowing how. But then there was Regina. Regina just let me be  _Emma_ and didn’t ask for anything more. Being with her became a safe place, where I wanted to be whenever everything felt like too much. I knew that I didn’t have to earn my spot there with her, that I didn’t need to give her more and more until I ran out of things to give. Everything I give to Regina is my choice, not something I do because I feel obligated like I have with other people.”

 

“It sounds to me that you have something with Regina that is far healthier and more honest than your previous relationship was.”

 

Emma agreed, having had discussions about how unhealthy her relationship with Killian had been in the past. “Yeah, it is.”

 

“Then what seems to be the issue?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Well.” Archie turned away from watching Pongo and looked directly at Emma. “There seems to be something more to this that you aren’t saying. Are you being as honest with yourself about how you feel as you can be?”

 

Emma twisted her lips together and thought about it for a moment, forced herself to be completely honest. She rubbed at the back of her neck and then shoved her hand into her back pocket, turning away from his patient, non-judging eyes and to the unmoving water of the pond across the field.

 

“I think Regina’s afraid. I think there’s been something between us for a long while now, and I think she’s been aware of it for longer than I have. It explains why she keeps pulling away from me when we get closer. I think what we have, this thing that’s probably more than either of us have had with anyone in the past, more real, more powerful and meaningful... I think she’s afraid of what it means for us.”

 

She heard him hum thoughtfully before he questioned, “And you?”

 

Emma turned her head to look over her shoulder, eyebrow raised. “Me?”

 

“Are you afraid?”

 

She wanted to just shrug it off, simply tell him that there was nothing to be afraid of and move on. But Emma found herself answering honestly, confronting her feelings instead of putting them away in a dark corner where she didn’t have to see them. Her voice was a little lower as she answered him, her eyes once again focused on the pond instead of him. “I’m not afraid of what we could have. I’m afraid she doesn’t want it,” she told him quietly.

 

It was the honest truth, but it made her stomach drop a little, heavy as the words left her mouth.

 

“I’m afraid she doesn’t want me,” she went on, continuing now that she had already opened up to him, “and I’m afraid I don’t know how to move forward from that.”

 

“Have you spoken to Regina about this?” Archie asked.

 

Emma laughed mirthlessly, shaking her head. “In a way, yes. I’ve told her that I want more, that I want to be in a relationship with her. But, honestly, I don’t know how she feels.” She swallowed, admitting, “And that’s mostly my fault.”

 

There was silence for a moment, and then the doctor asked, “Why do you say that?”

 

Emma rolled her eyes a little as she looked up towards the sky, bending her back and holding her hips. She exhaled loudly. “She tried telling me last night, and I told her I didn’t want to hear it, that it didn’t matter. I only said that because...well, because I was afraid, afraid of what she would say. It’s just, I feel like I give and I give and I give and...” She stopped mid-sentence and scrubbed her hands across her face roughly, feeling frustrated, knowing she was on the verge of rambling and getting off topic. “Even if Regina does like me like I like her, I don’t think she would take a chance on me. I don’t think there’s enough here for her to take a chance on us.

 

“She had the chance before to tell me how she felt, what she wanted. This was the second time. When I told her I didn’t want to hear what she had to say, it was hours after I told her how I felt. I felt like I put everything out on the table the first time, and then there was just this long _silence,_ this long period of time where I was just waiting for her to say something. I could just see the rejection.”

 

“Regina’s rejection?”

 

“Hmm. Everybody's rejection,” she said in a low voice, everything hitting her at once.

 

She blinked her eyes rapidly, because she _wasn’t_ going to cry. She had years of trying to move past the feeling of never being enough, and she wasn’t going to let those feelings bubble up in the middle of a park. She wouldn't. She had found people who thought she was enough, she reminded herself. This was different.

 

She shook her head and let out a long breath. “Old habits,” she muttered under her breath, and he said nothing in return, only silently watched as she collected herself. “I’ve had so many years of being used to people rejecting me, taking me in and then getting rid of me once they got what they wanted out of me or I became too much. And, after a while, it hurts. It...” Emma’s voice sounded scratchy to her ears as she continued after a long breath. “You find a way to protect yourself from the hurt, to make sure that nobody can get to a place where they can hurt you.

 

“I think that’s what I was doing last night. I was afraid of what would come next. I don’t think it was necessarily even hearing what she would say. It was just that there was a possibility that everything would change and it would hurt. You know? She’s been a constant for a while now. She’s been... I don’t know. Regina can be– you know Regina. She can put up walls and keep people out like nobody’s business.” She chuckled a little, feeling emotions tugging at her heartstrings but not letting them get any further. She didn’t want to deal with old wounds today. She just wanted to move forward. “I think I was worried that she would do that, distance herself from me, and I wanted to get away before she could.”

 

Dr Hopper let Emma’s words sit for a long moment, the dogs and kids that were enjoying the morning filling the silence. Emma exhaled and let her mind clear a little, feeling as though she was looking at the past 24 hours differently than she had before, seeing more than just her hurt and what she wanted. She felt like she understood the deeper reasonings behind her actions, and even understood some of what Regina might have been feeling.

 

“So what now?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You’ve told Regina how you feel. She has tried to tell you how she feels. Is that correct?” Emma nodded. He straightened out his jacket. “But you did not allow her to tell you. Do you want to know?”

 

“I do,” Emma admitted, letting out a long breath.

 

“I think it might be a good idea for you to discuss this with Regina. It appears to be something you’re tightly holding onto inside that you need to let out. If you do not properly deal with this, you will continue to worry about the what ifs. Do you think you can move forward without speaking to Regina about this, without finding out how she truly feels?”

 

Emma turned her head to Archie, unsure of her answer when she said, “I don’t know, but I think I could.”

 

“Or would you just be holding it in?” She shrugged, but he didn’t let her get away with that. “Would you just be holding it in if you didn’t speak about it?” he repeated.

 

“Yes, most likely,” she responded honestly.

 

“So, perhaps it would be a good idea for you to speak to Regina,” he said, and Emma nodded. “Both of you are now aware of how you feel, Emma. Now you can give Regina the opportunity to express how she feels, and hopefully that is something she still wants to share. If not, you will have to find a different way to move forward that works best for you – and I will be more than happy to assist with that.”

 

Emma nodded and leaned back against the tree, feeling less like she needed to run and more like she could face what came next.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

It had been a long day for Regina.

 

After Emma had left the night before, Regina had gone upstairs to say goodnight to Henry, and then gone back downstairs to her study. She had closed the door gently and poured herself two fingers of whiskey, brought it with her to the record player, and then put on the first record in her collection. It was not what she listened to that had mattered at that moment, only that there was something to fill the deafening silence that had filled the house after the sound of Emma closing the side door with a loud bang had faded.

 

She’d settled into the corner of one of her seats and let her eyelids fall shut while exhaling, not hearing the soft music that played in the background, unaware of the smooth voices and the saxophone, her mind otherwise occupied. She had needed time alone to calm down the emotional storm inside of her, had enough self-awareness to know how easily her anger could be triggered, how quickly it could be brought to the surface if she did nothing to pull it back. Regina was also aware that allowing herself to fuel her anger would do her more harm than good, and so she had given herself some time alone to breathe, to think, but not to stew.

 

She had been upset with Emma. She had also been upset with herself. But when she replayed the conversation and the memory of Emma walking out on her, it was mostly Emma’s actions that made her jaw clench and her blood feel like it was running hot inside her veins. Emma hadn’t given her a  proper chance to speak, to express what she was feeling, and after working herself up to be ready to finally put everything out on the table, she couldn’t help but feel hurt that Emma not only took that chance from her but said that it didn’t even matter what she had to say.

 

Regina understood that she didn’t have the best track record, that a pattern had developed where she was pulling away when Emma would do something that changed the dynamic of their relationship or gave it more depth. But they had already spoken about that. Regina had said she would work on not pulling away. But how could she if Emma did the pulling away for her? Emma had run instead of allowing Regina to show that she didn’t want to pull away. She had expected the conversation would be a difficult one to have because of her initial reaction to Emma’s confession, yes, but difficult to have and impossible because Emma walked away from it again were not the same thing.

 

Regina had sipped on her whiskey and tried to understand Emma’s side of the situation. It was the only way she would be able to move forward without holding on to the negative feelings that were swirling inside of her. It was a battle she was used to, one against her anger and pain, her instincts to feed the small negative seeds until they bloomed into something that was blown out of proportion and no longer rational. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

 

For long hours she had sat there, and by the time she could finally say she mostly understood where Emma was coming from, it was nearly dawn.

 

What Regina still could not fully wrap her head around when she went into the kitchen and started the coffee pot was why Emma had not at least let Regina tell her how she felt as well.

 

She understood why Emma left. The idea that she needed to leave or be left was not something new for the blonde, and Regina knew that. She wasn’t upset with Emma for leaving – but she was hurt because she thought they had an understanding, that Emma knew Regina wasn’t going to leave or push her away. Even when Regina did put distance between them, she was always conscious of it, made sure it wasn’t so much that Emma felt like she no longer wanted her in her life.

 

Despite still being hurt by it, she understood that what Emma said before leaving was mostly her way of distancing herself. They had a lot in common, some good and some bad. Regina understood being hurtful to push someone away. She also understood that there was truth in her words – maybe not that it didn’t matter to Emma what Regina felt, that it didn’t change anything, but that she couldn’t face it, that she didn’t want to.

 

Regina had worked through Emma’s reactions and words until she could only be upset with herself, until she could only see how her initial response in the sheriff's station was at the root of it all. Emma telling her that she wanted to enter a romantic relationship with her had surprised Regina, and she had needed time to process that, to work through what had been said to her. She hadn’t been ready to be open and honest about how she felt then, and it had hurt Emma. She understood that, and she wished that she could have fixed that down in the basement – but it had been too late. Emma had already had her mind set, whether Emma was aware of it or not. Emma had already decided that Regina would react poorly, and because of that, the conversation Regina had planned in her head wouldn’t have even been possible. Emma had already been ready to run. She just needed a reason.

 

The morning had come quickly, and Regina had still been deep in her thoughts as she got ready for work. Perhaps two or so years ago, Regina would have allowed herself to hold on to the foul feelings. She would not have even bothered trying to get a deeper understanding of her feelings, and she especially wouldn’t have put in the effort to understand how Emma was feeling. She would not have pushed herself to see both of their sides. But not only had a lot changed between herself and Emma Swan, a lot inside of Regina had changed. She was a lot more comfortable facing what she used to keep buried deep deep down inside where even she couldn’t see it. She was better at talking about what bothered her, dealing with it so it didn’t grow into something ugly and dark inside of her.

 

By the middle of the day, Regina had decided that the best way to move forward was to give Emma her space. If she expected Emma to understand why she needed that time to process, she needed to accept that Emma might need the distance, needed to understand why she had run.

 

Space and time, Regina had decided, was what she would give to Emma.

 

So, it had been a long day, and it was now late into Thursday night. Regina had not spoken to Emma all day, had not attempted to contact the blonde even once. Another dinner without Emma had passed, and while it wasn’t quite the same with her spot empty at the dinner table, she and Henry made the best of the night together. After enjoying a delicious meal, they had watched a little mindless television together. Even though she had told him she was perfectly fine when he asked as they cleaned up the kitchen, she had noticed him checking up on her when he thought she wasn’t looking. The moments like those reminded her how caring and observant her son was, and at the end of the night, she had pulled him in for a long hug and felt terribly grateful to be his mother.

 

She was comfortably settled in her bed with a copy of _The Spy_ on her lap, her bedroom door cracked open just in case Emma decided to come home. She knew the possibility of that happening was low, but it didn’t feel right having the bedroom that the blonde had taken over being empty for the second night in a row. It was where Emma should be, where she had said she was most comfortable, and Regina wanted for her to be back where she belonged, even if everything between them was not yet back in order.

 

She blamed her inability to focus on the lines written on the page on her exhaustion. She hadn’t slept any the night before, and the day had been a busy one for her. It was difficult keeping her eyes open, and after a while, the words started blending into each other, black blurs on white paper that she couldn’t understand.

 

The sound of her cell phone ringing made Regina drop her book as she jumped ever so slightly. She quickly reached for it and nearly answered on the first ring. She caught herself just in time to realize how desperate that would have probably seemed, like she was waiting by the phone, waiting for Emma’s call. And Regina Mills was not desperate, nor had she been waiting for Emma to phone her. She just happened to be forcing herself to stay awake for the sake of it, her phone on full volume beside her. Yes.

 

She waited for the third ring, feeling the heavy thumping in her chest become more intense, and then she answered. “Hello,” she said, pronouncing the single word as clearly as possible, keeping her voice even to hide how off-balance she was already feeling just from seeing Emma’s name appear on her phone.

 

She held the phone tightly to her ear and waited for a response, could hear the sound of movement on the other end of the phone call. But after a few seconds, the line went dead. A shuddering breath left Regina’s mouth as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headboard, still clutching the phone in her tight grasp, still holding it to her ear. She could almost hear Emma’s voice.

 

“We fucked up, didn’t we?” Emma would say, and Regina would reluctantly agree that they had. She could hear the conversation perfectly in her head as she held on tightly to her phone, Emma rambling and her over explaining. Once they started talking, they could usually work out what was bothering them.

 

But Emma had hung up without saying a word, and Regina had already been told that what she had to say wouldn’t make a difference.

 

Regina let out a low growl and tossed her phone down to the bed, hating how badly she wanted to hear Emma’s voice in that moment. She wanted to know that they were okay – or at least that they would be okay once again – and she wished she didn’t.

 

Once upon a time, Regina wouldn’t have let herself miss someone they way she realized she missed Emma. There was a part of her that wished that she could easily shut down every emotion which made her feel the way she currently did.

 

Regina turned off the bedroom light and stared across the empty bed for so long that she could clearly picture Emma there beside her. She could see Emma’s head propped up on her hand as she looked down at Regina like she was trying to figure her out, her brow furrowed and her lip caught between her teeth. Even logically knowing she was alone, she felt exposed and vulnerable, like every part of her was on display to Emma.

 

Regina squeezed her eyes shut and rolled over, faced the window and forced her mind to clear, to get rid of the thought of the other woman. _Stop thinking about her. Stop thinking about her. Stop thinking about–_

 

Regina’s phone rang again, and this time she couldn’t even be bothered to care how she was perceived when she rushed to reach for the phone and answered it immediately. “Don’t hang up,” she said this time, the words running to leave her mouth.

 

There was silence, just silence – but Emma didn’t hang up.

 

Regina settled back down against her pillow and exhaled against the receiver, her heart pounding and her stomach a jumbled mess of nerves. She dampened her lips and closed her eyes, curling into herself as the silence continued on both of their ends. Nothing was said, not even a single word, but time continued as the silence did.

 

And it was oddly _comforting._

 

It wasn’t the fix they needed, or the talk they would eventually have to have. There was still so much unsaid – and perhaps too much that had been said. But there was Emma and the sound of her breaths, every fourth or fifth one loud enough for Regina to hear. There was the sound of sheets rustling in her ear, and the image of Emma in bed filling her thoughts.

 

It was the ‘we’re going to be okay’ she needed, even if Emma had not spoken a single word to her.

 

She wrapped her arm around herself and sighed into the phone, missing something she had only really had once before. She missed the warmth of Emma’s body surrounding her, the feeling of the other woman’s breath on her skin. She missed the way it had felt secure and right when Emma held her. There was no heartbeat beneath her head, no quick inhalation when Regina pressed her face closer to the pillow – and although she had only had that once before, she wanted to feel those things more than ever as she listened to the quiet.

 

She sighed again and forced the tension from her body, determined to fall asleep before Emma decided she had stayed on the phone long enough.

 

It was quiet.

 

It was still.

 

It was calm.

 

And then, when Regina was at the edge of sleep, Emma whispered into the phone.

 

“We can fix this,” Emma said so quietly it almost went unnoticed.

 

But the words slowly registered and Regina felt herself nodding along in her dark room, clutching her phone in her hand as her heart raced with too much hope.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma was waiting at the counter inside Granny’s, rehearsing the words she would say when Regina arrived to buy some granola to go with her morning yogurt. She had some time before her shift started, and she was hoping to use that time to fix this whole big mess she had made the other day when she disturbed the peace that had been between her and Regina.

 

She had taken some of Archie’s advice from one of her therapy sessions and did what she normally would not. She had written down how she was feeling, put everything down on paper, and then once it was all there, she had incinerated the paper. She had to admit that it did feel freeing. Getting to see it burn to ashes reminded her how temporary it could all be – the fear, the hurt, the confusion, and every little emotion she had been feeling that she wanted to let go of.

 

They could move forward.

 

The bell above the door chimed and Emma turned her head to the side, suddenly more alert. But her shoulders fell when one of the guys from the construction site by the docks walked in instead of Regina. She puffed out a breath and checked the time, still fifteen minutes before her shift started. She wondered if Regina had changed her Friday routine, because she should have already arrived and left.

 

“Waiting for somebody, Sheriff?”

 

Goosebumps broke out across Emma’s forearms at the sound of the familiar rich tones that slipped into her ear, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop the surprised gasp that was ready to pop out as Regina slid into the spot beside her and the woman sitting on the bar stool next to her own. She ended up making an odd sound in her throat instead, one that sounded like _eep._

 

Regina gave her a tentative smile, like she wasn’t quite sure if she should. Emma blinked slowly, mouth dry and words stuck in her throat as she gave Regina a lookover in her pencil skirt and perfectly tailored blouse with the low neckline.

 

The brunette turned to properly face the counter, crossing her arms atop of it. “I see we’re not yet pass your silent stage,” she said under her breath.

 

Emma shook her head clear, realizing she had been staring. “Sorry. Can we start over? Maybe this time I can say hello or something instead of checking you out.” She laughed nervously.

 

Regina raised an eyebrow without looking away from the menu up ahead that she definitely didn’t need to be studying so intently. There was the faintest bit of color blooming on her cheeks that hadn’t been there a moment ago.

 

Emma dampened her lips and pulled a folded paper from her pocket. She slid it across the counter and left it by Regina’s hands. “I was waiting for someone, yeah. You. I wanted to talk to you, maybe walk you to work if you’d allow it.”

 

Regina looked down to the letter that Emma had folded into a neat square, a square letter fold. And then, with the tip of her forefinger, she slid it closer to herself before picking it up and flipping it between her fingers.

 

“It’s all the stuff I wanted to say last night,” Emma said in response to the questioning in Regina’s eyes when she turned to look at Emma, “when we were on the phone.”

 

Regina swallowed and nodded silently. “I wasn’t sure we were going to be acknowledging that.”

 

Emma shrugged her shoulders a little, looking down at the counter instead of Regina. “Kind of hard to ignore that we stayed on phone with each other all night. I didn’t hang up, by the way. I stayed like you asked me to. My phone just died after I fell asleep.”

 

Regina hmmed in her throat and said nothing more.

 

Emma glanced out of the corner of her eye and watched Regina. She was staring at the letter with an uncertain look in her eyes, like maybe she was worried about what was in the letter and didn’t know if she should read it. Emma honestly wasn’t sure if she should read it either. She had almost burnt it along with the three pages of feelings she had gotten rid of. But she couldn’t burn away how she felt about Regina, so she thought Regina should have it.

 

Regina lifted her gaze to look at Emma, a hint of confusion in her eyes. Emma turned away to avoid it, chewing on her lower lip. “Why did you call me last night?” Regina asked quietly. “I was under the impression that you didn’t want to speak to me – not that you had much to say when you did.”

 

“Why?” Emma shook her head, wondering how much more obvious she needed to be. “I wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I know I messed up by leaving the other night. If it makes it any better, I almost turned back as soon as I left.”

 

Regina shifted beside her. “It doesn’t.”

 

“Well.” She let out a slow breath and looked around them. “I can’t take it back, but I am sorry that I didn’t give you a chance like you asked for. I was hurting. I was scared. I don’t want this to turn into this big thing we can’t work through, though. I meant what I said about us being able to fix this.”

 

Regina’s hand slid over to Emma’s, not quite touching her but almost there. Emma looked down at it and then up at Regina, wondering if this was some type of olive branch and she should reach out for it. Emma had made up her mind that one way or the other, she was going to fix this. She was going to make sure she kept her friendship with Regina, because, like she had told her so many times, it meant too much to Emma for her to lose it.

 

So she stretched out one of her fingers and ran her knuckle over the back of Regina’s hand. She dragged it from her wrist to the hard knuckle that projected outward, and then she hooked her forefinger around Regina’s and squeezed it tightly. Regina squeezed back. A small smile appeared on Emma’s lips as she looked down at their hands. Their connection could not be broken easily, and it was clearer than ever as she felt Regina pressing to her side while their fingers were linked together like an indestructible chain.

 

Regina ordered her granola and then the two left the diner, still much left to be said but with a lack of tension between them.

 

They were slowly walking to Town Hall, the sound of Regina’s heels on the concrete playing in an even beat as Emma worked through the rest of what she wanted to say. She would let the letter do most of the talking for her, but there were still things she thought needed to be said aloud.

 

Emma pulled one of her hands free from the tight denim it had been stuffed in and worked it through her blonde locks, pushing her wavy hair away from her face where the wind had blown it. “I realize I was being insensitive when I said that I didn’t care about what you had to say. Whether I was upset for my own reasons, scared, whatever, it doesn’t change that your feelings mattered just as much as mine did. I should have–”

 

“You don’t need to keep apologizing, Emma,” Regina said, taking Emma’s wrist into her hand and stopping them. She pulled Emma aside so they were out of the way of the few people who were walking by. There was something warm and open about Regina's eyes when she looked into Emma’s. “We both could have handled things differently. Don’t, not even for one second, believe that you’re the only one who made choices that created this tension between us.”

 

Emma opened her mouth, but she was unsure what she wanted to say and closed it quickly. Instead, she nodded her head in agreement. She wouldn’t try to take the blame for everything that had gone wrong. She didn’t have to. Regina owned up to what she did, Emma knew, and they actually talked about what was wrong, what had hurt them individually.

 

“I know that you’re sorry, Emma. I also understand that my silence led to you believing that I wouldn’t react well to you showing a romantic interest in me, and I’m...” Regina closed her eyes and let the sentence trail off with her long exhalation. “I wish you hadn’t assumed that I would push you away, but I also see why you did. If I could change how I reacted, I would. What you said was unexpected and I needed to–”

 

“Process,” Emma said, sighing. “I know.”

 

Regina slid her hand down to Emma’s as she looked at her, searching Emma’s eyes for something before speaking. “I did. But just as I needed that moment to take in what you were saying, I know you needed me to quiet the doubts and the voices in your head.”

 

“The voices? How–”

 

Regina rolled her eyes. “Please, Emma. I’m not just meeting you. And as you love reminding me, we are more alike than we are different. I know there would have been nothing but doubts going through my mind if the roles were reversed. That was a big step, and I understand how loud those voices can get. I wish I had done something to make you understand that you didn’t need to worry about me rejecting you.”

 

Emma felt Regina’s hand squeezing hers lightly and tangled their fingers together as she swallowed thickly. “It’s an irrational fear, always assuming that someone’s going to push me away. I know that.”

 

Regina shook her head and smiled a little at her, her voice low but serious, full of emotion that wrapped around Emma like a warm blanket that could get rid of the chill in her bones. “Who could blame you for feeling that way? You have over two decades worth of people doing the very thing you fear will happen. It’s not irrational to feel like it might happen again. However, as I know you’re aware of already, there are people who want to show you that you have a permanent place here in Storybrooke, with your family and friends, in the hearts of those of us who, well, those of us who love you. And I know that I don’t make believing that I’m not going to push you away easy when I have done so multiple times, but I want you to give me a chance to prove that I meant it when I said I wouldn’t.

 

“You didn’t scare me away, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

 

This was one of those times she had told Archie about, where everything was overwhelming – Regina, the feelings she had for her, and everything else. It was when Regina knew exactly what she needed to hear and actually said it, made her heart feel like it might burst from all the warmth that she poured into it.

 

That was why Emma couldn’t help herself, why she pulled Regina into a hug right in the middle of the sidewalk and held the surprised brunette close to her. She had an overwhelming need to feel Regina, to touch her, to breathe in the calming scent of her shampoo and know that everything was going to be all right. She needed to quiet the parts of her that still worried Regina wouldn’t stay, and she did so by pulling Regina in, because she knew, without a doubt, Regina would hold her back.

 

And she did. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and let out a small sigh against Emma’s ear. “Like you said, we can’t change what has already happened, but we can–”

 

“Move forward,” Emma said as she pulled back and put her hands on Regina’s biceps, smiling hopefully at her. “We can move forward from here.”

 

Regina nodded slowly, light dancing in her eyes as she said, “Yes, we can move forward. I’d like that.”

 

Emma had felt heavy and weighed down since Wednesday, had two nights of terrible sleep and too many thoughts. But the way Regina looked at her made Emma feel light and weightless. “Yeah?” she whispered, smiling softly.

 

“Absolutely.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

An entire week had gone by, seven days, and Regina still hadn’t finished the letter that Emma had given her.

 

“I can’t believe how ridiculous you are being about this whole thing with the savior. It’s been a week and you haven’t even read the damn letter in its entirety. You know what I think? I think you need to stop making excuses and just get it over with.”

 

Regina let out a small huff and snatched the folded letter from her sister’s hand, opened the desk drawer Zelena had taken it from, and tucked it back into the place it had been sitting since last Friday. “I don’t recall asking you here for your advice on my love life.” She closed the drawer with a gentle _tap_ and then added, “And I’d appreciate it if you stopped going through my things.”

 

Zelena scoffed, sitting on the edge of Regina’s desk. “Well, perhaps that’s why your ‘love life’ is non-existent. Maybe you need your big sis to talk some sense into that head of yours before you drive all of us insane with all your pining over a woman who is clearly in love with you and already told you she wanted to be in a relationship.”

 

Regina swatted Zelena with her folder, making her get off the desk. She’d had just about enough of her sister and her meddling. “Listen, the only reason I even told you about the letter was because I needed to talk to someone. Emma was very clear about what she wants and doesn’t want, and I don’t need sisterly guidance or anything of the sort.” The brunette pushed herself away from her office desk, getting ready to leave for the day. “And for the record, I do not _pine_ over anyone.”

 

“Oh, please. If not pining, explain the lovesick looks you're always giving Emma when you don’t think anyone is watching. Just because I’ve had very little of it in my life, doesn’t mean I don’t know what love looks like. You look at Emma Swan like you’ve both lost and found everything inside her, and you’re no good at hiding how you feel. And she’s no better, just so you know. The two of you have everything anyone could want in a partner right there in front of you, ready for the taking, but you’d rather pretend you’re moving on just fine? What for?”

 

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose. “How does ‘I would rather be your friend than nothing at all’ and ‘I don’t want to lose _my friend’_ , or any of what she said sound like she wants to date me? She wants to move forward, and apparently moving forward really means going back to before she said she was interested in me. People change their minds. It’s quite clear that she wants to forget about what she said, so that’s what I’m doing.”

 

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake. Are you seriously this dense?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Zelena walked around the desk and pulled open the drawer, ignoring Regina telling her to leave the letter where it was. “Read the letter again,” Zelena firmly told her when she turned around, holding it out for Regina. “If you can’t see that she’s giving you an out and you just happily took it instead of going after what you want, them maybe I’m wasting my time here and you don’t know Emma as well as you claim you do.” Zelena sighed and lowered her voice. “Don’t let something good slip between your fingers because you were to blind to see what everyone else can.”

 

Regina balled her fists by her sides. Zelena knew how to get under her skin and did so without thinking twice when she had a point to prove.

 

Zelena huffed out an exaggerated breath and reached for Regina’s arm. “I mean it,” she said, unfurling Regina’s fingers and pressing the letter to her palm. “Read it – all of it – and then think about what you’re giving up on, you, who I know isn’t afraid to fight for what she wants.”

 

Regina wanted to be annoyed with her sister for getting involved, for not dropping it like she had told her to do so many times the last few days. But she couldn’t be, not completely. Zelena was sincerely hoping for the best for her – it was in her eyes, genuine hope – and Regina couldn’t stop the way her heart naturally warmed because of it.

 

“I’ll read it if that’s what it takes for you to move on from this. Emma and I have already done so, so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have done the same when you have no stake in the matter,” she said to Zelena before pulling her hand free and slipping the letter into her pocket as the redhead smiled triumphantly.

 

But, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Regina had not moved on from any of what had happened the week before, and she couldn’t keep the thought of Emma or the admission that started it all off her mind. It was all she thought about until she and her sister arrived at the Charmings’ apartment for dinner nearly forty-five minutes later.

 

The loft was full of noise when Regina and Zelena let themselves in, knocking twice on the door as they opened it. Henry and David were in front of the television with controllers in their hands and a video game that looked vaguely familiar on the screen. Emma was on a blanket on the floor with both her little brother and Regina’s niece, playing with a rattling toy that both children liked to gnaw on whenever they got it in their grasp. And Snow was in the kitchen, taking out plates and glasses while steam left one of the pots on the stove.

 

At the end of a long day at work, dealing with various types of issues that took a lot of her time and energy, it felt like she was finally coming up for a much-needed mouthful of air whenever she walked into a moment like this. It was loud and there was a lot going on, but the room was full of something Regina never stopped being thankful she was a part of. It was full of the love of a family, the feeling of home even outside of her own house. And she was happily pulled into the middle of it, hanging her suit jacket on the back of a chair, greeting Henry with a squeeze to his shoulder, and then joining Snow in the kitchen as Zelena went for her daughter.

 

“Something smells good,” Regina said as she washed her hands at the sink, looking over her shoulder to eye the cooking food on the stove. “Are those scallops I see?” She shut the water off and grabbed some paper towels as she raised an impressed eyebrow, nodding in approval at the sear the younger brunette had gotten on her seafood. “And papaya?”

 

Snow nodded with a wide smile that made her round cheeks puff up. “I thought I’d pull out one of your favorites from the recipe box this week. I’ve been practicing since you gave me some tips, and I think I’m finally ready for you to try. David will eat anything–”

 

“Because everything you cook is delicious,” he said from the living room, and Regina smiled and rolled her eyes just a little as she watched Snow lightly blush from his compliment.

 

“Thank you, honey,” she said loud enough for him to hear, but then she lowered her voice and said, almost shyly as she worked on transferring food to a serving dish, “but I wanted it to be perfect for when I made it for you.”

 

“Trying to impress me, Snow White?” Regina asked with a low hum in her throat, amused by the way the blush deepened on Snow’s normally pale skin and she stumbled over words nervously. Regina smirked a little and took a fork as Snow put the serving plate on the counter. She cut into one of the scallops as Snow watched her every move with baited breath and brought a piece to her mouth, leaning against the counter with her cocked hip as she hummed again.

 

Snow waited and waited as Regina chewed slowly, savoring the flavors and texture, hopeful eyes going from Regina’s mouth as she licked her lips carefully to her eyes, Snow probably trying to find some type of clue that would let her know what Regina thought. She was after Regina’s approval, and the bursts of flavors and the perfect texture of the scallop were worthy of it. Regina just enjoyed making her wait for it, liked watching her squirm a little before she gave her what she wanted. Simple pleasures in life were important, and Regina took pleasure in knowing how important her praise was to Snow.

 

“So?” Snow asked, reaching the limit of her patience after silently waiting as Regina took her time tasting. “Lay it on me. If you’re going to say it wasn’t up to your standards, I can take it.”

 

Regina laughed and stuck her fork into the other half of the scallop she had speared. “You achieved a perfect cook, and there was a delicious balance of the seafood’s natural flavor mixed with the seasoning you added. I’d almost say it was as good as when I make it,” Regina said, popping the scallop into her mouth and watching Snow’s smile spread wide and bright across her face.  

 

“Really?” Snow asked, her blush still in full bloom.

 

“Mmm.” Regina nodded and finished chewing. “Delicious.”

 

“What’s delicious?” Regina heard come from behind her, and she turned to see Emma walking into the kitchen. She raised her eyebrow, looking from Regina to Snow, and then to the scallops on the serving dish, brushing a hand over the small of Regina's back. “Ooh. Food’s done?”

 

Snow picked up the stack of plates and handed them to Emma. “In a few minutes. Can you give me a hand and take care of these?”

 

Emma nodded, giving Snow a strange look. “You okay? You look a little flushed.”

 

Snow put the backs of her hands to her cheeks and felt them as she nodded, a far away look in her eyes before she turned to the stove. “Probably just the heat.” She turned off the stove and busied herself with getting the food ready. “The table, please.”

 

Emma eyed her mother for a few more seconds before nodding her head to the cups and silverware. “Wanna help?”

 

“Sure,” Regina agreed. She normally stayed in the kitchen and helped out with the cooking, but everything appeared to be finished already. So she took the rest of the items Snow had already taken out for them and followed Emma to the table.

 

They started on the same side of the table and went in opposite directions. They worked in silence, Emma putting a plate down in front of all six chairs, Regina neatly putting the utensils in their proper order, and the two of them splitting the cups in half. The table was finished quickly, and when they were done, Emma bumped her shoulder into Regina’s and smiled at her. The touch was light and friendly but made Regina’s stomach flip excitedly all the same.

 

And that was a feeling she felt several times throughout dinner, the flip and flop inside her belly, one of many Emma caused.

 

It was later in the night when Emma put her arm over Regina’s shoulders while they sat at the table with Snow and Zelena, nibbling on crumb cake and drinking decaf coffee. Regina stopped hearing everything around them for a moment and could only feel Emma’s hand on her upper arm, absently stroking. She didn’t even think Emma realized that she had done it, so used to touching Regina without thinking about it, but Zelena and Snow both noticed and wore matching looks on their faces. It was that ‘I know something is up’ look, and Regina wanted to make the looks disappear off both of their faces, but forcing herself not to melt under Emma’s touch took too much effort for her to be able to focus on anything else.

 

Regina cleared her throat and shifted away from Emma, deciding that it was probably best for her to call it a night. “Dinner was lovely,” she complimented politely, smiling a genuinely warm smile at Snow as she stood up from her chair, “but I’m afraid it’s time for me to head home.”

 

“Already?” Henry asked with a slight pout from his spot next to David, one of the Iron Man movies just starting. “Do we have to? It’s still early.”

 

Regina looked at her watch and then at her son. It was still early, much earlier than she would normally leave when they came over for a family dinner. But her shoulder was still tingling from Emma’s fingers on her skin and she had reached her limit of how much of that she could handle without sinking into something she knew she shouldn’t. But Henry shouldn’t have to miss out just because she was doing a terrible job at pretending like she was moving on, acting like she was perfectly fine with Emma showing her affection when it did not mean what she wanted it to mean.

 

David paused the movie and looked over to Regina, ruffling a hand through his hair. “If it’s okay with you, Henry can stay for the movie and I’ll drive him home.”

 

“Or I can just spend the night,” Henry said hopefully, latching onto David’s idea and going one step forward. “Please, Mom.”

 

“You can’t invite yourself over, sweetheart. That’s presumptuous and rude.”

 

“We don’t mind,” Snow said quietly, and Regina looked down to the seated woman. “Henry’s always welcomed here, you know that.”

 

Regina turned back to Henry and couldn't say no to the pleading look in his eyes. She nodded her head in agreement, laughing as David and Henry high-fived. “You may stay the night, but I don’t want to hear any excuses about why you can’t help out with yard work tomorrow afternoon after I pick you up. Understand?”

 

Henry nodded quickly. “Yes, ma’am, got it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

 

Emma laughed as she stood up, taking both of their dishes and bringing them to the kitchen. “Give me a second. I’m going to walk you out.”

 

“Of course she is,” Zelena muttered under her breath, but not low enough for Regina not to hear – or Snow, who hid a smile behind her mug.

 

Regina glared at her sister. “Cut it out,” she hissed, and Zelena shrugged, unbothered.

 

Regina took her jacket from the chair and slid it on, having half a mind to tell Emma not to worry about walking her out but saying her goodbyes and waiting patiently at the door anyway. Emma was quick to get back to her, and then they went down the stairs together, just the sound of their shoes on the steps until they were outside.

 

“Where’d you park?” Emma asked, walking down the walkway and looking around.

 

Regina pointed to the left. “Near the corner,” she answered, taking her keys from her pocket and holding them in her hand.

 

Emma led the way, walking at a slow pace. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Regina rubbed her shoulder without realizing she was doing it until Emma glanced at her. She could still feel the way the blonde’s warmth had seeped through her sleeve, feel every drag of her fingers moving in a circular motion. She would only be lying to herself if she said she didn’t enjoy the way it felt. “I wasn’t uncomfortable, per se. It was just–”

 

“Too much. Yeah, I know. I could tell when you got up to leave,” Emma said with a light smile. “I get it.”

 

Regina wrapped her arms around herself and let out a slow breath, peeking at Emma out of the corner of her eye as they continued walking. When they reached the car, Emma leaned against the tree Regina had parked beside. Regina stopped in front of her, wondering what was on Emma’s mind – because she could tell something was eating away at her, that something was bothering her.

 

“What’s going on?” Regina asked with concern filling her voice.

 

“It’s nothing,” Emma said, shaking her head. “I’m fine.”

 

“You’re not fine.” Regina shook her head as well, moving to unlock her car door. “You know, this is a lot easier when you just tell me what’s wrong and don’t act as though I’m a mind-reader.”

 

Emma snorted and rolled her eyes. “I’m just worried.”

 

Regina turned to properly face Emma and leaned against the side of her car, her brow furrowing as she met Emma’s eyes. “Worrying about what? Is there something going on that I don’t know about?”

 

“No, not really." She shrugged. "You ever feel like you made a mistake, but you don’t know how to fix it, so you just let it be?”

 

“Um.”

 

Emma rubbed her hands over her face and then pulled her hair back off her shoulders, up into a ponytail as she looked off into the distance. “Are we okay? I mean, are we going to be okay?”

 

Regina felt the worry in Emma’s voice down in her stomach, heavy and solid and uncomfortable. She sighed and reached over for Emma’s hand, making Emma look at her with her uncertain eyes. “Things are bound to change between us after everything that happened last week. It’s inevitable.”

 

“Of course. But changing and fucking up aren’t the same thing,” Emma said with a heavy sigh. “I thought we could move past this and be okay, but it feels like we’re slowly falling apart.”

 

The sadness in Emma’s eyes made Regina’s heart ache, burn. They had been searching for some sort of balance in the last week, but it was clear they hadn’t found it. Emma had told her in the letter she wrote Regina that she loved her – and although it was not the first time, it was when she was reading the letter that Regina truly understood how deep Emma’s feelings went, how strongly she felt. It wasn’t something one just moved past, and Regina believed Emma was realizing that now, realizing that there was no simple way to move forward when her idea of moving forward was trying to ignore what had happened.

 

“Come here,” Regina said as she gently pulled on Emma’s hand.

 

Emma shook her head, not budging. She let out a loud breath and pulled her hand away from Regina. “I can’t – not that I don’t want to, because I want to, like, I really want to. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I want to be close to you, so very close, and I shouldn’t.”

 

 _Why not?_ Regina wanted to ask, but she didn’t, she wrapped her arms around herself and nodded sadly instead.

 

They said no more to each other, and eventually Regina got in her car and Emma left. But there was a pull in Regina’s chest that wouldn’t allow her to drive home. She ended up driving around the block and going right back to her parking space, parking the car, and then letting out a long breath that did nothing to make the heaviness in her heart lighten.

 

Wasn’t this supposed to be what Regina wanted? She had told herself over and over that what was best for them was to remain friends, that she needed to keep her feelings to herself and accept that nothing more could happen. But constantly wanting something and not allowing herself to have it, watching Emma do the same, that didn’t feel like what was best for them. Trying to ignore what was between them was impossible.

 

Regina remembered the letter in her pocket and took it out, unfolded it and flattened it on her lap. She skipped over what she had already read, didn’t need to reread Emma throwing the word friendship in every other sentence. It was the last two paragraphs that she read, and one sentence that stood out from them all, one that she couldn’t let go of.

 

_Whether we are fighting side by side to protect our family and each other or we are just hanging out together when it’s quiet and calm, I want you to know that it’s next to you that I love being most...it’s where I feel like I belong._

 

Regina read the sentence over and over until her eyes were burning with unshed tears and she couldn’t see words on the paper anymore.

 

They hadn’t fixed anything, and it was becoming clearer to her as she heard Emma’s words in her head. They had moved backwards, and it was just another form of running from what they wanted. And Zelena was right, she admitted to herself, Emma had given her an out and she had just taken it without even trying. She never even told Emma how she felt, had held back because, after reading Emma’s letter, she had gone back to believing keeping her feelings to herself was what was best. But it wasn’t.

 

She needed to tell Emma how she felt.

 

Emma had said that Regina didn’t think she was worth it, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. Regina realized she hadn’t done much to prove that to Emma, but she could – she would. She was in love with Emma Swan, and it was about time she told her.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Emma squinted her eyes as she walked up her walkway. It almost looked like someone was sitting on her steps – but it was well after two o’clock in the morning, so she was certain she was seeing things. She was certain until the lump moved and spoke, a tired voice that Emma knew all too well.

 

“Hey.”

 

It was just one word, one slow drawl, but Emma felt herself smiling as she reached the base of her steps. “Hey,” Emma echoed, looking up to where Regina was sitting, smiling lightly back down at her. “What are you...” Emma shook her head, biting the corner of her lip. “It’s the middle of the night.”

 

Regina looked at her watch. “It’s technically morning,” she said, running her fingers through her hair as she turned back to Emma. “I almost thought you weren’t going to come home. I went back to the loft, but Snow said you hadn’t come back up. I drove around for a little while, looking for you...”

 

“You were looking for me?”

 

Regina’s smile turned sheepish as she looked away from Emma for a moment, looking up at the night sky. “There’s something I need to tell you, and–”

 

“It couldn’t wait until tomorrow,” Emma said with a smile, shaking her head, wondering what could be so important but not really caring what it was that brought Regina to her, just happy that she was there. She climbed the steps and held out a hand for Regina to take. “All right. Come inside, then. I’ve got beer, maybe some Jack Daniel's somewhere. Let’s talk."

 

Regina accepted Emma’s hand and allowed her to pull her up from the stairs. When she stood, one step above Emma, she was looking down at her. Regina’s fingers tangled with hers and Regina laid her free hand on Emma’s shoulder, her thumb brushing over the blonde’s clavicle. Her eyes danced across Emma’s face, and there was an abundance of warmth and adoration in them. She licked her lips and nodded.

 

“Yes,” Regina breathed out, “let’s talk.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been FOREVER! I know, and I'm sorry. I can't believe it took me so long to get back to give this story an ending, but...well, here we are. At least it actually has an ending now, yeah? 
> 
> I really hope I was able to find the right flow with the words so the chapter doesn't read like it doesn't belong with the rest. It's been about a year since chapter 7 was posted, and my writing style changes so often. But I tried my best to imitate the style I used previously. 
> 
> Note the rating change! It's been changed multiple times, but I had thought it would remain a T-rated story until I was writing something that was very much worthy of the M rating in this chapter. So I've changed it again. (Sorry if that M-worthy material is not all that good. It's been a long time since I've written something that was deliberately sexual and not accidentally sexual because I don't have control of the words. This chapter contains both.)
> 
> Anyway... On to day 8, over a year later.

**Coming Out**

 

With a key jiggle, Emma unlocked the door and let them inside the dark house. An immediate heaviness seemed to fall upon her shoulders, and Regina noticed the way a sad frown pulled her lips downward while Emma scanned the house. The brightness that had made Regina’s heart feel as though it had skipped a couple of beats when Emma first saw her had completely disappeared. She brought Regina into the living room and then headed into the kitchen, tossing her keys onto the table and opening a curtain instead of turning on a light.

 

Regina wondered how much time Emma had spent in the house during the past week as she moved a throw pillow and took a seat on the couch. She turned on a lamp. Despite not removing her belongings from her room, Emma had not slept at Regina’s house since the night before the day everything between them had shifted out of place. Regina knew Emma had stayed with the Charmings at least a few of those nights, but she was also aware that Emma hadn’t wanted anyone to worry that something was wrong. She might have chosen to stay at her own house a night or two just so there wouldn’t be too many questions asked.

 

Cabinets were being opened and rummaged through in the kitchen. Emma was looking for something—the Jack Daniel’s she believed she had stored somewhere, presumed Regina. But Regina also recognized the other woman’s fidgeting and inability to be still for what it was, more than a frantic search for alcohol but a display of what it was like inside her head, inside her thoughts. Emma needed to be moving. She recognized it because she felt the need to be doing something with her hands. But Regina only held them in her lap as she absently pulled and pinched the webbing between her thumb and forefinger, not allowing any other physical signs of what she might be experiencing internally.

 

Regina took no pleasure in knowing that Emma was nervous and would be doing whatever she could to help diminish her anxiety. However, it helped knowing that she wasn’t the only one. She was not alone; they were in this together, as they were whenever it mattered most. The how was still unknown, but there was no doubt in Regina’s mind that they would find a way to the other side of this that left them both truly happy. They would get through the mess they had created for themselves together and without trying to do what they believed to be best for each other. This time, they would actually talk and there would be no room for the doubts and fears that continuously kept them from properly dealing with their feelings for one another. Regina wouldn’t allow herself to hold back because of the possibility of future hurt any longer, and she wouldn’t let Emma use the fear of losing Regina as a friend as a reason for why she needed to bury what she had already revealed.

 

She had spent hours thinking about how she would approach the topic of her feelings for Emma once the other woman finally arrived home. She had rehearsed what she would say, decided it wouldn’t do, and then started over from the beginning. She had considered making it easy and simple, a one-two-three sort of process. She had considered easing Emma into it, taking them back to when Regina first realized that she was attracted to Emma. She had even considered just kissing Emma and letting her feelings spill out in her actions before they left her mouth in the form of words.

 

Having spent as long as she had waiting for Emma outside, she had had the opportunity to play out many different scenarios. She had thought of an endless list of ways to express the way everything felt as though it clicked into place when she and Emma were together. Normally, she spent a great deal of her time thinking of effective ways to conceal her feelings. For months, she had believed her attraction for her friend to be one that needed to be kept secret for their own good. She had thought not of how to show that she wanted to love Emma with every ounce of her being but how to keep her longing and desire to a minimum. Tonight, she had thought only of how to let it all come out, everything that had been hidden in the nooks and crannies of her heart, all that was filed away in the boxes of untouchables.

 

Sitting there on Emma’s couch, watching the blonde, she finally decided that straight to the point and with her heart wide open was the only way to go about this. She did not want for Emma to have any reason to doubt how much she meant to Regina. The last few weeks had been a torturous roller coaster of emotions, but it was time for them to get off and find stable ground once more. It was now or never—and Regina was no longer willing to accept never. She would not be giving up without a fight.

 

Regina smoothed her hands down her thighs and cleared her throat loudly, gaining Emma’s attention. The slightly panicked look that met her seeking eyes when Emma quickly spun around was all the motivation she needed to push her own nerves aside. “Why don’t you forget that and come sit with me?” She patted the spot beside her, loosening her posture because she knew Emma could read all her subtle signs of discomfort just as easily as she could read Emma’s. She wanted Emma to feel comfortable; she wanted to _make_ Emma comfortable. “I think we can manage without. Just come here.”

 

Emma looked down at the glass tumbler in her hand thoughtfully and then placed it on the counter, leaving it behind. She let out a noticeably long breath and then nodded her head once, crossing the kitchen and joining Regina in the living room. “You sure? I know I have something around.”

 

“I’m sure. It isn’t necessary. As it is, a clear mind would probably be better suited for what I have to say—or at least as clear as either of us can manage right now.” She chuckled a little to help relax Emma, knowing neither of their minds were truly clear at the moment. There were things that needed to be said, and until then, Regina was sure they would both be thinking about the reason Emma had come home and found Regina sitting outside her house in the middle of the night.

 

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Emma looked down at the spot beside Regina and then at the one next to it on the far end of the couch with her lower lip caught between her worrying teeth. She did not choose either seat.

 

Regina lightly tapped the space beside her again, twice, and reached out for Emma’s hand. “Please, Emma,” she requested, her voice softer than it had been just moments before.

 

“Regina,” Emma breathed out like it hurt to say her name. She said nothing more. Emma’s eyes shut and she exhaled a shaky breath, still standing in front of the sofa but refusing to sit down, fidgeting.

 

It reminded Regina of the moment after dinner when Emma had walked her to her car and Regina had requested that she come closer because she wanted to comfort her. Emma had said she couldn’t, shouldn’t, had even put a larger physical distance between them instead. Regina wanted to tell Emma that she could, that she could get as close as she desired, that Regina would probably still want her closer despite the probable impossibility of it. In Regina’s mind, there was no longer such a thing as being too close to Emma. She wanted Emma in her personal space. She wanted Emma. But Regina did not say any of that.

 

Her heart thumped wildly as she tried to control the urge to pull Emma to her. “Okay,” Regina said aloud, speaking to herself but gaining the attention of the silent blonde whose eyes were now open and searching Regina’s. She turned around so that her back was nestled in the corner of the couch, her legs pulled up into the seat and folded beneath her, her leather pumps left on the floor. Emma's couch was nothing like the one Emma had helped her pick out for her own living room, wasn't nearly as comfortable, but she still tried her best to keep tension from building in her body. “I think I’m going to jump right in and say what I need to say, Emma.”

 

Despite what she said, Regina sat silently for a total of fifteen seconds. She had counted each and every one of them in her head as she waited for her overactive nerves and thoughts to settle enough for her to properly concentrate. She wanted for her words to be concise when she spoke them. Regina did not want to leave out any of what she felt was important for Emma to know. Fifteen seconds was not a sufficient amount of time to find complete peace, but it was the most she was willing to wait.

 

She offered her hand one last time, palm side up, hoping Emma holding her hand outside was not going to be the last time for the night, and this time Emma accepted it. “I’m listening,” Emma told her with an encouraging smile, allowing Regina to guide her to the spot directly beside her.

 

Regina tenderly caressed the hand that had been placed in her own and then gently lowered it to her thigh, keeping it there so she would be able to trace the bones beneath soft skin as she spoke. She pulled strength from their connection as she so often did when she could hold Emma’s hand while they talked. It had become such a normal thing for her that she barely recognized how often she reached out for Emma until it was no longer considered acceptable behavior. She had certainly missed being able to connect with Emma this way during the last week, missed the feeling of Emma’s skin against her own for longer than brief moments, the weight of her hand, the warmth of her touch. They had touched so infrequently lately, barely allowed these small pleasures, always pulled away too soon after giving in to a need neither of them had been any good at hiding.  

 

Tongue dampening lips, Regina looked up to meet Emma’s gaze. Saying she was going to jump right in was easier said than done when she wasn’t sure where to start, but the hopeful look in Emma’s eyes that was erasing her uncertainty was enough to push Regina forward. There wasn’t much Regina would not do to keep the brightness in Emma’s eyes.

 

“Earlier, you alluded to making a mistake and accepting the consequences without trying to change anything because you didn’t know how to. You know how much I hate being presumptuous,” she said, earning her a knowing look from Emma, “but I think, after hearing the rest of what you said, it’s safe to assume that you were referring to our current...situation. Is that correct?”

 

“Situation,” Emma repeated with a hint of laughter in her throat. “Nice choice of word.”

 

“Emma,” Regina said with a little warning in her voice that was far too soft to be considered anything remotely close to dangerous.  

 

Emma gave a small nod. “Yeah, that’s what I was talking about, our _situation.”_

 

Regina was glad to at least hear the amusement in Emma’s voice, the slight teasing that made it lighter than it normally was. It gave her hope that Emma was genuinely relaxing beside her and the nervousness she had been feeling would soon be a thing of the past. Regina continued after a short pause, tracing Emma’s slender finger with a blunt fingernail. “That was one of the many things I thought about while waiting for you.” She paused again, but only for three seconds to take and let out a cleansing breath. “We’re both dissatisfied with the way things have turned out, but none of what has happened has to be permanent if we don’t want it to be. The way to change things is obvious—and easy—and it starts with me doing what I wish I had done long before now.”

 

Emma didn’t say anything, but her breathing did sound more shallow in the moments of quiet. Her hand twitched beneath Regina’s fingers. She didn’t pull away or give Regina any sign that she wished for her to stop, however. Regina thought she even looked ready to tell her to continue speaking when Regina failed to quickly do so on her own. But Regina stopped cataloging all there was to see when she looked at Emma and let her words flow out in a measured, slow rhythm.

 

“I don’t want for any of what happened to be swept under a rug. Pretending you never admitted to wanting a deeper relationship has done nothing but put us in this awkward place where we’re tiptoeing around each other and misstepping all the time.” If they hadn’t been avoiding being alone or too close, they _were_ those very things and one or both of them became overwhelmed and pulled away. There was no balance, and Regina missed how easy it normally felt with Emma. “We should have talked about this, us, but we didn’t.”

 

“I tried,” Emma reminded her, not unkindly but instead with a tired breath.

 

Regina sighed and nodded her head. “I know, Emma,” she said, smiling sadly. “You did, and so did I.”

 

“And you see how well both of those times went.”

 

“I wasn’t prepared when you first shared how you felt for me,” Regina reasoned. “I wasn’t expecting it, and then I was not ready to give you the response you deserved—the one I’m about to give you now.”

 

“Regina, you don’t—”

 

“Shh. Don’t cut me off. I tried to tell you this that night, but I believe you were already unwilling to hear anything I had to say by that point. Please, allow me to say this now. I don’t...” She brought in a slow breath and held it for a couple of seconds before releasing it, needing it to help her stabilize. “I don’t want to keep hiding how I feel, Emma. I’m tired of it, and I want for you to know—everything. I want you to know everything. What happens after that, I don’t know. But I do know that you need to hear what I have to say as much as I need to say it.”

 

Emma agreed quietly, nodding her head before letting it rest on the back of the sofa, her body turned to face Regina’s. The lamp that was their only source of light provided a low glow that highlighted the roundness of Emma’s cheeks and the smooth line of her jaw, leaving the rest of her face hidden beneath shadows. Only her eyes held their own light, the whites around her irises bright and the sea of greens and muted blues dazzling as Emma gave all of her attention to Regina. Regina almost forgot herself and surrendered to the magnetic pull she felt between them.

 

She reminded herself that there would be plenty of time to get lost in Emma in the future. First, she needed to put an end to the unnecessary push-pull habits that Emma had joined her in during the last week. Then, there would only be pulling of the other closer, Regina dared to hope, knowing how dangerous it was to hope but believing she was safe to do so at this time.

 

Looking down at their hands, she curled her fingers down and intertwined them with Emma’s. Her eyes barely moved from their joint hands as she spoke; there was something understatedly loving and intimate about holding another’s hand, and the sight of hers with Emma’s filled her with contentment. “This,” Regina started, giving Emma’s hand a strong squeeze, “this right here isn’t something I want to run from, and that is what we have been doing this last week—and what I have been doing for a lot longer than that. I allowed fear to have power over me; fear that I would ultimately hurt you, fear that you would never reciprocate the feelings I have for you, and even fear that I wouldn’t know what to do if everything worked out between us.

 

“But no more.” Her voice swelled with emotion, all that had been securely locked away rushing to freedom as Regina unbolted the doors that she had once believed needed to be in place to hold in her ever growing love for Emma. “I was able to accept that I could have no more than your friendship when I believed it to be all you were interested in. To have that much, to be able to consider you both friend and family, was more than I could have hoped for. I hope you know that. Our friendship is fulfilling on its own. If I could have no more than that, I would have cherished every moment we had together, Emma,” she told her honestly, lifting her head to look into Emma’s eyes. “You constantly tell me that I mean too much to you for you to lose me, but the same is true the other way around, my dear. You’ve filled a corner of my heart that no other could ever reach, and I can’t imagine it ever being empty again—nor could I imagine a life that does not include you.”

 

A rush of breath and quickly blinking eyes made Regina pause. Emma looked away from her and sucked in a lungful, held it in, and then released the shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” Emma said under her breath, pulling her hand away from Regina’s so she could rub her face with both hands. She scrubbed at her skin until the wet sheen of tears were no longer visible on reddened cheeks. She groaned, but the sound turned into a half-hearted chuckle. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “You can keep going.”

 

Regina wasn’t sure what to say, but she removed Emma’s hands from her face and grasped her chin. She made Emma look at her, and Regina almost forgot she had meant to say something when she once again felt like there was a strong magnet pulling her toward Emma. Her eyes were startlingly clear, glassy and wet from unshed tears, iridescent and marvelous. Regina’s heart leaped a little. Emma was beautifully exposed in front of her, emotions painted across her flushed face, a type of vulnerability that Regina knew she did not share with many.

 

“Don’t apologize,” Regina whispered after several moments of the two of them gazing into each other’s eyes had gone by. She slid her hand over the side of Emma’s face and traced the curve of her cheek with a slowly moving thumb, smiling lightly at Emma as she did so. “I want these moments,” she told her, still whispering. Regina was almost afraid to speak any louder.

 

“What, you want me crying and unable to control my emotions?” Emma rolled her eyes at herself. “It’s really attractive, isn’t it?”

 

Regina rolled hers as well, but she shook her head and placed her second hand on Emma’s other cheek, framing her face. “I want moments of honesty with you. These honest displays of emotion, whether that be happiness or sadness or anger or fear; I want it all. I want to be honest with you. I don’t want to continue hiding how deep my love for you truly is, Emma.”

 

With a smile that could almost outshine the sun with its fierce brightness, Emma covered Regina’s hands with her own and their fingers intertwined as she pulled them off her face and held them between them instead. She turned her body to face Regina even better,  with her right leg on the sofa, bent at the knee. “Don’t hide it. I don’t want you to hide anything from me. Tell me—show me—everything. Please. I’m sorry—”

 

“What did I just say about apologizing, hmm?”

 

Emma rolled her eyes and pulled their hands to her mouth. Her breath was warm as her lips hovered and she began whispering, almost touching their fingers like she wanted to kiss them. “I am sorry, though. This whole week I’ve wanted to say something, or do something, or just, I don’t know, just undo everything and start over. My letter... I thought that you would be happier if we just put everything back the way it had been and it was like I never told you that I wanted to date you. But...” She shook her head and lifted her eyes to look into Regina’s, a bit of regret mixing in with the hope that had made a home in the impressively expressive sea of emotions Regina couldn’t look away from. “I was wrong. You're not happier. I was so wrong, Regina. We can’t just move past this, and I don’t want to.”

 

“We don’t have to.” Regina’s voice cracked and she cleared her throat a couple of times. “We don’t have to, darling,” she repeated, the term of endearment leaving her lips in a soft whisper that made Emma’s eyes flutter shut, her smile doing what had seemed impossible and growing. Regina smiled because of it, the love she felt for Emma filling her heart with a golden light. “We don’t have to pretend or forget anything. That was never going to work for us, not when we both want to be with each other.”

 

“I want that. I mean, you know I do already, but I’m saying it again. I want to be with you.”

 

“And I with you.”

 

Only the sound of their breathing filled the lamp-lit living room after that. Emma’s eyes had opened to look into Regina’s, but she looked as though she wanted a moment of silence to let everything sink in and settle, and Regina didn’t deny her that. Regina was happy to just sit there with Emma holding her hands. It was calming. She no longer had to push her nervousness away because it had vanished completely. She could breathe without it feeling tight in her chest, and she could think without over analyzing. But, for once, Regina didn’t allow her thoughts to get too deep. She simply sat there and stayed in the moment, aware of every breath that was being taken between the two of them.

 

Minutes ticked away without notice before Emma smiled suddenly and Regina raised her eyebrow in response. “What?” she questioned, self-consciously brushing her hands over her jacket and straightening her posture slightly.

 

“Nothing.” Emma’s smile only grew. She swatted Regina’s hands and made her stop trying to remove the wrinkles that had ruined the sleek look of her outfit. “I just missed this—you; I missed really being around you. Do you know we haven’t hung out alone in over a week? Even the girl at Granny’s that usually puts my order in for lunch was worried about us. Um, Tabitha, I think her name is. She gave me this look every time I said I was just ordering for myself.”

 

Regina almost told Emma that she had never said Emma couldn’t have lunch with her anymore, but she decided against it just before the words were readying to leave her mouth. Instead, she admitted, “I almost called you the other night to ask you if you wanted to come over.”

 

Emma’s brow furrowed with her frown. “Why didn’t you? I would have come if I knew you wanted me there.”

 

“I never stopped wanting you at the house,” Regina was quick to tell her, not answering Emma’s question.

 

Emma let out a breath that sounded like it was full of exhaustion and let her foot fall down from the sofa as she turned away from Regina for a moment. With her back against the cushioning, she leaned her head back and faced the brunette. “I didn’t know if it was okay to go there anymore. I didn’t feel like I was allowed to after I messed everything up between us.” She shrugged her shoulders, but the nonchalance of the gesture was nonexistent, unable to flourish when Emma looked so lost. “I thought you would eventually ask me to come get my stuff and that would be the end of that.”

 

Regina thought long and hard about what she should say—but not too long because she was now more conscious of the amount of time she spent processing thoughts during conversations where Emma was most likely feeling vulnerable. But nothing felt adequate for the message she wanted to get across. Words could convey so much, and yet, sometimes they were frustratingly ineffective.

 

Instead of searching for the proper words, Regina slipped on her shoes, held out her hand, and then said, “Let me show you something.”

 

And Emma took Regina’s hand without hesitation and closed her eyes as Regina’s magic quickly rushed around them.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

In the middle of Regina’s staircase was not where Emma had expected they would end up, but she immediately knew that Regina had made a deliberate and precise decision that landed them where they stood. On the wall, among half a dozen other photographs that were strategically placed to parallel the stairs, was a candid shot of the two of them with Henry during a town fair about two months ago. They were on a ferris wheel and Snow had been snapping away with her camera all evening and caught the moment of the three of them laughing. It was carefree and joyous, and Henry had edited it so the focus was completely on their bucket seat and everything else was faded into the background. They looked like one of those families out of some children’s book, Emma thought, the type with perfect smiles and unconditional love.

 

Regina’s hand covered her hip and she felt her heated breath whisper across the back of her neck before she even heard the other woman’s voice in her ear. “This is your home, Emma. All you have to do is look around to see that. You belong here.”

 

Emma opened her mouth to say something, but the only thing to leave her mouth was a shaky exhalation when Regina’s arms wrapped around her and the brunette’s chin rested on her shoulder. She turned her head and gently leaned her temple against Regina, the two of them standing on the landing together, Emma feeling what it felt like to be held in the security of Regina’s loving arms. Her heart was surprisingly calm, steady, not even a little rushed as Regina embraced her from behind, surrounding her in the most incredible warmth she had ever felt. The next time she exhaled, it was with contentment and it blew across Regina’s mouth—that was how close they were, just a breath apart.

 

“I belong here,” Emma whispered, sliding her hands over Regina’s to emphasize what she meant.

 

Regina hummed, and it was the sweetest sound Emma had ever heard, all soft and pleased and paired with one of Regina’s breathtaking smiles. She would never tire of hearing the small noises of contentment and happiness that escaped Regina. She would never get over how _everything_ inside of her felt like it turned into mush and _she_ smiled uncontrollably when Regina smiled at her like that, with so much love and adoration that Emma didn’t even know how she had ever doubted Regina’s feelings for her. She would never have enough of this, she thought, slowly turning in Regina’s arms so her arms were able to worm around the brunette’s small waist.

 

“And you belong here,” Emma said in an even lower voice, pulling Regina closer, closer so their breasts touched and she could feel the hint of a second heartbeat that was much faster than her own.

 

Regina expelled a rushed breath that fell onto Emma’s lips, tickling the blonde’s mouth. Their noses brushed once, twice, and then a soft cheek slowly slid across her own as Regina moved closer to her ear. Every movement she made felt deliberate, purposeful, like Regina knew even the lightest of touches were making Emma’s skin grow warm and filling her with anticipation. She had to know, for Emma shivered and pulled Regina closer, pressed her hips into Regina’s, tried and tried to meld their bodies together, feel every single bit of Regina’s softness against her. Regina _had_ to be able to feel exactly what she was doing to Emma with very little more than the tease of her breath.

 

Humming, low like it came from somewhere hidden deep deep down below, Regina slid her hands over Emma’s lower back, warm and slow but causing another shiver. “I want you to stay the night,” Regina whispered, her words brushed across the edge of Emma’s ear with soft lips.

 

Emma sucked in a lungful, eyes slamming shut. “Okay,” was all she managed, more like a squeak of a sound than a proper word.

 

“In my bed,” Regina continued, voice thickened honey.

 

Emma didn’t mean to do it, didn’t even know she _could_ do it. But one moment they were standing in front of the large window that overlooked the front lawn at the turn of the staircase, and the next they were in Regina’s bedroom, in Regina’s bed, Regina on top of her while she held the brunette by her hips, both of their eyes widened and breaths rushed, magic still surrounding them, everything so damn warm from her head to the tips of her toes. She was about to apologize because her magic was iffy lately and hadn’t been working properly in weeks, but before she could get the words out, all the sultry huskiness was gone from Regina’s throat and she was laughing, really laughing, her body shaking with it while her eyes crinkled beautifully and every burst of air that left her mouth hit Emma.

 

“Oh, Emma, that wasn’t a command,” Regina said through laughter, leaning down so her forehead was almost against Emma’s, her laughter still there in her voice, in her dazzling eyes that twinkled like the midnight sky.

 

Emma couldn’t laugh, though. She could hardly breathe. She was mesmerized, absolutely lost in everything that was so very beautiful about Regina—her smile and the way it lit up her entire face; the laugh lines that Emma wanted to trace with her fingertips and place soft kisses over; the way Regina laughed, hardly enough but with abandon when they were alone; how she could be unbelievably sexy one minute and then the most adorable beam of light the next. Regina was _everything,_ and Emma could only stare at her, willingly going breathless so she could drown herself in every second she was gifted.

 

Regina rolled off of Emma and softly fell onto her back beside her. Her chest rose and fell with her hurried breaths, even in the darkness the flush of color added to her skin visible. Laughter faded into breaths, and those breaths slowed and quieted as Regina lay there with her eyes closed. “Mmm.” Regina swallowed, licked her lips, and then turned her head and smiled at Emma with every part of her face—eyes and lips and cheeks and even her nose, her nose bunching up a little at the bridge quickly.

 

Emma had watched her silently without taking her eyes off of the vision beside her. But then, suddenly, it was not enough, and she needed _more._ More so rarely had a name, an exact; it was an overwhelming desire that she so often felt with Regina. She ended up rolling onto her side, seeking, her fingers reaching out to touch Regina’s face but only hovering above the cheek that wasn’t pressed against the bedspread.

 

The sound of Regina swallowing was loud in the quiet room. Emma thought her heartbeat sounded louder. Perhaps, their combined breaths as they sped up and grew in volume could top both of those noises.

 

Slowly, with the most delicate of touches, Emma traced the bridge of Regina’s nose with a single finger. It scrunched up beneath her this time, and the corners of Regina’s eyes where the lines told stories of laughter crinkled. Emma leaned her head over, holding Regina’s gaze until she couldn’t anymore, and then placed a soft kiss between her temple and eye, lingering and inhaling the inviting and familiar scent of coconut that was easy to detect even though it wasn’t a strong smell.

 

“You have no idea how beautiful you are when you’re laughing,” Emma whispered before brushing her lips this time across Regina’s cheek, feeling the muscles moving beneath her mouth as the other woman smiled.

 

Emma was going to pull away and lay her head down beside Regina’s after that, but Regina didn’t allow it. Slender fingers slid into her hair and guided Emma down to her mouth, their noses lightly tapping as Regina lifted her head from the bed enough to connect their mouths in what had to be the slowest, sweetest, most tender brush of lips. Emma’s breath and body both shook in response to it, and she sighed right against Regina's mouth— _sighed_ because that tiny kiss, the gentle meeting of lips, was the very first taste of _them_ and their future together, and _oh,_ how amazing it was.

 

Regina let her hand slide all the way down from Emma's head to the belt loop of her pants so she could pull Emma closer to her, the blonde’s hip pressing into one of hers and Emma's hand going to the side of her head on the mattress as she pushed herself over so she was half on top of Regina. Emma looked down at her smiling face and could feel herself smiling harder, hair falling down in a curtain blocking out everything that was not Regina. She wouldn't have noticed any of it, anyway, the magnitude of the brunette's midnight sky eyes holding her hostage.

 

“I wanna spend all night like this,” Emma whispered as she shifted her weight from one knee to the other and properly straddled Regina, sitting up but still looking at her.

 

Regina hummed in her throat while hands with intense heat smoothed up Emma's thighs and curled at her hips, grabbing. “On top of me?” She smirked a little and then licked her lips, her eyes lowering to where their bodies were connected between Emma's legs. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes, a playful spark, but neither of those diminished the soft, adoring look that made Emma’s heart race when Regina looked back up at her.

 

“Maybe that too,” she said with a little grin, slowly rocking her hips forward and then rolling them downward. Regina made a tiny noise in her throat again, and Emma couldn't resist another roll of her hips when those throaty noises had always made her blood run a little hot. She savored the moment, and then shook her head from side to side. “I’d love that. God, would I love that. But, no, that’s not what I meant.”

 

Eyebrow raised, Regina lifted up onto her elbows. “What did you mean, then?”

 

“Just wanna be here,” she whispered, leaning down to meet Regina's mouth with her own, feeling the heat of the other woman’s breath on her face. She pulled Regina to her with a hand on the back of her neck and caught a full lip between both of her own, ardently pleased to feel Regina instantly returning the kiss, pulling and sucking on Emma's lip with gentle urgency that made Emma moan softly. She tugged at the lapel of Regina’s jacket and shifted above her, not breaking the contact between their lips while guiding Regina to a sitting position along with her. “Just wanna be with you,” she mumbled, breath shaking between their wet mouths.

 

Regina combed Emma’s hair away from her face with both hands. She kissed her cheeks and beside her ear, gentle and slow, then harder when Emma’s hands started sliding off Regina’s jacket and she tried to get underneath her shirt to feel more skin. Regina nuzzled at the side of Emma’s neck and dragged her tongue along her collar bone, everywhere she touched burning from the heat of her mouth—and it felt like Regina was truly, honest to God, trying to kiss _everywhere_ on Emma’s body that she had access to.

 

They ended up in a tangle of bed sheets and clothes not properly removed quickly, breaths labored and limbs intertwined. It was only when Emma chuckled into Regina’s ear that they slowed down, Regina’s jacket tossed to the foot of the bed and her shirt half unbuttoned and off her shoulder, one of Emma’s arms freed from her shirt but the other one stuck. Their shoes were the only other things successfully removed. For the second time since they entered the bedroom, Regina laughed into the night and Emma stopped trying to undress them and lifted her head so she could look at her face, flushed and so very open, everything she was feeling in the charged moment right there for Emma to see.

 

Regina cupped Emma’s cheek and, still laughing, brought Emma to her mouth. She kissed her through her laughter until they were both laughing against each other’s lips and then gasping for air together. Regina rolled them over and held Emma down to the bed with a hand on either shoulder. She sat up, breathing heavily, and waited until she seemed certain that Emma would not try to roll them back over before removing her hands to run them through her hair.

 

“Someone’s going to have to learn a little patience,” Regina whispered with a smirk. The maroon blouse that had once been neat and fitted against Regina’s petite body now hung off of one shoulder and revealed the black satin of her bra and inch after tantalizing inch of smooth skin all the way down to her navel.

 

Emma licked her lips. Even with the sight of a disheveled Regina in front of her—which was possibly the sexiest thing she had ever seen—her eyes were drawn right back to Regina’s, her hands just wanted to be holding her close, and it was the pounding in her chest that won her attention, not the steady pulse below her waist. She was turned on, but it wasn’t sex she wanted most in that moment.

 

After spending nights alone in bed thinking about the last time they had slept together, after wanting so badly to be holding Regina like she had that morning, Emma wanted Regina in the simplest of ways. She wanted to be holding her. She wanted to be touching her. It was not a sexual need but an emotional one, one that had her aching to reach out and pull Regina back down to her body so there wasn’t so much space between them. There was too much space!

 

“Come back down here.” Emma hooked her finger into the material of Regina’s shirt where she had stopped unbuttoning and gave a gentle tug. “I don’t like you being so far away.”

 

Regina came back down without hesitation, pressing her lips to Emma’s the moment she was close enough to do so. “Close enough for you?”

 

Emma shook her head, smiling as another kiss was brushed across her mouth, soft and light. “I don’t think I’ll ever feel like you’re close enough,” she whispered honestly, snaking her arms around Regina and holding them together.

 

Regina hummed into the next kiss, this one longer, her lips sliding over Emma’s before they parted and she brought Emma’s lip into the heat of her mouth and sucked gently. The lips that moved against Emma’s mouth were in no rush; Regina savored their kisses like one might savor the single square of chocolate they were allowed as a hard-earned treat. She ran her tongue and lips over Emma’s and moaned, let her teeth lightly scrape and her breath blow across Emma’s well-kissed lips.

 

Regina’s breathing was noticeably heavier when she pulled away. “I had a similar thought earlier,” Regina mumbled, and then she leaned back down and pressed her lips right back where they had been so she was able to kiss Emma again, kiss after sweet kiss, so warm and soft.

 

It took Emma three or four seconds to notice that Regina had spoken to her, her brain becoming fuzzy. Emma could easily be distracted by Regina—thoughts of her, the nearness of her, pretty much anything—but Regina’s kisses made it nearly impossible to think about anything beyond the soft mouth that was spoiling her with their loving touch. “Hmm?” The tip of her tongue peeked between her lips and teased Regina’s mouth, drew out a breathy sound that made Emma’s pulse race. “What was that?”

 

Regina’s breath broke, shattered when Emma slid her hands over her back and underneath her shirt to trace her spine. She stopped kissing Emma and laid her head beside hers, her mouth close to the blonde’s ear when she spoke in a voice that was thick and barely loud enough to even be considered a whisper. “The desire to be closer—even when I can feel you touching me, when I can feel you underneath me, all over me—is strong.” She paused, hummed, exhaled. “I don’t believe I’ll ever feel as though you are close enough either.”

 

Emma grinned and shifted her hips so that it was easier for her to wrap her legs around Regina. “Doesn’t mean we can’t keep trying to get closer.”

 

Regina moaned into Emma’s ear quietly. Her hips pushed down into Emma, her hand squeezing around the arm she was holding onto. “We can...” Whatever words she was going to say died within her gasp when Emma unclasped her bra and gently scratched her back with blunt fingernails. She arched and twisted, moaned beautifully.

 

Emma’s heart jumped in her chest and she shut her eyes. “I wanna undress you,” Emma admitted quietly, feeling a little nervous, especially as she continued with what she felt would probably be unexpected after what she’d just said, “and I wanna hold you. I just want to be able to touch you and feel you against me, in my arms, skin to skin. That’s all I want right now.”

 

The silence was loud as she waited for a response, but Regina soon lifted her head and looked at Emma and nodded her head. “Undress me, then.”

 

Emma pulled her lip into her mouth and chewed on in it as she thought for a moment, still feeling nerves twisting inside her. “But are you okay with that? I mean, with _just_ that. Is that all right?”

 

Regina’s eyes were soft and full of tenderness as she nodded again, her hand leaving Emma’s shoulder so she could caress Emma’s cheek.

 

“Because if you wanna, _you know_ , we could. I just—”

 

“Shh.” Regina pressed her lips to Emma’s and held them there until Emma stopped trying to speak. “Shh,” she repeated although Emma had already quieted. “Hold me. I want for you to hold me. Anything more can wait until another time. I’m in no rush, darling.”

 

Emma felt herself relax beneath Regina. “And the clothes? How much can I take off? What do you want to stay on?”

 

Regina laughed a little. “Hmm. You will leave me with one clothing item of your choice.”

 

“One,” she repeated, and then Emma’s eyebrow rose. “Wait. My choice?”

 

Regina nodded and gave Emma’s leg a little pat so she could get off of Emma. “Yes. I trust you to make a wise decision.”

 

“Hmm. Well, I guess that means that one item can’t be a sock, then. Dammit,” she said, having to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from grinning. “Wouldn’t want you to think you misplaced your trust.”

 

Sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to Emma, Regina eyed the blonde over her shoulder. Her eyebrow lifted slowly.

 

Emma tried keeping her face blank, but she ended up grinning widely as she sat up and moved to the edge of the bed to sit beside Regina. “I’m kidding—but mostly because I don’t think I can handle you basically naked for the first time while we’re cuddling. My brain would probably stop working for a bit.”

 

Regina shook her head with a little disbelief and a whole lotta fondness. “Yes, blame the lack of clothing for the possible lapse in your concentration. Never mind that you experience these lapses on a daily basis already and you have not seen me completely undressed yet.”

 

Emma pretended to be affronted and swayed to the side so her shoulder pushed into Regina and caused the brunette to lose her balance for a short moment. “Rude.”

 

A snort of laughter escaped Regina when she knocked her shoulder back against Emma’s. “Honest, and you know it.”

 

“Still rude,” she mumbled as she turned to the side and cupped Regina’s face and brought their mouths together for a quick, hard press of lips. When she pulled away, she exhaled softly and reached for Regina’s hand. “Seriously, though, I wanna know what you’re comfortable being in. Maybe something like what you were wearing last time with the shorts and shirt? Or even pants if you want? Or—”

 

Regina interrupted her. “Emma.” Her lips curved into a gentle smile as she stood up and let go of Emma’s hand.

 

Emma looked up at her, the rambling that was beginning coming to complete and premature stop. “Yes?”

 

Regina continued holding Emma’s gaze, but she didn’t say anything right away. Her fingers were working the buttons of her shirt through their small holes—one button, two buttons, and then the last one. The shirt fell open and Regina undid her cuffs, still quiet, watching Emma as Emma looked between Regina’s elegant hands and her relaxed features. The shirt was soon just a pool of fabric on Regina’s bedroom floor, fabric that didn’t stay lonely for long. The bra that had barely been holding onto her shoulders, already undone by Emma earlier, slid off her arms and was dropped just as carelessly.

 

Emma’s heart was hammering in her chest, but when Regina reached for her hands, she let the brunette guide them to the button on her dress pants. “Unbutton them,” Regina instructed with an encouraging smile, letting Emma’s hands go after gently stroking the backs of them. She combed Emma’s hair away from her face and tucked blonde locks behind her ears, stepping closer.

 

Starting at her own hands as they unbuttoned Regina’s pants and then moved to the zipper, Emma slowly took in the woman in front of her. Emma already knew she was all soft curves and understated muscles, that her skin was impossibly smooth and kissed by the summer sun, that if it were not dark in the bedroom, she could find a few small moles here and there and a pale scar near one of her hips. She didn’t linger when her eyes passed over Regina’s breasts, even though she noticed the hardness of her nipples and felt a new rush of warmth between her legs. And when Regina’s pants _whooshed_ quietly in the bedroom, she didn’t look down. It was Regina’s face that captivated Emma in that moment.

 

“You may continue,” Regina said clearly, standing in front of Emma in nothing but her panties.

 

Emma’s eyes dropped then, but only long enough to know that there was definitely no more clothing there than the soft cotton hugging Regina's hips. Back to Regina’s face, Emma immediately went. The word naked came to mind, then bare, and then unveiled, but it was not Regina’s body that Emma was thinking about when she thought those things. It was the look in Regina’s eyes, the way _everything_ was there for Emma to see, vulnerability and trust paired in such an intricate way that Emma was struggling to breathe properly as she took it all in.

 

Regina’s eyes remained open as she leant down and wrapped her fingers around Emma’s chin to tilt her head back farther. She kissed her. It was short and sweet; Regina was smiling the entire three seconds.

 

Emma brushed her thumbs over Regina’s hips and licked her lips. “That’s one item.”

 

The lines at the edges of Regina’s eyes became more pronounced. “And I’m giving you the option to keep going if you like.”

 

She pulled Regina toward her and pressed her mouth to Regina’s stomach, her eyes falling shut. She kissed her stomach and then turned her head, cheek to stomach with the other woman while her hands slid around Regina’s hips and caressed her sides. “I love you,” she whispered, burying the words in the flesh of Regina’s belly, rubbing her face against her skin, stealing her warmth, “every inch of you, every part of you.”

 

Regina sighed and cupped the back of Emma’s head, holding Emma to her. “Emma,” she whispered under her breath.

 

Emma smiled at the sound of her name and brought Regina back down to the bed with her. They fell awkwardly with Regina almost sitting on her chest and Emma only partially on the bed. Regina carefully moved from on top of Emma and crawled over to the other side of the mattress without saying a word. She pulled the bedding down and lay on her side, waiting, looking at Emma. Emma almost went directly to her, but she stood up instead when she remembered her half-dressed state and made a quick decision to undress.

 

There was nothing sexual or probably even enjoyable about Emma removing her clothes, but she couldn’t help but notice Regina didn’t look away for even a second—not even to hide her silent laugh when Emma almost fell removing her pants. Emma grinned at her and only hesitated for a brief moment at the clasp of her bra. She had never really had a problem being undressed around others, had grown up in too many full houses to escape changing in front of people. But undressing in front of someone she knew was watching her, someone she wanted to look at her and think she looked good, that was somewhat unfamiliar territory. Even when having sex, it was never like this, never someone watching her so closely. Clothes were usually removed when they needed to be and never for the enjoyment of another. She was more conscious of her near-naked state than she had ever been before as she let the cotton bra she wore fall down to the floor, but she had never felt more comfortable being nearly nude than she currently did.

 

Regina held out her hand, smiling, still waiting.

 

Emma took it and crawled into the bed, settled beside Regina, and then pulled the covers over them, all the way over their heads so they were surrounded by darkness. “I’ve never been naked with someone like this,” Emma whispered into their dark bubble as she urged Regina to roll over and lay her head on her chest. “Well, almost naked, but, you know.”

 

Regina hummed and placed her hand on Emma’s stomach. She slid her way up to Emma’s breasts with just her fingertips, creating a trail of heat but also goose bumps. For a few seconds, she rested her splayed hand over Emma’s calmly beating heart, saying nothing. She then replaced the warmth of her hand with her head, curling her body around the side of Emma’s.

 

“Neither have I,” she whispered after a while, her words followed by a soft breath that blew across Emma’s breast as Regina nuzzled and then relaxed against her.

 

Emma closed her eyes after that and said nothing else, her mind pleasantly blank as she absently trailed her fingers up and down Regina’s back until she fell asleep, knowing it would be the best night of sleep she would have in over a week.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina woke up first the next morning and left Emma in her bed to take care of the first half of her morning routine. She didn’t want to stay away long, so she hurried through the process. Standing in front of the mirror with a toothbrush in her mouth, drowsy, she stared at a woman who _looked_ like her but with a glow to her skin and a dopey smile that didn’t even disappear around the moving toothbrush. It was Snow White level happy, sickeningly bright, and Regina could only squint in wonderment as she looked closer at the Regina in the mirror—who in turn looked closer as well.

 

She looked away from the smile that went from eyes to mouth and traveled over her nakedness instead, not admiring the shape of her body or even looking for the flaws like she sometimes did. In fact, she wasn’t searching for anything, nothing that could be seen in a mirror. She was wondering what it was Emma had seen when she stood before the other woman and they undressed Regina together. Regina couldn’t recall a time that she had ever willingly bared herself in so many various ways for one person. To be bare was to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable was to be unprotected from harm. Regina clung to her protection, her shields, her walls, but last night it had felt like she had removed the last of those very things and given the barest version of herself to Emma, placed herself in the other woman’s hands. It was a sign of trust, trust Emma had more than proven time and time again was well placed.

 

A chill ran up Regina’s spine and she turned on the water to rinse the toothpaste from her mouth. She was cold and mourning the heat she had abandoned in her bed, regretting getting up and leaving the sleeping woman beneath her covers. She quickly finished the rest of what she had entered the bathroom to do and turned the light off, leaving the bathroom and walking on the tips of her toes to reach her bed.

 

When Regina climbed in, Emma hissed. “Who replaced my Regina with an icicle?”

 

Regina’s smile was automatic, her heart giving a little thud when she heard ‘my Regina’. She pulled the covers all the way over them, blocking out the light of the sun and the existence of the rest of the world for a little while longer. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, kissing the corner of Emma’s mouth.

 

Emma groaned and rolled over, pushing Regina onto her back and covering her body. “S’okay. I’ll warm you up.”

 

Regina tried to quiet the moan that she had felt bubbling up all the way from low in her belly, but it escaped her when Emma’s hand brushed over her breast and her body arched. “Careful,” she whispered when Emma turned her head, probably looking at her. Regina’s eyes were squeezed shut. “I’m...quite responsive to physical stimuli.”

 

“Wanna say that in plain English? I’m barely awake.”

 

Regina shifted the best she could with the weight of Emma on her, moving Emma’s hand away from her breast—and then away from her stomach when she remembered how difficult it had been not to squirm hours earlier when Emma had been kissing and touching her there. “Those were all common, plainly spoken words.”

 

Emma groaned into the crook of Regina’s neck. Her breath was incredibly warm. Her lips brushed Regina’s skin as she mumbled, “Still don’t know what you said.”

 

Regina’s breath rushed out in a loud puff, her head tumbling back against the pillow they were more or less sharing. “Emma,” she complained, whined.

 

“Shh. No more talking.”

 

Regina counted down from ten in her head.

 

Ten.

 

Nine.

 

Eight.

 

Sev—

 

Emma kissed Regina’s pulse point and nuzzled her neck.

 

Regina whined pitifully and wrapped her leg around Emma, pressing her hips into her.

 

“Very responsive,” Emma mumbled against Regina with a chuckle, still sounding tired but certainly not nearly as unaware of what she was doing to Regina as the brunette had believed.

 

Regina groaned and used the fact that she was fully awake and wasn’t sluggish from sleep to her advantage. She rolled them over so Emma was on her back and she was on top of the blonde, the bedspread and sheet falling to her shoulders and letting in light but quickly being pulled back over them by Emma. Emma then put her hands on Regina’s hips and lifted her head, moved to Regina’s chest and kissed between her breasts, open-mouth and warm, so very warm.

 

Regina shamelessly rolled her hips down against Emma’s strong abdomen. She leaned forward with her hands on either side of Emma’s head and kissed her temple, her ear, her shoulder, and then moaned into the crook of Emma’s neck when she felt the pressure of Emma’s hands on her ass, squeezing, pulling. Emma was guiding her, she realized, and another moan escaped her throat and was mumbled against Emma.

 

“Oh, wow,” Emma whispered, her breath tickling Regina’s skin.

 

“Emma.” She didn’t have anything to follow that up with, but Regina needed, and she wasn’t in the position to hide that need when her body wouldn’t even stop trembling under the teasing fingers that lightly stroked her sides.

 

“Are you always this, this—like _this_ in the morning?” Emma asked with wonderment and curiosity and what Regina believed to be arousal.

 

“Wound up? Turned on?” She pushed herself up so she was looking at Emma’s face, but that only lasted for a few seconds. Emma made her shift so her breast was hovering above Emma’s mouth, and then a wet tongue was running over her heated skin, swirling slowly. A moan spilled from her lips, her chest arching, more of her breast hoping to be claimed by the heat that had just swept over the sensitive peak. “Desperate,” she whispered with a shaky breath, her hips moving without her control, rolling rolling rolling, over and over, an ache building, her body needing. “Oh.”

 

Emma was enthusiastic with her tongue and her lips, moving from one breast to the other, swirling around that nipple and then sucking nice and strong on the other. But it was Emma’s hands that were driving Regina wild. Regina hadn’t allowed herself to fantasize about Emma too often, but when she had, she had always thought about Emma’s hands moving all over her body, strong and confident and wanting to be everywhere. But no fantasy compared to actually having that, to the way Emma grabbed her hips and urged Regina to keep rubbing herself against Emma’s abdominal muscles, nor the way Emma was soft soft soft as she ran lines over Regina’s back but rough when Regina started whining in her throat and Emma’s hands were squeezing her ass.

 

Emma’s head fell down to the pillow and away from Regina’s chest, her labored breaths meeting Regina’s wet skin. “What do you need me to do?” she asked as her hands stroked Regina’s back, the two of them surrounded by nothing but heat. “Hmm? What do you need?”

 

Regina fell down on top of Emma and let her legs tangle with the blonde’s, a thigh between her own. She kissed Emma’s mouth and her hips gave a needy thrust when Emma moaned. “Just keep...mmm.” The rest of her words were mumbled beneath her lips as she kissed everywhere she could, her lips leaving behind a wet trail as she greedily sucked and nibbled all the way down to Emma’s shoulder.

 

They were both breathing heavily, their skin sliding across each other, quickly becoming damp with perspiration here and there, the two of them wrapped in layers of bedding and frantically seeking with each thrust of their hips. Emma rolled them back over and pressed her hips down into Regina’s, hard. Regina gasped and murmured a plead into the pillow she turned her head into. What she wanted, she didn’t even know anymore. She only knew that Emma could give it to her and the other woman would do whatever she could to make sure Regina was satisfied—Emma always did.

 

Emma dragged her mouth down Regina’s body, her tongue licking and her teeth nipping from the hollow of Regina’s throat to the dip of her navel. Her hands slid underneath Regina’s back, Emma almost kneeling between Regina’s spread legs, her breath teasing the skin she dampened with her mouth. She curled her fingers around Regina’s hips and pulled her closer, and the quick tug made Regina’s breath hitch, hands reaching down and searching for anything she could touch.

 

“Emma,” she breathed out in a rush, raking her fingers through the blonde’s hair.

 

Emma lowered her head and kissed below Regina’s belly button, lower, lower, teeth tugging the black panties that Regina was wearing. “I want these off,” Emma all but growled, and Regina’s hips bucked.

 

“Then take them off.”

 

Regina wasn’t prepared for how quickly Emma would move, nor was she expecting to wind up with her body suddenly exposed to the cooler air of the sun-filled bedroom when Emma roughly pulled her so that she was only partially on the bed. But when she looked down to see Emma down on the floor beside the bed, on her knees between Regina’s spread thighs, nothing else mattered. How could she possibly think about anything other than the beautiful woman who was all messy-haired, flushed cheeks, and hungry eyes looking at her like she wanted nothing more than to have her head buried between Regina’s thighs? She _couldn’t—_ and she didn’t.

 

Emma pushed Regina’s thighs further apart, exposing her wet flesh to the air but more importantly to Emma herself. Regina watched Emma as she licked her lips, but the second Emma’s tongue was licking _her_ strongly—not tentatively, not teasingly, but with a _need_ to taste Regina—her eyes slammed shut and her head tumbled backward. It was one lick, and then two, and then Emma was moaning against her as she pushed her hands into Regina’s thighs and her face as close to Regina’s heat as she could possibly get.

 

Regina moaned loudly, much louder than she had expected, and twisted at her hips as she tried getting closer despite the fact that Emma’s tongue and lips were all over her already. It would have been embarrassing how needy she was, how wanton, if not for the fact that every time she whispered Emma’s name or moaned under her breath, Emma grabbed her tighter and moved her mouth and entire face against Regina like she just couldn’t get enough of her. How badly she wanted, needed, and ached was undeniable, but so was how much Emma was enjoying being the one to give to Regina—and that, Emma’s enjoyment of her, was what was driving her wild more than anything else.

 

Regina lost herself in the pleasure, in the feeling of Emma’s lips wrapped around her clit and sucking, her tongue tasting, and time no longer made sense to her. It could have been seconds or minutes—with how labored her breathing was, it could have been hours for all she knew. But soon, far too soon, Regina was arching away from the bed and grinding against Emma’s mouth, her fingers tangled in damp blonde hair as she reached the edge of something deliciously overwhelming and fell right into it, body in spasm as she pulled in a sharp breath and stopped breathing until her lungs demanded she did so again.

 

When she fell back down to the bed, her thighs shook and then lowered, sweaty and heated against the sheets, her breathing loud in the otherwise quiet bedroom. She realized she was still pulling on Emma’s hair and relaxed her fingers, too breathless to apologize verbally, letting her fingers do it for her as she gently stroked the other woman’s scalp.

 

Emma hummed and kissed the inside of Regina’s thigh before joining Regina on the bed. She pulled Regina to the middle of the mattress and then leaned down and kissed beside Regina’s ear with her wet mouth and face touching the brunette. “Good morning,” she whispered, kissing her again, softly.

 

Regina moaned. “Mornin’,” she rasped, her throat a little sore.

 

Emma lay down beside her, looking into Regina’s eyes, her grin impossibly wide. “Should I expect mornings to start like this often? Because, I gotta say, I could really get used to that. You’re...” Emma trailed off with a deep moan, biting the corner of her lip and then humming and pulling that same lip into her mouth and sucking it slowly.

 

Regina realized she was tasting her off her mouth and groaned quietly. “Get over here,” Regina whispered, pulling Emma by her shoulder, wanting to kiss her, to touch her, to hopefully be able to taste more than herself before they left the bed this morning. “Come kiss me.”

 

Emma pressed her lips to Regina’s and kissed her, mumbling, “You’re bossy,” between kisses.

 

Regina nipped Emma’s lip and then licked it soothingly when Emma hissed. “You have no idea.”

 

Emma’s chuckle vibrated against her lips and their bodies began moving together, their morning alone in bed far from over.

 

.

.

 

.

 

They didn’t even have twelve hours of being a couple before someone found out. Emma wasn’t even surprised—a little disappointed that it was no longer something for them to have without anybody else knowing, but not surprised. The moment she stepped into the loft, she had known someone would figure it out. The loft was where secrets went to be exposed, and Regina and Emma were far from being a well-kept secret when neither of them had made any effort to hide the new level of affection that came naturally to them after how intimate their friendship had already been. Before they were even a couple their family had already been making comments about them, so, of course, someone would say something. 

 

Emma had thought it would be Henry who noticed something had changed when he let them in and Emma had been unable to stop smiling while she watched Regina fluff her hair. But he had only hugged them both and rushed back into the apartment, yelling something about missing the movie. She had simply shrugged and made her way into the kitchen where everybody else was, Regina close behind.

 

There had been muffins—there were almost always muffins—and Emma had been eating one and offered a bite to Regina, holding the muffin up to the brunette’s mouth. It was only the second time she had fed Regina something she was eating, and the first time had been while they were alone, but nobody said a thing to them when Regina paused what she was saying, took a bite of the muffin, and then continued speaking after chewing. They didn’t even _look_ in Emma’s direction.

 

But Emma hadn’t complained. She was curious how nobody had noticed, but she didn’t mind.

 

She did, however, find it strange when Zelena, who was never one to miss an opportunity to point out something about their friendship and the lines she and Regina had supposedly been crossing all the time, didn’t comment on how close Regina was standing to her when she walked in on them in the kitchen later in the morning just as Emma was about to steal a kiss from Regina’s lips. She didn’t even give Regina a knowing look—which was odd.

 

It was Snow Emma thought would say something after that. Regina had joined the group in the living room area. They were watching a movie. Henry was sprawled across the floor with the little ones, David was in the single chair, and Regina and her sister were on the loveseat. Snow had requested Emma’s assistance when she went to prepare tea, which Emma had thought was her way of saying she wanted to talk to her. But, apparently, tea was not a code word for anything. Snow honestly just wanted help making tea, and Emma was soon left alone while her mother perched on the edge of the armchair next to Zelena, the redhead smiling up at her and whispering something that made Snow laugh quietly.

 

David wouldn’t have been a surprise. Out of everyone, he was the one who knew the most about her and Regina. But, despite there being many, many, many opportunities for him to say something, he never did. And by the time it was time for them to go, Emma wondered how nobody noticed that she and Regina had _finally_ figured everything out.

 

And, well, when she had figured someone would find out that she and Regina were dating, she had never thought _she_ would be the one to tell them. But, just before getting ready to leave her parents’ apartment with Regina and Henry that afternoon, Emma groaned, not sure why she was frustrated but certainly a bit annoyed.

 

“You know, if anybody wants to acknowledge that Regina and I are dating now, you could totally do that sometime soon. After all the subtle—and not so subtle—attempts to get us to admit that we like each other, now that we both have and we’re actually doing something about it, the least all of you could do is say something about it. Jeez. You guys were more interested in our relationship before it even existed.”

 

And, really, it wasn’t a surprise that their relationship remained unspoken about for less than twelve hours, but nobody, and especially not Emma, had believed she would be the one to say something first. But once she did, _everybody_ had something to say. Someone always had something to say, even when they weren't saying anything out loud.

 

“Well it’s about bloody time,” was the first thing Emma heard, and the last before she huffed out a breath and made a Regina-worthy dramatic exit in a puff of smoke, leaving them behind to discuss amongst themselves.

 

Standing on the landing of the grand staircase inside 108 Mifflin, she shook her head and a sudden wave washed over her when she realized she had thought about going home and she had ended up standing at the very spot Regina had brought her to when she wanted to show Emma that she belonged, right in front of the picture of her with Henry and Regina, the three of them the perfect image of family.

 

“Welcome home, Emma,” she whispered to herself, smiling at the photograph on the wall while she waited for Regina and Henry to join her. "Welcome home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand that's all, lovely human people! 
> 
> I just want to quickly thank all of you who gave this a fic a chance--whether you started reading when I originally began posting it or you waited out until I completed it. I really appreciate it! Thanks for all the comments, kudos, recommendations, and just all the support. It means the world to me. 
> 
> Also, as always, so many thanks to Kez for constantly reassuring me and listening to me complain and whine and just being the best.
> 
> xoxo 
> 
> \- Jazmyne Kaleena


End file.
